To suggest this to SC’s mum?

[OoooImBlindedByTheLight]

DP’s Ex is very hostile towards us, a whole host of issues I won’t go into detail on here but if you search up my username you’ll be able to find out if you so wish.

We’ve bought a new house which we were supposed to be in by now but our completion has been delayed due to the coronavirus.

Anyway, DP’s Ex doesn’t allow us anywhere near her house. She’s lived in the same house for nearly 9 years and DP has never been past the front door.
There have been occasions where either one of us have knocked the front door to either collect the kids or drop of something and she has opened the door then said “I’ll get them” and shut the door in our faces.

She has left us stood in the rain whilst the kids faffed with their bags or getting their things together rather than just asking if we would like to stand in their hallway.

It’s got to the point where we wouldn’t even get out of the car now and just ring the kids mobiles when we’re outside.

Anyway, we’ve bought a new house and one of Ex’s new demands was “I need to come see your new house before they can stay over”

We told her the address obviously, she needs to know where her kids live with us but then she said “No I need to see what their room is like and whether the house is suitable”.

My SCs are 11 and 15, not babies for goodness sake.

DP replied “That’s great, we look forward to seeing their rooms at your house so we can get idea of how to decorate it for them and see how they’d like it”

She hit the roof and said we have no right to see inside her home but couldn’t see the irony when we returned that sentiment.

I would have no problem if she was civil or reasonable with us, but she is abusive towards and about me.

She’s simply being nosey and trying to exert power over me which is quite obvious considering she’s never asked to see inside DP’s current home where he’s lived for 6 years. She just wants to force her way into our home.

I said to DP maybe we should be the bigger people here and allow it but he rightly pointed out that she’ll bring up things for months afterwards about anything she doesn’t like about our home and that if we let her get away making bizarre rules again then we’re effectively giving her a green light.

So AWBU to say no, she’s not welcome in our home?

Tell her to piss off.
Cheeky cow.

YANBU as she has no right at all to be in your home. My only advice would be that she is being petty and you could rise above that and do what you need to do to keep things civil for the children. You could arrange to see it before you’re properly moved and redecorated etc so she has an idea but hasn’t seen how you’ve made it your home.

I’d love to actually tell her to go and get fucked, then fuck off some more. But I’m trying to keep things as dignified and calm as possible for the sake of my SCs

@Gustavo1 we sent her the rightmove link, which I wasn’t even really happy about to be honest

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable given the circumstances.
Tell her to jog on. She has no right to demand access to your home to inspect it.

She is bonkers.
Tell her to seek legal advice if she thinks a judge will agree with her.

The Right Move link is more than enough.
She’s seen it, now she can fuck off.

@pictish I agree with you but the woman is like a dog with a bone. She doesn’t let things drop so it will definitely come up again before we move in.
I am at the end of my tether with her.
I’ve sat back and silent whilst she’s called me names, sent her current partner to my hurl abuse at me and DP etc.
I’m close to texting her myself to let her know exactly why she’s not welcome.
A list of reasons exactly why.

I know it wouldn’t be helpful though and likely to cause more drama

Then I think you’ve done more than enough. The children are old enough that she doesn’t really get to say whether they can visit or not. They will want to visit. You should completely ignore any further requests from her and push on with your contact arrangements. Let her be the one kicking up stink and let the children see that she is the one being awkward.

Nope, just tell her it won’t be happening. Think she’ll struggle to stop your sc staying at yours at the age they are, they will see exactly how unreasonable she’s being.

God she's mental isn't she? Can see why your dp split up with her.

I wouldn't let her in either. She won't let you in her house so why does she have a right to see inside yours? Tell her to take it to a judge if she's that bothered, I imagine they will be pretty ticked off when she wastes their time.

I agree that she has a right not to have you or her ex in her house but she also has no right to come into yours.

Ignore her requests she’s more batshit than Dracula’s shed.

Stepchildren old enough to arrange contact with direct. Let her go to court if she wants they’ll need a laugh.

Absolutely. You’d simply be feeding the troll. She’d be beyond delighted with your list. Tons of mileage in that!

If and when it comes up again, respond.
“As previously stated, we will not be giving you access to our home.”

On repeat.

What was her reasoning for seeing inside yours but not allowing their father into hers? I don't understand how anyone couldn't see how ridiculous that sounds

God she's mental isn't she?

She is now, she wasn’t a few years ago. She has never let DP in her house but we all used to be relatively civil!
Don’t get me wrong, she was unreasonable about a lot of things but she didn’t hate me specifically.

This all started about a year / year and half ago when she met her new partner and I made a few big life changes.

I agree the kids are old enough to steer access with their dad.
Ignore her.

@Doyoumind we have no desire to go into her home. DP only said that to her to show how ridiculous it is

I think if you say a simple "no" without an explanation (and rightfully so!) this will drive her mad. Sometimes saying less is so much more effective 😂😉

Tell us more about your big life changes? Seems strange shes gone funny since then? Are yoy planning on having children maybe?

I agree with @Emerald4512.

Just say no and keep saying it. I wouldn’t have sent the right move link either, what’s good for the goose and all that.

@Pollypocket89 I think it’s simply a power play. She thinks she gets to call all the shots.
Here’s another example of how ridiculous she has been this week...
DP used to pay her maintenance weekly at her request.
She then decided instead she’d like it in a lump sum on the 1st of every month, not a problem so DP set up a standing order at her request.
On Saturday she began ringing DP getting irate because the money hadn’t reached her account due to it being the weekend. DP sent a screenshot showing it had left his account on the 1st and contacted his bank who confirmed they had sent the money, it is her bank who have delayed the payment.

She demanded more money, DP said he couldn’t do that as he has already paid her money and it’s no longer in his account so she’ll need to contact her bank.

She’s going crazy at DP

My SC jars a bit tbh. Perhaps that's her gripe?

Don't shoot the messenger here, I'm just pointing out what may be sticking in her craw.

God definitely don’t let her in, if you give on this it’ll give her fuel for more outlandish requests.

Just say no every time. Nothing else. The kids are old enough now to sort out access with your husband, so it might be time to just bypass her completely.