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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say that making your child eat cigarettes as punishment is abuse?

194 replies

Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 21:50

DH has just told me that his brother, about 14 at the time, was forced to eat cigarettes after being caught stealing them from their mums packet. He then added that his gran chimed in and said that she should have made him smoke the whole packet.

DH is virtually no contact with his mum for reasons that are nothing to do with this, but that is abuse isn't it?

OP posts:
DustyMaiden · 03/05/2020 21:51

Yes it’s poison

NearlyGranny · 03/05/2020 21:51

It's poisoning!

Slumcat · 03/05/2020 21:52

Yes, that’s abuse that’s truly awful

ViciousJackdaw · 03/05/2020 21:54

I'd say so, yes. For comparison, I was grounded and had pocket money stopped when I pinched Dad's cigs. I know this lockdown means we've all got too much time to think and dwell on things - Is your DH ok?

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 21:54

His brother was sick as a result of it.

DH seems desensitized to alot of his DMs behaviour because it was the norm as he knew it. Thank god he hasn't emulated her parenting style.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 21:56

DH is fine, thank you for asking.

It came up as we were talking about smoking in general, I was stunned when he came out with that.

It shouldn't surprise me really as I know she's a cow for want of a better word, but Christ.

OP posts:
Hannah021 · 03/05/2020 21:57

I really dont get ppl who breach other ppl's confidentially. What a 14yrs old boy did back in the days is not a topic for discussion. It is a private business, adds no value to anyone to bring it up.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 21:58

Well given that it's an anonymous forum I fail to see the problem. I'm not naming anybody.

I'm aghast, perhaps not everyone would be, hence me asking.

OP posts:
PlanDeRaccordement · 03/05/2020 21:59

Definitely abuse.
Unfortunately a lot of punishments used by prior generations were abusive.

BelfryBat · 03/05/2020 21:59

@Hannah Abuse should never be kept quiet. What ARE you thinking of?

DulciUke · 03/05/2020 22:00

I don't get people who police other's threads and tell them what is and is not appropriate to post.

Abbccc · 03/05/2020 22:01

I agree with Hannah but not many people on here do.

EmeraldShamrock · 03/05/2020 22:01

I’ve heard of that punishment. It was a common suggestion to force said teen to smoke the pack.
My parent’s use to say they’d make us eat them too, it was an empty threat.
It is awful similar to putting soap in a child’s mouth for using bad language, my DM did this on instruction from her DM to my Dbro in the 70’s none of us used bad language once we knew there was a soapy consequence. DM was a young mum and very naive.

Phifedean123 · 03/05/2020 22:02

Horrible abuse. Your poor BIL and DH.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 22:02

Mumsnet and AIBU in particular is full of people asking for perspective in relation to PIL's behaviour.

OP posts:
TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 03/05/2020 22:03

Are you the mum Hannah021? What a strange post. If course it should be discussed and not kept private. This kind of thinking is why people suffer for years a e abusers get away with their actions!

Thehop · 03/05/2020 22:05

I remember my friend getting her mouth washed out with soap. Was the done thing then. She was very sick

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 22:05

It is awful similar to putting soap in a child’s mouth for using bad language

Yes I've heard of that as a common punishment back in the day. In DH's case, he said if they swore then it was hot chilli sauce in the mouth and not soap. I kid you not.

Fucking dreadful woman and I'm thankful our DC have nothing to do with her.

OP posts:
powershowerforanhour · 03/05/2020 22:06

Did the brother ever steal cigarettes again?

Herpesfreesince03 · 03/05/2020 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EmeraldShamrock · 03/05/2020 22:07

How old is DP’s Dbro? Not to minimise his suffering. Adults were cruel cunts to DC to keep them in place with the past generation.
I know abuse still happens but the majority have changed their mindset on smacking.

Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 22:07

Did the brother ever steal cigarettes again?

Probably. He's a smoker now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Roostersmum2 · 03/05/2020 22:08

How old is DP’s Dbro? He's almost 40 now

OP posts:
Thelnebriati · 03/05/2020 22:09

I had friend who had their mouths washed out with soap, or forced to smoke. My brother was beaten with the spikes of a hairbrush.

This isn't a breach of confidentiality, none of the children can be identified.

Doggodogington · 03/05/2020 22:10

How old is he? I think years ago (60s 70s 80s) punishments like were dished out and considered usual. A friend of mine was caught smoking and forced to smoke the whole pack until she was sick. Obviously times have changed now, but unless there was a pattern of abusive acts by the parents, if it was a one off, I wouldn’t say it was abusive for back in that period of time.
Of it were more like 90s/00s then I’d think they should know better.