AIBU about rooms?

[CursesAndMagic]

I currently have a 10 month old son who is in the box room with not much space for much else apart from cot wardrobe and a chair. My partner has a 9 year old who has a huge room with not much stuff in it and I’ve just found out I’m
Pregnant again. The house is a three bed so baby will share with us until 6 months but then I wanted the babies to share as they will be around a year and four months apart and same gender. Am I being unreasonable to expect the kids to switch rooms so I can get two cots in the bigger room which is currently my partners child’s? I think the younger ones should share and that’s impossible in a box room. AIBU?

@ipitythepontipines she does get undivided attention - she gets plenty of it in a positive way. Not for ruining her things and getting them replaced. I didn’t insult her at all I stated how she behaves which In my opinion isn’t correct. Yes she spends a lot of time with us we have lots of days out. Cooking time. We bake. We create things. We go outside together. She plays with her dad on video games we watch films together we do all the other stuff. I’m not saying at 9 she should say oh I’m so happy you worked got money and bought me this. What I am saying is she should know not to ruin things and reply with oh just buy a new one. There’s nothing wrong with anything I’ve said. And she isn’t a third class citizen at all. I didn’t know you lived here with us and could comment so deeply on our lives. And money isn’t a nebulous concept to her - she cares about her money and she understands how much things cost she just has no respect for when other people buy things. Third class citizen that ruins their bedroom and gets a new one with new furniture. The child is clearly deprived.

It doesn't matter whether the OP is the child's mother or stepmother, it's not acceptable for children to routinely damage items.

I hate the view that some have where stepchildren should be given a free pass to be rude, a free pass not to do chores, a free pass to have additional treats, a free pass to be destructive because their mum and dad aren't together anymore. Letting children behave how they like isn't good for them. At what point do those proposing vandalising the house is normal child behaviour think is the time to teach a child they don't get to be destructive? What about if they start trashing the house at 14 when they're in a bad mood? Does that get a free pass? Or when they want the latest smartphone after smashing the screen on their last one because they've not be taught to look after their property?

@MangoHat no she doesn’t get it replaced from us but his mother has a tendency to go against us and will buy things and have them delivered. She bought her a Nintendo switch for Christmas and she decided she didn’t like it and wanted a wiiu so she was bought that and her Nintendo switch was sold by his mother and then she decided she wanted another Nintendo switch which she bought her. The little bedroom is already decorated lovely so she said she likes the way it is and wants it to stay same colours etc. We decorated her room recently so she could have a refresh as it needed it bearing in mind it was only decorated last summer. And less than a week later it needed doing again as she doesn’t care about her stuff. Her bed is half black where she has coloured it with marker but she will be keeping it because it was bought in February this year.

@IPityThePontipines and how often she sees her mother is down to her. She feels old enough to decide that and is mature enough to see how her mother is and decide for herself if she wants to go and spend time with her, when usually she says she wants to stay with me and her dad. So it’s not like she’s rejected by her just her choice where she wants to spend time.

And undivided attention at 9 for damaging things? No she doesn’t get undivided attention for that she gets consequences. For good behaviour of course she is rewarded and she is rewarded often as like I said previously apart from that she’s great.

And not that I have to justify myself but yes she’s my stepdaughter but that doesn’t mean she’s treated any differently. If I buy my son something I’ll get her something too. She wanted a dress like mine so I bought her it and she ruined it before she even wore it and said it’s okay you can just get me w new one. I’d say 90% of her clothes and things like that I buy.

So im not replacing the dress. She can wear one she already has or wear that one for the next occasion we have.

There's no need to defend yourself OP.

Some posters have huge chips on their shoulders about step mums. Step mums should treat their stepchildren 100% identically to their own children in all ways, except when it comes to discipline, expectations, pulling their weight around the house, and manners. In those situations the stepchild should always be allowed to do what they like and the stepmum should keep her nose out because they're not her children and they don't need someone playing mum.

Naturally, if a woman has a new DP he is obviously a much better dad to her children than their dad, and if he's ignoring children he has with his ex it's because the ex is unreasonable.

@lolasmiles thanks. I honestly wonder why I even post a thread sometimes.

If you'd written this:

Im expecting baby number 3 and we are trying to work out bedroom situations. Would it be unreasonable to move my 9 year old into the box room so the toddler and new baby can share the middle sized room in due course?

Nobody would be questioning you because it is the most sensible solution.

If you'd put
DC is 9 and has been repeatedly vandalising and breaking items, drawing on the front door
Then people would be bending over backwards to tell you that you should totally have some consequences in place, probably with some offering a smug comment about their DC would never do anything so awful and disrespectful because they get a hand written thank you note in ornate calligraphy from their 6 year old every time they buy new socks for them.
Because you're a step mum and this is your step child, obviously the behaviour is acceptable and you should realise it's totally normal.

@lolasmiles you’re right. There’s nothing more to say really. It’s gone from bedrooms into something completely irrelevant. If she was my daughter and not step daughter she would be going in the small room anyway I only asked because i didn’t want to be unreasonable but I guess that’s how it’s been turned so that’s fine.

She’s just brought me her Nintendo switch which is broke because she left it on the floor and stood on it and asked when can we replace it because she needs it. So if any of the Mumsnetters who think I’m unreasonable want to chip in and buy her another one because I’m not because she’s quite clearly deprived feel free to send one to us. I’m sure she will appreciate it.

she ruined it before she even wore it and said it's ok you can just buy me w new one

This would really appall me to be honest, it sounds like you are anyway and it's just falling on deaf ears so far but I would want to put some serious work into that attitude. Discussing it on MN with the people that think it's ok for 9 year olds to act like toddlers is clearly a waste of time, though 🙄

@aSofaNearYou I know I took her let her pick it out with matching shoes and a cardigan which was around £160 all in and now it’s ruined she’s saying she won’t wear it Now because she wants one with sequins. Hers had sequins and she pulled them off so I’ve told her she isn’t having a new one but Of course, I’m mean.

I think its completely fine to switch them. 2 children sharing should get the bigger room.