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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People WFH with small children

123 replies

MadameBee · 06/05/2020 18:09

This is a shameless post for a colleague and not really a AIBU.

Someone who reports to me is WFH but really struggling as she has a 1 year old and most of our work involves being on the phone.

Now has no childcare and fairly unsupportive partner (also out all day working).

How can I help her? Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
MadameBee · 06/05/2020 19:53

Full timers have been asked to work weekends and take flexi or TOIL part timers get paid.

For this reason as a full timer I refuse to work weekends as when on earth will I take this back? On top of all my cancelled holiday And where!? My lounge again, it’s not attractive.

OP posts:
EightWellies · 06/05/2020 19:58

DW is a civil servant. Her team was told they could be flexible with their hours, including reducing them on full pay, if their personal circumstances dictated it. She now starts work officially at 8, though often she starts earlier and finishes earlier. She doesn't work at all one day a week so that I can get some work done while she has the kids.

I have friends who have done similar.

I second speaking to HR to see what the policy is.

Original poster
MadameBee · 06/05/2020 20:02

I am happy to do that - I am struggling with trying to help, my suggestions being ignored and then other colleagues telling how she “can’t do this job with a 1 year old”.

OP posts:
Lasagnah · 06/05/2020 20:02

Full timers have been asked to work weekends and take flexi or TOIL part timers get paid. For this reason as a full timer I refuse to work weekends as when on earth will I take this back? On top of all my cancelled holiday And where!? My lounge again, it’s not attractive

I don't blame you OP. I agree with others to liaise with HR.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 06/05/2020 20:03

On a purely practical point, is she having to make calls and hold the phone at the same time? I have a 1yo and can get through a call with the wee one in the room on a Bluetooth headset better than on a handset. Perhaps that might help a bit.

millymollymoomoo · 06/05/2020 20:04

Flexibility is key
I have a lady working for me with 3 children aged 3-9
She’s looking after them plus homeschooling
Being understanding
Allowing her to work hours as needed , early mornings, evenings etc and just show some support
They’ll pay you back in loyalty and effort m

Original poster
MadameBee · 06/05/2020 20:06

Hmm wireless headset might be a good idea 👍🏻

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 06/05/2020 20:14

The bottom line is her child needs cared for. That age is almost impossible. I have an almost two year old but thankfully DH and I are dividing up the day 50/50. Otherwise it would be nervous breakdown territory.

Can she be given work that’s not so time specific? They she can do during naps, evenings, weekends?

I’ve been on my fair share of conference calls with a cranky toddler and it’s a fucking nightmare.

tempnamechange98765 · 06/05/2020 20:19

Lasagnah where in my post did I say child free colleagues should be expected to pick up all the slack?

OneMomentInHistory · 06/05/2020 20:20

Depending on what bit of public sector - most civil service has the option of special paid leave for those who are really unable to work. Your HR certainly should have policies in place. Has your workload/priorities/business plan been reviewed? At this point virtually noone should be working their normal job - some work will have increased, some needs ruthless prioritising to decrease, and both have to be worked out with the staff available.

Original poster
MadameBee · 06/05/2020 20:22

Not civil service. Public sector.

OP posts:
Lasagnah · 06/05/2020 20:23

Lasagnah where in my post did I say child free colleagues should be expected to pick up all the slack?

Where is the work going to evaporate to? There are plenty of teams in my department where this is happening, because the work needs to be done, which is good I suppose as it means less likely be redundancies coming up, but if people are doing less, others are doing more. As the OP has said is the case for her being expected to work weekends etc.

Lasagnah · 06/05/2020 20:24

I just hate the attitude that those without children have soooo much free time.

Disco91 · 06/05/2020 20:26

I'm currently working from home with a 18 month old, it's so tough but here's now I'm making it work in case this could help your colleague.

I now block out 12-2 as that's his nap time and so I don't take calls at that time, it's time I can sit in my home office with two screens and smash though some work. Calls I take with him in the room as we've mastered that side of things and calls are actually the easy part now. Anything non call related is so hard to get on with without a second screen and sat in an armchair in the lounge with him wandering round.

The best thing that will probably help is if she can finish early so she can have a few hours at the end of the day one on one with her baby. I find a 4 o clock finish completely different to a 5 o clock finish as it gives me time to do an activity or go for a walk with him before bed and helps me feel like I'm not a completely awful parent letting him watch tv all day.

I think you sound like you are being supportive and that is all you can do, expect some work to be delivered but be realistic she's probably operating at 30% productivity!

Sally872 · 06/05/2020 20:31

I would try to
A) give her flexibility on when she works
B) give her less work
C) work that is less demanding
D) reallocate and stop less essential work.

The child needs supervised, that is not going to change. The service users must be getting a poorer service, and the stress she must be feeling along with guilt at leaving child to potter around as much as possible must be awful, many would burn out soon.

LaurieMarlow · 06/05/2020 20:37

I just hate the attitude that those without children have soooo much free time.

Well people with significant caring responsibilities do have a lot of demands on their time right now.

Do you disagree with that?

Lasagnah · 06/05/2020 20:40

Well people with significant caring responsibilities do have a lot of demands on their time right now. Do you disagree with that?

Nope, but I don't agree that everyone else is sat with mountains of free time, perfectly happy to do oodles more work either. Lots of people are struggling for a plethora of reasons. I agree that people should be given the support that they need, but not to the extreme detriment of others, a bit is understandable, but the attitude that it's alright they have loads of free time is not fair. And I don't think it's not plausible to understand why some people might feel a bit resentful. I was always expected to do more being childfree, it would be unbearable now. I have a 14 month old and I'm alone at the moment as I have said.

tempnamechange98765 · 06/05/2020 20:42

I'm sorry but people without caring responsibilities, who work a standard day eg 8 hours, and aren't studying or similar, do have more free time. Yes of course they might have their own struggles - mental health, worry about family members, worry about money. But in lockdown, with nowhere to go except out for essentials and once a day exercise? Yes, they have more FREE TIME.

Cremebrule · 06/05/2020 20:43

There is also a difference between 1yos. My nephew is nearly 2. Mine is 13m. Both are challenging but the nearly 2 year old could watch tv and is less likely to damage himself. My 13m old is finding new and inventive ways to try and kill herself every day. I can’t take my eyes off her. If we weren’t sharing childcare I couldn’t work. I think there will be some horrible legal cases resulting where employers have pushed staff too much and there have been accidents involving small children and ropey supervision.

LaurieMarlow · 06/05/2020 20:45

Lots of people are struggling for a plethora of reasons.

Sure, but which of those reasons would be on a par with being responsible for the care and wellbeing of one year old child?

LaurieMarlow · 06/05/2020 20:48

Thank the blessed lord my almost two year old will watch half an hour of paw patrol. I’d be totally screwed otherwise.

Lasagnah · 06/05/2020 20:49

Sure, but which of those reasons would be on a par with being responsible for the care and wellbeing of one year old child?

I forgot the world revolves around children, sorry. Let's just hand all of our work over now seen as though they apparently have nothing else to do. I hated working with a lot of other parents in my previous job, stuff like this reminds me why.

LaurieMarlow · 06/05/2020 20:50

I forgot the world revolves around children, sorry

Just answer the question.

pastabest · 06/05/2020 20:55

My situation is very similar to your colleague but I have a 1 yo and a 3yo. Also public sector, also with a caseload.

It's a nightmare and there are days I genuinely do feel like it's undooable and have anxiety attacks which I have never in my life had before.

BUT, I'm now very clear that I can only do calls requiring proper concentration when the 1yo is napping.

I prioritise the calls I need to make that day and any that don't get done during nap time are shifted to the next day.

I've asked people where possible to email me not call, and have that message on my voicemail and 'out of office'. I've been very honest With managers, colleagues and customers that I'm there doing what I can even if it's not as much as I would like to be able to do and mostly people are just appreciative and understanding of that.

If she is part time could she work 5 days rather than 2 or 3 but just do mornings/ afternoons depending on what suits her situation best? If she isn't part time could she still do that any way.

I think communication is key, everyone knows people are trying to work from home in difficult circumstances and as long as people are upfront about that and do what they can that's all they can really do.

Lasagnah · 06/05/2020 20:59

Just answer the question
.
Yes ma'am Hmm

Yes looking after a one year old is hard, you can't just leave them to their own devices for more than 20 minutes or so if you're lucky, your day is punctuated further by making and cleaning up breakfast, lunch and dinner, squeezing in a walk, a bath, and trying to make sure they aren't just plonked in front of the telly all day. That still doesn't mean I believe that people without children luxuriating in their free time should do lots of extra work. Anyway agree to disagree, because I don't believe I'm hard done by looking after my DS, or that everyone else owes me something.