To say no to lending dhs family money yet again???

[yankydoodles]

Please don't judge me.

Ok so none of dh's family have a lot of money. Neither do we but we are saving well to her a deposit for a house.

In the last year we have lent money to his mum and all 3 of his siblings. All different amounts but probably around £3000 in total.

Dh is self employed and is currently putting his weekly tax money into his mums bank account who says she will pay us back in July as she is owed some money then. She currently owes us £1100.

We lent £500 to one of dhs brothers back in January with the agreement we would get it back 2 weeks later. We finally got it back from him 2 weeks ago.

Now dh wants to lend the same brother £4000! The brother wants to buy something - I won't say what - and dh has come up with the idea that we lend the money to the brother and ask for interest back so we gain something from lending the £4000.

Dh brother has 3 vehicles to sell and that apparently will easily come to more than £4000 so we should have no issues getting it back.

I'm fed up, I'm not comfortable with it at all. I've told dh how I feel but that doesn't seem to matter.

Our savings are in my savings account so dh can't transfer him any money - it has to be me that does it.

I have absolutely nothing against his family, I have a good relationship with them all but I'm sick of them trying to take of us all the time. We are trying to get on the property ladder and have a secure future.

Saying that, some of the time they don't ask - dhs just offers it to them. I think he enjoys helping them and being the one that's 'done well' in the family. He enjoys the boost it gives him and makes him feel like the man of the family.

Anyway back to the point - I'm not comfortable lending £4000 to him. When I voice my opinion all dhs says is 'well he his these vehicles to sell, we will get it back no problem with interest'

Then I say 'well what is we don't? What if he can't sell them? It took us an extra 3 months to get the £500 back we lent him in January so I'm not hopeful'

It's like my opinion doesn't matter. Aibu to say no to lending it??

I'm not scared about leaving, I'm sensible and know I would make good decisions for me and my kids. I'm not scared to do it alone either. Not for a second. Dh is constantly working, I'm at home 100% of the time and I do 100% everything for the dcs. I feel like a single mum already.

However as much as I know leaving is the right thing to do....and even though he is a massive prick at times....can't help but still feel something for him and that's what's hard

Sorry I doubted your MIL - I was thinking of my granny, who was shite with money, and persuaded her children who worked to hand over a substantial % of their pay to her which she in turn gave to any feckless relative who rolled by.

his family don't owe us anything. They always pay everything back when they say they are going too. Never had to chase them except for this last £500 from his brother which we got back a couple of weeks ago about 3 months late
Why are you defending them here? They don’t always pay back what they owe- it’s in this exact sentence.

@LaCroixStOuen no problem, I realise how I've made her sound but she isn't the issue.

She's also going to refuse anymore money dh offers her

i've experienced something like this but on a smaller scale.

Friends and an ex bf years ago, always needing to borrow money from me.
Of course they'd pay it back - only to borrow it again a short time later.

Over time, it became a regular routine and i felt as though i couldn't say 'no' cos they knew i had that money - and it would look like i was being tight/mean.
In reality, it meant i never saw that money or got to use it for my own stuff, it was like i was paying a monthly bill for something i didn't own/have use of.

You're not a bank or a lender.
You've done enough already to help them all out.
It needs to stop otherwise it will bite you in the arse one day....

On further reflection @Fluffycloudland77, criminal is exactly the right word. My parents did own a house, the mortgage was almost paid off and they decided to sell and move whilst I was at uni (my mum hated it the whole time we lived there). It then transpired that my dad had remortgaged the house without my mum knowing. It was in joint names but he'd forged her signature. They sold the house but with what they got for it, there was only enough to pay off the re-mortgage leaving them penniless. In fact, there wasn't enough to pay the estate agents and legal fees (that's what I had to give them my student loan for).