He is furious with parents

[R3ALLY]

Hi there. Hope you are all doing ok. My worry is - DH has found out that his over 70 mother who is very high risk for c19 has been sending his father out to the shops . This is despite the fact that the wider family has organised online shopping and is continually Skyping and calling and offering support. She is a person who hates not feeling in control and I think she is just rebelling against the situation. But DH is furious ... wouldn’t call them.. says he will never speak to them again (this follows a life time of less than happy families, but in the past he always swallowed it). I don’t know what to do... I see his point but he is acting out of pure anger and I don’t want my kids never to see their grandparents. AIBU to tell him to swallow it again? Or can I just duck out and let them at it? Any advice appreciated... thanks

Presumably the government thinks it’s entirely fair or it wouldn’t have made it clear it’s a matter of personal choice.

I don’t think so, they just know that some people are too fucking stupid and selfish and therefore chose not to enforce it because they thought it would be too difficult. It’s a shame the idiots don’t only put themselves at risk, I’d be more than happy for them to pop out whenever they felt like it then. The less idiots left the better.

@Ponoka7 - I would love to know where you get all your bullshit stats from.

Maternal death rates in the UK are 10 in 100,000, so 0.01%, not 8%. 🙄

Can you explain the difference between a 50 year going shopping once a week and a 70 year old going shopping once a week in spreading the virus? Same shopping trip, same exposure, different date of birth. How is one going to accelerate the spread more than the other?

Exactly. Ever since this thing started, people have been posting on MN to accuse older people of "spreading the virus" if they should have the nerve to do what they, along with the rest of us, are allowed to do.

But a shielded person who chooses to go out is more likely to need hospital treatment if they do catch it. Is this fair on the NHS staff who gave to treat them? Or potentially others who have to carry on going out to work as they’re not in a shielded group, they risk not getting a bed or not getting the treatment they need as quickly should they need hospital treatment because the shielded people couldn’t be arsed to stay home so you’re saying the health of a person who has to go to work is more important than that of a person who is more vulnerable? I mean, if you’re that afraid of catching it then you could, you know, shield. Because you seem to think the shielded are responsible for you - they’re not.

And that aside what about those people who have been told they need to be shielding by their consultants but aren’t considered vulnerable enough to be on the government database? Because those people do exist, and there is literally no support for those people. So it could easily be argued that those people who are so selfish as to go out to work are putting the vulnerable at risk who have no other choice but to go out.

It’s just not that straightforward,but it sure as fuck has brought the selfishness out in a lot of people.

I’ve been told I should be shielding, but I haven’t had a letter, applied to the government list but not considered vulnerable enough,even though if I had the same conditions and was pregnant I would be. So that entitles me to nothing, not priority slots from the supermarkets, any of that. But if I go out and catch the virus and need a bed (which I almost certainly will) am I selfish for not putting you first? Or is that ok because I haven’t been told to shield in writing...

FWIW I haven’t been out but some have no choice.

People on dialysis for instance have to have their dialysis three times a week. Friend has had to go, several on the unit have had symptoms and had to go to other units. Is that their fault for having to go out?

Does your DH have form for exaggerated responses?

And people accusing the shielded of “not being arsed” to stay at home when most people are talking about the impact on their mental health purely for not being able to do the things they would normally do,and yet these same people expect the shielded and the older generation to sit at home and not leave their houses for the foreseeable? What about their mental health?

Maybe some people’s conditions are such that if they’re going to die anyway in the near future then they’re prepared to take their chances. We’ve all got to go some time after all,and if you’ve had a bit of an incite into how and when that will be then you might think that it doesn’t really matter whether it’s COVID that takes you.

As if boomers weren't already a target, it seems that covid will leave us with an even more ageist society. Which is really depressing.

And fuck the nurses, doctors and NHS staff who look after you when you get sick, right? Awful attitude.

Not really. But you keep telling yourself that if it helps you feel superior.

Because you seem to think the shielded are responsible for you - they’re not.
We are all responsible for each other.

I agree with a pp that's is probably more that family members have made an effort to shop so that they don't have to & are now left wondering what on earth the point was?

What has he been going for?

Is it an excuse to get out & say hello to someone-for example popping for a newspaper from a small shop or the kiosk at a supermarket is entirely different to doing a shop at the supermarket?

Has the help that has been given been wanted?

So again, define “the shielded.”because it really isn’t that simple. And FWIW no over 70’s were not told they had to shield.

So, let’s take the people on the government list.They are officially considered to be shielded. But it isn’t that simple,because there are multiple other conditions which have equally severe consequences and yet those people aren’t considered worthy of being on the government list.So what are those people supposed to do? Be treated like arseholes if they dare to go out even though they’re not considered to be “at risk”?

I have a serious heart condition. I have been told that if I catch COVID I am unlikely to survive. But I’m not in the shielded category and therefore not even able to register on the govt website.

As such my DS had to go out and get some shopping until I was able to get priority deliveries, something which again, only the shielded are entitled to, and in the case of some supermarkets the non shielded can’t even look at delivery slots.

Prescriptions are another thing he has to go out and get for me.Without some of my medication I will not survive or I will relapse and then be a drain on the NHS in a different capacity.

So if DS goes out and catches COVID and brings it back to me,does that make me an idiot?

And I’m not the only one, there are multiple people at high risk who are not shielded and therefore have no choice,and actually, are prepared to take their chances if the government deem them to be ok....

I understand his POV, but I really think that people (provided they are adult and of sound mind) have to decide for themselves what they want to do. I met an elderly couple out walking the other day - we were well away from each other (5m) it was very early and no one else was about. They probably felt that was a risk worth taking and I think people have to respect the wishes and decisions of others.

So if DS goes out and catches COVID and brings it back to me,does that make me an idiot? well if you had multiple other adults able to deliver food to your door it would be an odd decision?