To suggest this to SC’s mum?

[OoooImBlindedByTheLight]

DP’s Ex is very hostile towards us, a whole host of issues I won’t go into detail on here but if you search up my username you’ll be able to find out if you so wish.

We’ve bought a new house which we were supposed to be in by now but our completion has been delayed due to the coronavirus.

Anyway, DP’s Ex doesn’t allow us anywhere near her house. She’s lived in the same house for nearly 9 years and DP has never been past the front door.
There have been occasions where either one of us have knocked the front door to either collect the kids or drop of something and she has opened the door then said “I’ll get them” and shut the door in our faces.

She has left us stood in the rain whilst the kids faffed with their bags or getting their things together rather than just asking if we would like to stand in their hallway.

It’s got to the point where we wouldn’t even get out of the car now and just ring the kids mobiles when we’re outside.

Anyway, we’ve bought a new house and one of Ex’s new demands was “I need to come see your new house before they can stay over”

We told her the address obviously, she needs to know where her kids live with us but then she said “No I need to see what their room is like and whether the house is suitable”.

My SCs are 11 and 15, not babies for goodness sake.

DP replied “That’s great, we look forward to seeing their rooms at your house so we can get idea of how to decorate it for them and see how they’d like it”

She hit the roof and said we have no right to see inside her home but couldn’t see the irony when we returned that sentiment.

I would have no problem if she was civil or reasonable with us, but she is abusive towards and about me.

She’s simply being nosey and trying to exert power over me which is quite obvious considering she’s never asked to see inside DP’s current home where he’s lived for 6 years. She just wants to force her way into our home.

I said to DP maybe we should be the bigger people here and allow it but he rightly pointed out that she’ll bring up things for months afterwards about anything she doesn’t like about our home and that if we let her get away making bizarre rules again then we’re effectively giving her a green light.

So AWBU to say no, she’s not welcome in our home?

Not sure why you even need to know
Because it’s her home too?

I would completely stay uninvolved, let your partner deal with his ex. Not sure why you even need to know, leave it to him, far less stress.

Er, no. If my DH let a crazy hostile person into my home without telling me, he wouldn't be my DH for much longer.

Your home, your rules. I disagree with the pp who said use covid as an excuse. You don't need an excuse or justification. Just say no.

Sorry, clearly ex shouldn't be allowed in, I meant that OP should let partner deal with it and so not get stressed. Its up to him to tell ex where to go.

@callmeadoctor Got you. I agree.

You have used 'my' to prefix SC repeatedly throughout your thread. It is very unusual for any poster to post eg 'my DC' when they're referring to their own children. Most post 'DC' , not 'my DC' . Most post 'SC' when referring to SC, not 'my SC'.

You seem very focussed on the SC being 'your SC' and have even outlined exactly when they will legally be 'yours'. It seems an odd position and one that would rub a mother very much up the wrong way.

@springydaff you really, really are wrong on this one. It doesn't read that way at all and saying "the SC" would sound totally impersonal and dismissive compared to "my SC".

Plus the grammar of "SC" without "my" sounds wrong because it is.

I'm interested - do you genuinely believe that "most" people use "SC" instead of "my SC" on here? Because I've been using MN for a good decade and that isn't something I believe to be at all true. I'm genuinely interested if you believe that?

Well here’s the level of crazy I’m dealing with...
Youngest SD has a blanket she sleeps with and she left it at my house yesterday. I rang her and said I would drop it off today so I did, I also rang ahead to say I was coming and when I did then my SC ran out to the driveway to grab it from my car.
DP’s Ex then sent him a text saying I’m not welcome to do that again, even though she’s generally ok with me picking the kids up or dropping things off and the SCs stayed with me on Sunday night 🙄
I can’t do right apparently

OP, you sound like a brill stepmum.

I really don’t get the objection to the term ‘my SC’. I have two stepparents and I always felt far more part of the family to the one treated me like one of the kids of the collective family, compared to the one who always treated us as her ‘partner’s children’.

Wouldn’t it be nice if children benefitted from extra parental figures rather than this awful assumption that someone is trying to replace a bio parent 🙄

Did your husband reply saying why what's the problem with u dropping something important round?

She's batshit and I want to punch her just reading about it!

@PrayingandHoping he replied “You must be joking?! If not, get a grip”

Good on him 👏👏👏👏

I can only assume she’s unhappy in her life OP because happy people don’t carry on like this, seeking contention and control.

Springydaffs something has stirred you up but I don’t know what. The OP really does not read like the show-stealing stepmother you’re portraying her as, while your reasoning with all the my SC/the SC/SC nonsense, is bizarre.
My SC is fine. It’s factual, descriptive, accurate and appropriate. No idea what you’re on about.

YANBU. Broken record technique, no is a complete sentence etc. etc.

The kids ages are largely irrelevant; toddler or teenager, she has no right to demand this.

I wonder what the kids think about their mum slamming the door in DP’s face?

My mum did this to my dad when I was a child; horrific divorce. At the time I thought it was funny, as an adult I understand they were both suffering. I don’t think badly of either of them and I’m very close to them both.

I'm glad your DP has got a backbone (mine has only just started growing one).

@heartsonacake I sincerely hope my SCs aren’t bothered by it. Again, just to be clear I only stated that in response to a PP saying “I wonder what your SCs think of their mum not being allowed in your house”

So I replied “I wonder what they think of their DM slamming the door”... again, just show how silly the double standard is.

I really hope the children are left unaffected by their DM’s hostility towards us. So far it’s not effected the relationship with have with my SCs so I hope it stays that way