People WFH with small children

[MadameBee]

This is a shameless post for a colleague and not really a AIBU.

Someone who reports to me is WFH but really struggling as she has a 1 year old and most of our work involves being on the phone.

Now has no childcare and fairly unsupportive partner (also out all day working).

How can I help her?

Can she shuffle her hours with partner and work opposing hours some of the day? Weekends?

What most of my friends and myself are doing are either Am/PM slots or 2-3 hour slots but that depends on having two adults at home. The phone calls are the things I’ve found hardest and I can’t do them unless I’m locked away and my husband is doing childcare.

Reduce her workload dramatically, take away anything with pressing deadlines and show your support for her situation. I have a mix of people on my team with different caring responsibilities and some with none. In the case of a single parent with young child - they've been told there's no expectation they'll do any work, however for their own sanity they want to, so I've allocated work that doesn't have any time pressure, can be picked up and put down, and doesn't have a pressing deadline, but has a meaningful outcome. Others in the team who are bored at home/have extra time as don't have a commute and have actively asked for more to do have picked up some extra work. Some work were just not progressing right now. Myself, I have younger children so am not working my full hours either - however we work for a large employer who isn't furloughing any staff and has made it very clear they are fully supportive of staff with responsibilities outside of work and are being incredibly flexible in terms of not expecting staff to 'make up' hours regardless of how many that may be. I guess the level of support you can provide depends on the nature of work and role being undertaken.

Hmm .. it’s so hard isn’t it? She can do some OOH but not all as needs to be around for other professionals during the working day.

I am trying to reduce her workload but it’s not that easy as ultimately it’s not up to me and I have to battle it and then take it onboard myself and I have to have boundaries around that for my own well being too.

Can you furlough her? Would she be happy with that?

Lots of shuffling and putting baby between parents.

Possibly ignore her not working "full" hours if that's within your remit.

No we can’t furlough we are public sector.

You can't furlough. Her job is available. Have you had a conversation with her to see what she thinks would help?

Yeah - I think she’s really struggling to be positive and I get that, so hoping to talk again put have some amazing suggestions as I have never been in the situation before and want to go in really positively.

@Carrie7469 you can furlough for childcare issues, although not public sector.

I think you need to be reasonable and massively reduce what work you expect to her and try to send everything that is non telephone related her way.

Is there any other work within the team that doesn't require the phone, that can be done out of hours? It's not works fault that her partner is unsupportive to be honest, but trying to work with a one year old is hard. Similarly it wouldn't be fair to just dump it on the rest of the team either, if there is some feasible rejigging that everyone is happy with?

We case hold so it’s really difficult as anything not telephone will possibly be given to other workers who are also at home (with older children) and you have to manage your own cases.

I am doing as much as I can and have suggested nap time and emailing etc.

My boss is expecting her to have a conf call and I have said just do individual calls as and when you can - but a conf call ffs.

I am going to offer to do it for her tomoz but I am FT and stacked high so it’s hard.

And I think all she can see is a wall of barriers rather than working with me to look at solutions.

I totally get how she feels abdcI am trying to be supportive and not critical.

What public sector is it?

If LG there is an agreement that some workers will not be able to work at anything like their normal capacity and employers have to suck it up.

There is only so much you can do OP, the reality is that if she feels she cannot do the work and isn't receptive to your suggestions, she will have to think about applying for paid leave due to childcare. I will be honest it isn't really fair on the rest of the team, and might brew resentment, but you can only do so much- it has to be a bit of give and take. It isn't your fault her partner is unsupportive (not hers either, but that's another matter), and if you cannot move work around within the team then seems that the options are limited.

I've got a one year old and it only works because my partner is WFH too and we're splitting it 50/50. She cannot be on calls or video calls, she just grabs the phone/laptop and yells.

We're doing a 7.30 to 6.30 day, split into 4, alternating quarters: work, baby, work, baby, then a bit of family time, then I do bath/bed while DP does tidy and dinner. Then we make up lost hours in the evening. We alternate days, too, so neither of us gets the "fun" quarter of the day with the trip out all the time, and neither is landed with the witching hour day after day. And we're EXHAUSTED.

The only way your friend can do it is with either a supportive partner or change her working hours totally. Work and one year olds use don't mesh.

I think it’s really difficult as she does have a partner and they should be juggling things between them. Does he work out of the home? If they’ve/ he’s decided that his job is more important than hers then perhaps you do need to have a conversation about temporarily reducing her hours or some form of parental leave.

If you’re public sector you should contact your hr department for advice as they should have come up with a policy around this.

Phone calls or scheduled meetings are very difficult as she simply won’t be able to guarantee a child of that age will cooperate for a set period of time. Especially if no partner support.

Can you give work that is more admin based, output focused rather than time or schedule based? If she can do work throughout the day but to her own pattern that might fit better to her needs.

Can you have colleagues agree between them, perhaps as a team who does what? Can you ask her what she can manage and how?

Review weekly. Ultimately you don’t want a poorly colleague. If she’s otherwise dependable and honest, in my experience she will pay it back (and then some).

What public sector? Are there no policies for those working from home with childcare responsibilities? You need to query with HR and explain her situation to them, see what they suggest.

I'm WFH and have two small children. My DH is also WFH. I'm still doing less than 50% my usual hours, the policy is very supportive and covers that (I am still receiving full pay).

In all honesty I don't possibly see how a public sector company can expect her to work a full day, ESPECIALLY with not much support from the other parent. She shouldn't have to work at night time etc, this time is hard enough for everyone without having absolutely zero down time.

Those who are citing resentment from child free colleagues, that is completely unfair. Workers without caring responsibilities have SO much free time. Unless you have young children in this lockdown, no one can possibly realising how all consuming and tiring it is.

I am wfh, public sector, with a 1 year old while her dad works (factory, cant wfh).
We have to work 8-4.
My line manager has been brilliant, he calls me regularly and offers support, and just checks that I'm ok basically. He has told me to do what I can and not worry about stats, he will defend what he needs to.
Telephone is required in my role. Managed one conference call during a nap and another other she screamed through, but I just muted and caught up via email. My manager has told me that in order to make calls to the users of our service, there has to be an appropriate environment therefore if DD is awake, I should not make any external calls, and just send emails instead. Noting any calls needed, to be made on the off chance I can get her to nap. No nap = no calls.
Can she not be prioritised work that wont need calls, or switched workstream?
I have to add, I was so anxious and in tears before I started. But its not been as bad as expected. Its manageable so far.

Another thought, could she be redeployed into a different role that doesn’t involve so many phone calls?

I agree OP could she be deployed somewhere else? I’m public sector (LG) working 3 days a week from home with DD 18 months and v fortunate to have an extremely supportive line manager. DH is working full time in a v stressful global role with lots of conference calls and we’re trying to share the load where possible and catch up after hours.

To be fair she should be able to do conference calls depending on which platform you use and how involved she needs to be. I mute my audio unless I’m talking, sit on floor and look at books/ chase after DD move around as needed and contribute to the call as and when I can. Everyone knows I might disappear off screen at some point, we all just get on with it. Lots of snacks and too much Peppa Pig are getting us through at the moment.

I sympathise as I really struggled at the beginning and it all seemed really hopeless. However at some point you need to try and find a way to manage things and get at least some work done.

I will contact HR - thank you.

Those who are citing resentment from child free colleagues, that is completely unfair. Workers without caring responsibilities have SO much free time. Unless you have young children in this lockdown, no one can possibly realising how all consuming and tiring it is

Yes absolutely impossible to empathise with others, and realise that not everyone who doesn't have children is swimming in free time and happy to work extra hours for nothing. I am working at home with a 14 month old, I know it's hell; it doesn't mean I think it's fair for everyone else to be breaking their back just because they don't have children, when they could be struggling. Even if they aren't, it doesn't mean they should be doing additional work for fuck all. People are happy to help, but those with children have to be prepared to meet in the middle somewhere as well rather than just po po every suggestion. I get up at 5, do a few hours, work through afternoon nap and do a few hours in the evening, I could demand to do nothing as my partner is a key worker working away and I'm alone, but I'm not an arse.