People WFH with small children

[MadameBee]

This is a shameless post for a colleague and not really a AIBU.

Someone who reports to me is WFH but really struggling as she has a 1 year old and most of our work involves being on the phone.

Now has no childcare and fairly unsupportive partner (also out all day working).

How can I help her?

@TooSadToSay , is all you have to say to people who don’t think it’s fair the childfree should have to bust a gut because of childed colleagues is, “I’m glad I don’t work with you?” Likewise lovely.

@screamed, you’re a better person than me, but after reading some of the attitudes on this thread I’m amazed you’re not planning a zoom meeting with HR over it for next week?

I’m so sorry to hear that @Sickofbroccoli your poor sister. ❤️

Wash - no, I wouldn’t do that. My colleagues with children are thankfully not saying things like I’ve read here (at least not to my face!) and I genuinely believe that doing my bit is the right thing to do. My employer is taking advantage of it because the work needs doing, and it may be that after this is all done I’ll ask policies to be looked into, but right now I just want to get through this in one piece. I don’t agree that parents should be taking leave right now - this is an exceptional situation and flexibility is crucial. Just wish it was being applied to those not seen as having other priorities in their lives, that’s all.

Probably shouldn’t read MN threads though!

so yes, by keeping my children at home and trying to work, I'm working towards the goal of stopping the pandemic spreading.

Absolutely. Of course you are.

We are ALL making sacrifices for others right now. My immediate family are in little danger of serious harm from this disease, but my husband and I are under huge pressure trying to keep our jobs/business, our marriage is under proper strain, my children are missing out on a huge amount educationally, socially, emotionally.

That’s the price we’re paying and I’m not complaining about that, it’s what we should be doing.

I think the issue with expecting others on the team to pick up the slack is that the sympathy seems to only extend to parents and not others with caring responsibilities.

Certainly not something I subscribe to. Everyone with caring responsibilities is under a lot of strain right now and needs to be supported.

@sickofbroccoli that's unacceptable; my work doesn't discriminate as to who the employee is caring for. I'm very lucky that they have been so good with this pandemic, but surely that should be the way for everyone.

I'm a single mum working mainly from home and occasionally I have to take my kids to the office and try to homeschool them too.
It's a frigging nightmare.

Screamed does your boss know you are working so many extra hours.
Can you agree TOIL - maybe not 1:1 hours wise but something.

Sickofbrocolli has your sister said anything about her caring responsibilities?

If a parent cannot carry out their responsibilities to their employer that they are obliged by contract to do, then they should take some form of absence, whether that be sick or unpaid leave. Exactly how will sickleave help the non-parents workload Wash or is it just that it will be correctly categorised that will make you feel better? So that arguably it negatively impacts people’s futures?

Give her as much work as she can deal with and no more.

She isn't working from home. She is being forced to work away from the office whilst also having to deal with childcare for a young child. don't pile on the pressure, just ask her what she can manage and take it from there.

It's not forever, and treating her with some respect and cutting her some slack will do far more for her morale and attitude when she returns to work than forcing her to try and do everything.

If childless people have a problem with that, they probably aren't the nicest people anyway.

In an ideal world she should be furloughed. It's one of the reasons listed for furloughing.

If a parent cannot carry out their responsibilities to their employer that they are obliged by contract to do

Perhaps parents signed up to those contracts not realising there would be a global pandemic which closed down all childcare in the Country.

I'm going into 'should' land here.

Parents should be accommodated on a case by case basis, with open discussion including the age of the kids, any pertinent details, and specific circumstances taken into account.

Single parent with twin one year Olds - probably can't work.

Parent to a ten year old whose partner is furloughed and able to pick up the schooling - may be more likely to be able to work but may benefit from a shift in working hours.

Child free people should also be accommodated on a case by case basis, with open discussion around their specific circumstances. They should not be expected to do more than their usual workload, whatever slack there is to pick up.

Managers should make sure this happens. Avoiding micro management and being flexible whilst also keeping a weather eye on those taking the piss.

It's not one or the other. Everyone deserves some understanding at this time and if there is more work than people able to do it then the company either prioritises effectively, amends some of their processes, or sucks it up. The mental health toll of this is huge and the companies that treat their employees with respect and understanding are going to reap dividends.

Littlebear, yes, he’s aware. It’s happening throughout my department and is an accepted collateral damage given that there’s no alternative if the work is to be done (and it needs to be).

In theory TOIL is available but my balance is now at 70+ hours. It’s not going to be taken any time soon for the very same reason it’s that high - there’s nobody to cover it. It is what it is, but comments like I’ve read here are incredibly grating.

Very sensible post from KavvLar

@LittleBearPad Yes, she’s explained that Mum wakes her numerous times per night, that she has to do all the physical tasks around the house and make sure medication is taken, clean up various messes (inc bodily fluids nearly daily) and that the carers she normally has coming in have said they can’t as due to the pandemic and staffing they’re only going to people without family.

Her employers then seem to make all the right noises, between telling her that she doesn’t know what it’s like to be tired because she’s no children, but the actual support is nowhere to be seen - she’s had a caseload dumped entirely on her that had belonged to a colleague that was furloughed due to childcare issues and the out of hours meeting requests are near daily and often sent at the very last minute.

It's also managing people that are doing too many hours, is this time being used effectively? My colleague faffs about all week and then makes a song and dance about having to finish work at the weekend, she does way more hours than the 37 but could easily do her workload in less than full time.

It became the team culture where we're all claiming for hours we don't need. My boss did an exercise where he estimated the time needed for our work and asked me to double or triple everything just in case. Some tasks can vary but it was annoying that it was then 'proof' we needed an extra person on the team when actually some people just need telling or training to work effectively.

I think some people without children thinks it's a breeze being at home with your children. Like you can get up and sit on your backside most of the day whilst the child entertains themselves. I definitely didn't have the first clue about how hard and exhausting it is before having a child. My daughter won't sit at all and play on her own and gets bored easily. It's exhausting just trying to keep her entertained let alone having to try to fit in everything else.

between telling her that she doesn’t know what it’s like to be tired because she’s no children

That's really unacceptable to throw that out there, as has been said carers are often forgotten, no more so than now. Hope your sister is okay.

I think some people without children thinks it's a breeze being at home with your children.

Yep. I wouldn't have understood it either before I had kids.

You also get the people who have one very placid, self contained child and think everyone's experience is like that.

There are some people who can do virtually nothing when their children are awake. My friend has an 15 month old who just won't be put down, she screams herself sick. My friend can barely stack a dishwasher, let alone get reports written.

Thank the sweet Lord mine will both sit in front of TV for half an hour. I'd be utterly lost without that.

That’s rubbish Sick, I’m sorry. She may have to start refusing the meeting requests just to make a point but it is rubbish to have to.

Similarly Screamed I’m again sorry. Hang on to your hours though - you will be able to use them one day hopefully. Childcare settings reopening (including schools) will be a total game changer.

Washed - that is all I have to say, yes. If teams can't pull together to distribute work even relatively evenly in a global pandemic then that's obviously a terrible place to work.

I think it's unreal that people without care work wouldn't help out to the best of their ability. Note I am not saying that anyone should take on work beyond their capability. But the idea that you can't do any extra hours at all in a grave emergency seems crazy. I regularly work extra hours in normal times when my colleagues are sick, busy or need a favour.

I’m averaging 3-4 extra hours per day because over half the workforce has dropped their hours significantly (but not the pay).
How do you know they haven't dropped their pay? People seem to be unhappy about me being not available for some tasks at work, but only my manager knows that I have actually dropped my hours by half through booking unpaid leave
Unless half of the workforce are your direct reports, you just cannot know their situation.

First, because my employer has introduced a policy of crediting the hours back to parents to ensure they meet their contracted totals. It’s entirely possible that my colleagues have voluntarily rejected this in favour of not being paid half their wages, but I seriously doubt it.

Let her just do what she can and listen into team calls, even if on mute. I've done tel con on head phones with DC in background. It's shit but not much options