Rude dinner lady in hospital

[fedup78]

I’ve been in hospital this past week undergoing some gruelling treatment, which has been very taxing both physically and psychologically.

This morning a dinner lady comes round, knocks on the door and shouts “breakfast trolley”. I said thanks and then she goes, “Oh my god, what do you want”. I ask for tea and toast, which she brings in, then goes, “Do you walk?”

I said that I can walk but not particularly easily - plus I’m not meant to be lifting things.

She then shrugged and said if I can move my legs I should come and get the breakfast myself. I apologised and said that nobody has told me this since I arrived - they’ve always just brought it into the room, so how would I know?

I then asked her to take away a smelly plate of half eaten dinner that has been in the room since yesterday afternoon and she said she’ll collect it when she’s done serving breakfast.

I’m feeling really fragile as it is without having to contend with rude dinner ladies giving me grief. The food is grim anyway (and they often miss my room altogether) so I’m not especially bothered if I don’t eat.

AIBU to think there’s no need for her attitude and that a little bit of kindness goes a long way?

A bit brusque but par for her course with non care staff being paid a pittance

Nonsense. Ive worked very low paid jobs when I was in college- didnt give me right to be unkind and rude to people.

I think calling her a ‘dinner lady’ is quite rude of you.

I think calling her a ‘dinner lady’ is quite rude of you.

I highly doubt that the OP called the woman that while they spoke, she made a mistake in her job title.

Anyway, what's wrong with being a dinner lady? People on here seem to suggest that the OP is using it as an insult rather than being mistaken about the woman's job title. There is absolutely nothing wrong in being a dinner lady.

It doesn't really alter what happened in the first place.

Hi OP

I work in a maternity ward in a city, I serve food etc. The process that we have to follow is shocking. Patients in our ward have to come up and collect their food but no one actually tells them this on admission. It’s the same with water jugs. I always take extra time to help the women and fill their water, deliver their food if they ask me etc. And the staff tell me that I'm too soft with the patients. Some women are perfectly able to walk but are in the middle of breastfeeding their baby when lunch is ready, I urge the staff to deliver the food and we do this every day however some staff will refuse to deliver it. It really frustrates me, women on a maternity ward should have all meals brought to their bedside, just like all of the other wards do. When I asked my manager why we can’t deliver the food as standard she said because the women aren’t “sick”. That’s the stupidest thing I've heard, having your tummy sliced open and legs numb, while trying to feed a baby, means that they will need all the help they can get. I actually feel so embarrassed when I have to tell the patients to come and collect food and water. Of course if they tell me that they can’t for whatever reason then I politely offer to bring it for them, I would never be rude. I do have a colleague who’s behaviour is disgusting! She shouts at patients, she’s rude, aggressive and will do anything to cause an argument with patients and staff. She has no empathy at all and it’s very embarrassing to watch. I always urge the patient to take our names and leave feedback whether it’s good or bad. Most of them don’t... they are very vulnerable and I think if a staff member is rude to them they can literally be in tears. Of course they’re probably traumatised from the birth, their baby might be sick in NNU and they’ve had no sleep. We get some really rude demanding women however I would say that the majority of the women are nice and polite and at the end of the day no matter how rude a patient is to me I try my hardest to remain professional.

I am so shocked at what you’ve written here OP because this dinner lady sounds exactly like my colleague!! Unfortunately this happens so often on our ward, please speak up and write into the hospital after you are discharged, include names of staff or uniform colours etc. This behaviour shouldn’t be acceptable. Take care x

Sorry this happened to you it’s awful when you are feeling ill and vulnerable and someone acts like that. I was a nurse for 26 years and unfortunately I did come across staff members like her. I always pulled them up on it if I witnessed it, but too many other senior staff jut let it go probably because they were scared of getting a mouthful.

Don’t take any more of it from her if she tries it again. Just a calm “please don’t talk like that to me” should do it. If she then gives you a hard time ask to speak to the ward sister and report it.

I think calling her a ‘dinner lady’ is quite rude of you.

Really? I genuinely had no idea that dinner lady was the wrong and even possibly an offensive thing to say, but happy to stand corrected if it is.

@Doglover1974 interesting insight, thank you.

Oh I'm sorry op. She was very rude to you.

I've had about 8 surgeries and I'm afraid I've had experiences like that before.

YANBU as a bit of kindness goes a long way especially when people are feeling fragile and recovering.
However YWBU about the old plate. She couldn’t collect it until after the breakfast has been served as she has fresh food on her trolley. When that has finish she would collect old plates to avoid any contamination.

I think calling her a ‘dinner lady’ is quite rude of you.

Why on earth?

What's wrong with being a dinner lady? The OP wasn't to know it's not the correct term and surely we all understand what it means.

YANBU but hospital is shit.

The walking thing is because they don't want people to get a DVT and stuff.

Feel better soon. xxxxx

However YWBU about the old plate. She couldn’t collect it until after the breakfast has been served as she has fresh food on her trolley.

Fair enough!

I had nothing but kindness from the catering staff when I was in hospital last year, I was in isolation with sepsis, I had ordered a meal from the menu for the first time what I didn't know was I was supposed to pick a meal from the 'soft' part of the menu, the meal I ordered was changed by the kitchen to spicy meatballs and mash which were 'soft' couldn't eat it I have gastric reflux so spicy food is out and I loath mash, I am ashamed to admit I cried when I saw it, the lovely lady went and got me something else she was so kind, and I needed kindness being scared and in isolation

When you feel better and get home leave some feedback for hospital HR about this lovely lady maybe suggesting she talks to vulnerable patients with a bit more civility and kindness. Regardless of 'the rules' or time pressures or her low pay grade she doesn't have to be mean.

Get well soon.

I'm uncomfortable with the idea being on minimum wage is an excuse for being rude, or should be expected. Many care staff are on minimum wage ( fortunately not where I work) and they are usually caring, supportive and cheerful in their work, and very often praised in CQC reports.

It’s like going to a restaurant and the chef storming out asking if you can cook your own dinner
😂😂😂
Is it heck!

I had chemo treatment 8 years ago and one of the nurses there took a dislike to me she was horrible I don't know what I did but she clearly didn't like me. I remember her being lovely to my husband . When she gave me the wrong medication to go home with I did have pleasure in telling her it was wrong and she did look very embarrassed. I think you get horrible rude people everywhere but when you are in hospital you just don't expect this sort of behaviour. I hope you get well soon

No idea whether she was reasonable or not as I have no idea of the set-up.

If you could genuinely not carry a cup of tea and plate of toast then yes, she was unreasonable. If you could then she was not. I have been a patient where this would not have been appropriate but in that case there was a sticker put on my door to indicate this.

I am frequently on a ward with a direct family member and the system there is that the food tray is delivered to the bed/tray table, but you have to return the used tray to a central spot. It’s odd as there is no provision for those that are not cape able if either leaving bed/chair, carrying a tray or walking what can be a considerable distance if you are in a room further to the central collection point in the ward. It’s not the nurses job. In these situations, another patient in the room who is able will take theirs and then do a second trip or other patients visitor/carers will make sure everyone in the room is okay in this regard. Sadly, this is what a health system relies on these days. Luckily visiting hours always covers meal times apart from breakfast.

I think calling her a ‘dinner lady’ is quite rude of you.

Really? I thought it was rather sweet with its primary school connotations (nothing impolite about the title, even if inaccurate in the context).

But the “dinner lady” herself was really snappy and unpleasant! I’ve been fortunate enough not to be a patient often, but I’ve spent a lot of time visiting (long admissions for close family). All the domestic staff I’ve encountered have been perfectly polite at minimum, and cheerful and friendly at best. You were very unlucky.

She was rude!. I hope you feel better soon

Sorry to hear that you're in hospital, fedup, it's an awful time for you, especially now that everything's upside down.

I don't understand why this lady said 'Oh my god'? It's odd. I've always found the trolley ladies really friendly but that was before this.

You weren't to know that the 'rules' have changed and that you're expected to get your own. If you can't then you can't and that's fair enough. Can you speak to the someone at the desk to tell them that your room is missed for meals? Presumably then you're also missing drinks and that's guaranteed to make you feel a bit uncared for.

Please don't suffer in silence, tell somebody and ask for help to sort it out.

Hope you're on the mend and recover quickly.

Hospital food service, communication in particular is very poor imo. When I had my first dc no one even told me that breakfast was out in the corridor, I'd given birth during the night so was tired and hungry luckily the lady opposite noticed I hadn't had anything and put her head round my curtain to ask me if I wanted anything and she fetched it for me and told me where it was for future meals. Like a pp said I don't see why there can't be a leaflet or sign in the cubicle telling you basic information

The morning after having a mastectomy I had a run in with a grumpy student nurse. She had been asked to do the breakfasts - maybe someone was off sick. Anyway she clearly thought it beneath her and did it with a bad attitude, stomping around. I had the temerity to ask for toast, that nearly sent her over the edge! She stood there saying “toast? toast? You can can’t have it , I don’t have time to make toast! I’m doing this as a favour!”

I laughed and reminded her that ensuring patients are adequately fed is very much part of her job. That went down well

Soontobe60 I think it's quite rude of you to pull the OP up on using the term 'dinner lady'. It's not a derogatory term.

I think it was also very rude of you to make that your only contribution given the OP's situation.

Actually if somehow you make friends with people like her your stay ov the ward may very well be improved

A hospital stay shouldn’t require navigating social structures to get a basic level of politeness or care - it’s not a bloody prison.

@Doglover1974 - sounds familiar. I spent two day’s one night admitted after having dd and had one breakfast. I’d had a spinal and catheter. I had to beg them to take the catheter out the second day and insisted I wanted to go home so they pushed through a two unit blood transfusion and let me go home. I still couldn’t tell you where the food was served from, what you were meant to do with your baby while getting it or where the bathroom was! I lost the feeling of being able to tell when I needed to urinate so ended up losing control of my bladder and there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel ashamed of it since they gave me no information on where to sort myself out and HCP’s were fairly thin on the ground to ask.... bloody awful place and they’re regularly praised as an excellent part of the hospital.

She may naturally be a very brusque person so please don’t overthink it or take it personally, but I do agree with PP her wage and work politics have nothing to do with it. She doesn’t have to be rainbows and stardust (that’d be really annoying anyway imho) but just a basic neutral politeness is all that’s required. It’s not any of the patients fault if her working conditions are stressful and pressured.

She was so rude and I can't believe people are excusing her, it's insulting to the vast majority of people on minimum wage who act professionally.

Yes she may not have been able to grab the plate there and then, but it is frankly disgusting that you have had to sit with a dirty plate overnight in a small cubicle.