Rude dinner lady in hospital

[fedup78]

I’ve been in hospital this past week undergoing some gruelling treatment, which has been very taxing both physically and psychologically.

This morning a dinner lady comes round, knocks on the door and shouts “breakfast trolley”. I said thanks and then she goes, “Oh my god, what do you want”. I ask for tea and toast, which she brings in, then goes, “Do you walk?”

I said that I can walk but not particularly easily - plus I’m not meant to be lifting things.

She then shrugged and said if I can move my legs I should come and get the breakfast myself. I apologised and said that nobody has told me this since I arrived - they’ve always just brought it into the room, so how would I know?

I then asked her to take away a smelly plate of half eaten dinner that has been in the room since yesterday afternoon and she said she’ll collect it when she’s done serving breakfast.

I’m feeling really fragile as it is without having to contend with rude dinner ladies giving me grief. The food is grim anyway (and they often miss my room altogether) so I’m not especially bothered if I don’t eat.

AIBU to think there’s no need for her attitude and that a little bit of kindness goes a long way?

Plate of food left overnight is out of order but as she was delivering breakfast it’s unlikely it was her oversight.

Bedside manner wasn’t great but I guess if I were on minimum wage doing a usually thankless job in an environment that’s suddenly a lot more dangerous, I might have days where I wasn’t sweetness and light.

Patients are very much urged now to get up and moving as quickly as possible after surgeries, it aids recovery. She wasn’t being facetious.

Sorry you’re feeling so grotty: she wasn’t being personal. Hope your recovery goes well.

I’m a ward housekeeper and In our trust we have to take all meals to the patient, place on their table and adjust the table/bed for the patient to be able to eat comfortably. As for the dirty plate, it should of been removed the night before when they collect in but, I see why she didn’t remove it whilst doing breakfast as she wouldn’t of had anywhere to put it. Other than that I think she was being quite rude! X

Agree very unusual response to your 'thank you' ! Did you not put your order in for breakfast the night before? That's what happens in our hospital- when they bring you one meal, they leave the order sheet for the next- staff will help anyone that needs it with filling it out.

Of course it is not unreasonable to ask to be treated and spoken to with kindness, especially in a hospital. Her salary is irrelevant.

This. I can't believe she expected you to get your own breakfast from the trolley - I'm not in the UK, but here they deliver the food to you in hospital. I don't suppose the food left from the day before is her fault, but it shouldn't have been left there so their processes need looking at. She should not have been brusque either - you are in a hospital so obviously not feeling at your best and if she can't understand that and how to treat people she shouldn't be doing that job.

She was unacceptably rude and I’m so sorry. There is an opinion on Mumsnet that people who are on very low wages are allowed to behave rudely. I don’t share this view. I think they should be paid more, but there is no excuse for being rude to hospital patients and if she was working elsewhere in catering she wouldn’t get away with it.

Her job title, wages etc have nothing to do with it. In life, some people are nice and some are miserable and nasty. And misery likes company. That is the same in any profession.

Hopefully most people are nice, so ignore the nasty cow - imagine going through life feeling the need to act like that?

Get well soon OP.

Being paid the minimum wage (which actually ward hosts/domestics aren't) doesn't entitle you to be rude and brusque with patients. I've spent a lot of time in hospital this year and have been treated with such kindness and thoughtfulness, but have also witnessed rude and ignorant behaviour.

Why is it ok to be rude to people in the course of your job, just because you're "paid a pittance", as a previous poster said? She was rude and unhelpful. I had similar when on the maternity ward, not from the staff serving food but from a nurse who had a go, telling me there was a TV room across the corridor and I should go there for breakfast rather than take it when offered at my bedside. I could barely walk, wasn't allowed off the ward so had no idea the room existed, and had never been told about it! Made me feel awful, even though those serving food didn't seem to mind at all!

When my mother was ill with cancer in hospital before we got her BUPA number to her and she got her own room (thankfully she was sent home to die and spent 6 weeks dying at home which was actually a lot nicer for her)... she joked to use by phone about how a nurse came round the ward each night insisting people handed over their teeth - "giv'us yer teeth love" the nurse said in a Geordie accent. My mother (whose cousin was a dentist) was the only lady on the whole ward who still had her own teeth so had nothing to hand over. I think some people are just a bit brusque. However it must be very hard for you and I hope you are out of hospital soon.

Sorry OP, there was no need for her to be that short. I hope you’re on the mend soon

There’s a certain type of person in every profession who, once they learn the processes and routines of their job, then expect everyone else to just magically know what to do. They have no empathy at all for someone new to the situation. It’s particularly bad when the person on the receiving end is vulnerable and in pain.

It's horrible when you're in hospital and staff are rude to you. I've had this happen too. Try not to dwell on it too much. Hopefully you'll be out of there soon.

Just think of all the staff there who have been amazing, they more than make up for one rude person having a bad day or whatever!

Ask a nurse to tell the dinner lady's supervisor. She should not be interfering in patient care

Try not to take it personally Op, she was rude and touchy probably a long day and the whole Coranavirus thing in hospitals got to her.

Wishing you all the best of health and hope you're outta there soon. X

unfortunately support workers like this person are not only often paid very little, but have never had what others would recognise as 'customer service training'. Many staff in the NHS are so accustomed to large flows of patients that they forget that for those individual patients it's a very unusual and anxiety-inducing situation for them to be in.

The thing is when she comes airings 27th the trolley she's not really bringing you a choice of things for breakfast in bed, she's carrying out a very perfunctory role of getting nutrition to patients. There are so many things wrong here.

But... You could still ask again if you're not sure of things.

And she's not a dinner lady, probably like PPs have said a housekeeper, or ward host. Actually if somehow you make friends with people like her your stay ov the ward may very well be improved because it's often people like her that know how to get stuff done!

Hope you're on the mend soon.

I remember from my time working as a care assistant in nursing homes that one of our tasks was to serve meals and help those residents who needed assistance. It was very stressful and mealtimes were the worst. However, rudeness wouldn't have been tolerated, quite rightly, as they were all vulnerable.

The lady serving you might have been stressed out, but her rudeness was completely out of order. It's hardly rocket science that hospital patients will be feeling vulnerable and need to be treated with kindness.

I hope you're able to get back home soon.

It may be 20 years ago now, but I think the same lady woke me for breakfast 4 hours after I gave birth! I was battered, bruised and bleeding - and had only just fallen asleep. Her words were almost identical! It was a very bruising encounter.

Fortunately, not everyone was like her.

As a PP has said, I think the thing to keep in mind is that it wasn't personal, she doesn't know you at all - just sees another patient.

She was rude and saying it's because she is on minimum wage is frankly quite insulting to those who work in lower paid jobs.

Get well soon OP

You aren't supposed to be lifting tea and toast? I'm sorry you are unwell, but this isn't room service. You may not have noticed that lots of hospitals are kind of busy right now. She will be paid a pittance, and be overworked at the best of times, and you do seem to have been rather precious. And I see not reason that you think she was rude. Did you genuinely want all the other patients to get your smelly half eaten dinner delivered around with their breakfast.

You should get private health care. Then you can have a reason to complain if you aren't the centre of their universe.

Hospitals can be really bad at communication about basics of care - food, washing, personal care etc - and it makes it harder for staff to do their jobs - if they then end up blaming patients/ having a go at them for not knowing things, that's a sign of a bad culture overall. So I would mention it on a feedback form rather than go to the ward manager

She was rude. You are very dependent on the kindness of strangers when you are ill and in hospital. A little kindness goes a long way.

not grownup- we have a similar experience. I've always thought it was crazy how they woke up all the new mums regardless. A few of us me included, like yourself had only been there a few hours and not long got settled for a sleep. I've always wondered why they did that but I understand it would be very difficult to serve breakfast at different times.

OP she was rude, I wouldn't have been able to bite my lip. No matter what mood she was in she has a duty of care and respect and she failed. I would ask a nurse for clarification

She sounds rude op. I've been a HCA and helped served breakfast to patients. There is no way I'd have spoken to patients like that. People often feel vulnerable and out of sorts when in hospital for many reasons pain, lack of sleep missing family, pets, or their routine, receiving bad news. There absolutely no reason for someone to be off hand about helping you with breakfast. Make a note of her name and fill in a comments card. It will get noticed and have to be addressed especially if it's not the first time a patient has commented on her.

I'm surprised at all the comments about support staff in hospital not being pleasant/helpful due to low pay/low training. I've always found the domestic staff lovely, I've been in 3 different hospitals with everything from childbirth to dental surgery with heart trouble thrown in. Hospitals varied from old Victorian hospital in centre of a big city, very new hospital in a large town and a 60s hospital in a medium sized town so all sorts of hospitals, all sorts of conditions but the one constant was lovely domestic/catering staff.