Rude dinner lady in hospital

[fedup78]

I’ve been in hospital this past week undergoing some gruelling treatment, which has been very taxing both physically and psychologically.

This morning a dinner lady comes round, knocks on the door and shouts “breakfast trolley”. I said thanks and then she goes, “Oh my god, what do you want”. I ask for tea and toast, which she brings in, then goes, “Do you walk?”

I said that I can walk but not particularly easily - plus I’m not meant to be lifting things.

She then shrugged and said if I can move my legs I should come and get the breakfast myself. I apologised and said that nobody has told me this since I arrived - they’ve always just brought it into the room, so how would I know?

I then asked her to take away a smelly plate of half eaten dinner that has been in the room since yesterday afternoon and she said she’ll collect it when she’s done serving breakfast.

I’m feeling really fragile as it is without having to contend with rude dinner ladies giving me grief. The food is grim anyway (and they often miss my room altogether) so I’m not especially bothered if I don’t eat.

AIBU to think there’s no need for her attitude and that a little bit of kindness goes a long way?

Last paragraph was to the OP.

Don't mind her OP. I had a horrible horrible nurse "looking after me" after I had ds. I nearly had PTSD after it. I'll never forget her. Just put it down to the dinner lady having a bad day and try not to dwell on it. A bit of kindness goes a long way esp in a hospital. It's not you, it's her. Get well soon. I found the night dinner ladies were usually nicer and more obliging. Maybe ask one if you're supposed to get up and collect your meals. Or don't. Do you have any visitors. Sometimes you just need someone 'fighting your corner' as you're so vulnerable when you're sick. Get well soon. Xxxx

I don't understand why this lady said 'Oh my god'?

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I think because after she said “breakfast trolley” and I said “thanks”, she was then expecting me to come to the door to choose and collect my food, so when I didn’t move she was annoyed.

@MandosHatHair. A side room is not a small cubicle. There has to be enough room to wheel a large metal bed in and out!

@missyB1 The morning after my mastectomy one of the nurses told me to go and get my breakfast. The nurse in charge overheard her, went bananas and told her and me that I shouldn't be lifting anything at the moment, even a plate. She had my card marked from that moment onwards even though I hadn't said a thing!

I'm sorry to hear you are ill and having gruelling treatment. I hope you will begin to feel a bit better soon.
The dinner lady sounds incredibly rude and bad at her job. It is upsetting at the best of times when people behave like this but even harder to take when you are sick and feeling vulnerable and weak.
The only advice I can give is that she is probably like this to everyone - it's not personal, she is just a person who doesn't know how to behave in kind, polite manner.

YANBU, the domestic staff were so kind and such a source of support I took them cards and flowers afterwards - I have never forgotten it. They didn't 'need' to be, but were and I have no doubt it helped me recover from trauma. My Dad is in general a horrible man, the kindness of the hospital orderlies humbled him and had a very positive effect on his character. We all need to be kind, it costs nothing and is not dependant on pay grade.

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time.

People can have the biggest impact without even realising; she was totally out of order.

I had a stillbirth a number of years ago, I was trying to rest after they had taken him away and DH was out of the room. A cleaner came in and said: 'No baby?' In just this really accusatory voice and it utterly broke me.

I'd held it together so well and that was just the final straw.

Bet the poor woman had no clue what she'd done wrong. Some people can be so thoughtless with what they say and how they act - try not to let it get to you... feel better soon x

@Megatron it was flipping ages before I could lift anything, I was as weak as a kitten!

NoMoreDickheads Thu 07-May-20 11:28:19
YANBU but hospital is shit.
.......

You're not kidding. I had eight days in hospital in April last year and my care was appalling, including rudeness.

When our current pandemic is over, we don't need 'heroes', we need competent, compassionate staff. Then I will clap.

Op, I'm so sorry you are in hospital at the moment and hope you'll be home soon, also that the inefficient catering person is not typical of your general care.

She was cheeky. And uneaten food left till the next day is totally gross.

I had a stillbirth a number of years ago, I was trying to rest after they had taken him away and DH was out of the room. A cleaner came in and said: 'No baby?' In just this really accusatory voice and it utterly broke me.

That's so awful, so sorry.

I was asked by a “dinner lady” why I wasn’t walking down to the dining room like other new mums. I had been given this concession because my baby had died. Can you imagine the conversation round the dinner table! It’s not up to ancillary staff to challenge vulnerable patients.

I had a awful few days in hospital last year after having emergency surgery, they actually forgot to feed me for 2 days, I had no visitors so no one could bring me food, one day they forgot to give me a menu because they assumed I was going home so I had no evening meal, another day I had a stale left over sandwich that was left over. I was then kicked out when I was in agony and unable to walk, they wheeled me downstairs to the departure lounge where I had to wait 2 hours for a prescription (paracetamol) and discharge letter.

I have great respect for the NHS and believe what I expereanced was due to staff shortages :(

YANBU OP.
After I gave birth to DD I had surgery and DD needed a procedure so DH was with her.
When they brought breakfast round I didn’t know you had to get up and get some. No one told me and as I had a catheter in and was only hours post surgery I didn’t get up. I was sleeping when lunch came and they didn’t leave me any.
I had more then 24 hours without food because they wouldn’t let me eat anything when I was in labour.
I then wondered why I found it so hard to bf.
DH wanted to complain at the time but I just ordered him to Costa to pick me up something.
After a whole catalogue of errors made by the hospital I did make a formal complaint, which was upheld.
They should have brought me breakfast and didn’t.
They should have left me lunch and didn’t.

In your shoes I’d mention it to someone else who provides your care.

@Smudgeis13 and @Isitweekendyet

Doglady1974 you sound absolutely wonderful and an asset to any ward. I hope that lots of your patients leave positive feedback for you.

You are right it is partly a lack of organisation on behalf of the ward. A laminated sheet by each bed, showing where the loos are, giving details of what to do about food, whether you have to take your baby with you, or whether its safe to leave baby beside the bed etc, would probably help a lot. I was very groggy and probably a bit gormless on that first day, and just felt in everyones way.

And offering food to mothers establishing feeding, or who are leaking bodily fluids, rather than make them walk, would be such a blessing.

Thanks for replies. I’m now out of water and am unsure whether to press the buzzer to get another jug (which is what I’ve done to date) or go out into the corridor to try and track one down!

And to everyone else who’s had bad experiences. The sooner I can get out of here the better

Sorry you are going through this. It is these small things that can have such a positive/ negative impact on an already stressful experience.

I had a similar experience a couple of weeks ago. On the postnatal ward after having a c section with twins and could hardly walk....but had to drag myself to the other side of the ward to collect 3 meals a day. And then was told off for not eating fast enough (trying to feed/ console screaming babies) as the dinner lady wanted to wash up and go home. She had no empathy at all and was very rude.

How the heck are you supposed to know instinctively if you can come to the trolley or not? I think some people work in hospital for so long they forget that for some patients the entire experience is new and unknown.

every time I've had to stay in hospital, regardless of reason (ranging from tonsil removal, to dehydration in pregnancy) I've had food and drink placed on the table by/over my bed not had to go and get it
Me too. I don't understand OP's scenario at all.

I exoect she's been expected to be doing work she's not being paid for or something and had had enough, but even if that is the case it would still be massively unreasonable, and the 'Oh my god' would really upset me. It's small things like this that have always caused the most stress when I've been in hospital for myself or children.

No-one has ever explained what the procedure is with food, when and how to get it, where to get drinks, if parents are allowed to make drinks etc and where, and how on earth am I to go to the toilet or go to find a drink and leave my young child alone etc? I've had hungry children and been dehydrated many times in hospitals. I have a child who has a health condition which means now I am prepared, so where possible I always try to stop for food and drinks before arriving at hospital for emergency visits because we've frequently been in 8 hours plus or even overnight and they've not been offered any food or drink, but in an emergency situation it isn't ideal to be packing picnics.

Can you ask the nurses to confirm to the ward staff that every patient is different and they can't override medical advice on whether they can collect dinner trays etc; and also to confirm that you specifically have been told by the doctor not to do so?

I never expected that you need to go get the food yourself, never seen it happen. If there were a carer with the patient, maybe, but not when they are on their own. Is this normal?
But collecting dirty dishes from yesterday after the service, I have no problem. I would assume most of the people being served food wolud rather not see or smell the half eaten food from yesterday.

• This morning a dinner lady comes round, knocks on the door and shouts “breakfast trolley”. I said thanks >>>>>>>>>and then she goes, “Oh my god, what do you want”.

What happened here? >>>>>>>>