To suggest this to SC’s mum?

[OoooImBlindedByTheLight]

DP’s Ex is very hostile towards us, a whole host of issues I won’t go into detail on here but if you search up my username you’ll be able to find out if you so wish.

We’ve bought a new house which we were supposed to be in by now but our completion has been delayed due to the coronavirus.

Anyway, DP’s Ex doesn’t allow us anywhere near her house. She’s lived in the same house for nearly 9 years and DP has never been past the front door.
There have been occasions where either one of us have knocked the front door to either collect the kids or drop of something and she has opened the door then said “I’ll get them” and shut the door in our faces.

She has left us stood in the rain whilst the kids faffed with their bags or getting their things together rather than just asking if we would like to stand in their hallway.

It’s got to the point where we wouldn’t even get out of the car now and just ring the kids mobiles when we’re outside.

Anyway, we’ve bought a new house and one of Ex’s new demands was “I need to come see your new house before they can stay over”

We told her the address obviously, she needs to know where her kids live with us but then she said “No I need to see what their room is like and whether the house is suitable”.

My SCs are 11 and 15, not babies for goodness sake.

DP replied “That’s great, we look forward to seeing their rooms at your house so we can get idea of how to decorate it for them and see how they’d like it”

She hit the roof and said we have no right to see inside her home but couldn’t see the irony when we returned that sentiment.

I would have no problem if she was civil or reasonable with us, but she is abusive towards and about me.

She’s simply being nosey and trying to exert power over me which is quite obvious considering she’s never asked to see inside DP’s current home where he’s lived for 6 years. She just wants to force her way into our home.

I said to DP maybe we should be the bigger people here and allow it but he rightly pointed out that she’ll bring up things for months afterwards about anything she doesn’t like about our home and that if we let her get away making bizarre rules again then we’re effectively giving her a green light.

So AWBU to say no, she’s not welcome in our home?

@Pjsallday I gave up my rented house and moved into my mum’s (very large) house so I could save money for a deposit, I went back to uni to do a masters degree and have forged a very good career and DP and I got engaged.

Absolutely no children on the horizon! I already have 2 and so does DP so we’re done
4 between us plenty

Awww she’s hilarious.

Like someone else suggested, Rightmove if she’s that bothered. And believe me, she is bothered. It will be driving her mad that you’re buying a nice house. Wouldn’t surprise me if she goes for a maintenance recalculation soon....

Absolutely no way - what a cheeky cow.

To balance this, I have two stepkids and we both have exes. Neither of our exes are allowed into our house and I have also done the same in terms of closing the door on husband's ex and said the kids will be out in a bit as she used to invite herself in and make me feel uncomfortable in my own home. There's no need for her to come in - she can text them from the car and tell them to come out. Same applies to my ex husband. So I agree with your partner's ex in that respect. But by the same token, she is taking the piss wanting to come into your home. If she's that desperate to see the kids rooms, send her photographs.

You don't need to give a list of reasons. Just say no. Every time.

She sounds jealous and a bit crazy. To keep your own sanity I'd keep contact as minimal as possible. Get DP to liaise when necessary. Keep in regular touch with DC.

My ex is allowed into our house because he’s a nice guy and very nice to my DP. He stays and has a cup of tea with us sometimes, but I’d also do the same at his house and have even stayed for dinner with my DP’s kids!
I just don’t want someone so hostile in my home

She does sound odd. I'd just say it's no problem to come and have a look if we do the same (as you have) and just repeat that.

My exes both come into my place and I go to theirs. No hanging about. When my ex moved earlier this year, the conversation went:

Him: I have a nice big bedroom for DD now
Me: oh lovely 😊

Then when I dropped her over he asked if I wanted to check out his new place. I did out of nosiness and liking looking at properties. I made no suggestions as to DD's bedroom and he didn't at mine either.

So to be clear... my ex even welcomes my new partners children into his home.
If DP’s Ex was nice to us then we could all get along

What about a guide price list?
£9.95 for the basic tour.
£12.95 she can visit 'the smallest room'. And for £20 she can see the sex den you shag her ex in....

Well done on remaining so calm with her until now. It's clear there is jealousy or insecure feeling bubbling away with her. Despite having her own home and partner she's stil not happy - it's quite sad really.
It's hard but try not to even take any notice of her. Pay CMS on time and keep records of any refusals to allow children to visit new house. I am assuming children have seen new house in rightmove and are happy (As happy as that age are with anything) ?

I'm saying all this but wickedly you could play some immense games with her being do wound up lol

What about a guide price list?
£9.95 for the basic tour.
£12.95 she can visit 'the smallest room'.
And for £20 she can see the sex den you shag her ex in....

🤣🤣🤣 Oh my god.
Please send this op

Why would anyone have an issue with the phrasing 'my sc'? They ARE the ops sc, they're their mothers dc

What is the problem with ‘my SC’? They are the OP’s stepchildren. She’s not claiming anything that isn’t factual. Any mother getting weird about that is just being silly.

The alternative to ‘my SC’ would presumably be ‘DH’s DC’. And that would be a bit weirder really.

I can’t for the life of me see how I could object to DS’s stepmother referring to him as ‘my stepson’. That’s just an objective statement of their relationship.

I can imagine the sort of ex (looking at you, DH’s ex) who insists the the DC are ‘her children’ (and hers alone) in some sort of attempt to deny that they are equally DH’s children might decide that it sticks in the craw that they’re also ‘my stepchildren’. But the fact remains, the children are your stepchildren when you’re married to their father.

My SC jars a bit tbh. Perhaps that's her gripe?

And I bet if she said “dh’s children” she’d be called cold and uncaring. Am I right?

Just say no. If she starts refusing contact go to court. She sounds like a complete .

I had one of these, I bet yours like mine doesn’t even want to see inside the house but actually just wants to see if they can flyer away with enforcing this bizarre boundary breaking request therefore reassuring herself she still holds all the cards in the silly power plays and mind games she’s clearly enjoying playing.

I found a simple ‘no thank you’ on repeat suffices.

*get even

She will come in and make a snide comment or two and it will take the shine off your new house. Don't let her in.

My SD's mum and partner dropped my SD off at our new house and proceeded to show us pictures of their new house and said things like "oh, our sitting room is much bigger than this!" Etc etc. It was painful and really made me feel shit! Don't let her in.

My SC jars a bit tbh. Perhaps that's her gripe?

Why? They are OPs step children? I'd understand if she'd said my DCs. Saying her SCs is accurate, not an insult.

Ps. Do not let her in she sounds like a right cheeky cow.

I don’t see the issue with my calling them my SCs, they are my SCs and will legally be my SCs very shortly 🤷🏼‍♀️
I adore those kids. It’s one of the reasons we’ve saved so hard to buy a big enough house in the first place because I really wanted them to have their own bedroom and space rather than sharing with my kids. It’s important to me that they feel they have their own space just for them in our home and feel like it’s their home as well

@Humina that’s exactly it!
We’re so excited and proud of ourselves of the beautiful home we’ve been able to buy. I don’t want her ruining that for us

Sounds like the sort of thing my husband’s ex would do 🤬🤬 It’s like these women think they have all the control and some seem to think that they are still married to their ex. My husband’s ex still treats me as inferior even though she ended it. She’s like the kid who discarded a toy as it was ‘boring’ yet the second someone else took an interest it was the best toy ever and she wanted it back.

Is his ex his ex wife or ex partner? Just wondering if it’s a jealousy thing relating to your upcoming marriage if that’s something she never got?