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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about rooms?

140 replies

CursesAndMagic · 03/05/2020 14:16

I currently have a 10 month old son who is in the box room with not much space for much else apart from cot wardrobe and a chair. My partner has a 9 year old who has a huge room with not much stuff in it and I’ve just found out I’m
Pregnant again. The house is a three bed so baby will share with us until 6 months but then I wanted the babies to share as they will be around a year and four months apart and same gender. Am I being unreasonable to expect the kids to switch rooms so I can get two cots in the bigger room which is currently my partners child’s? I think the younger ones should share and that’s impossible in a box room. AIBU?

OP posts:
Beldon · 03/05/2020 18:01

The suggestion of 2 adults sharing a box room only big enough for a cot is hilarious Grin

LuminousAmber · 03/05/2020 18:09

She’s not there all of the time and she’s the only girl wheras the two boys will have to share.

Of course she should have the smallest room.

By all means make a big fuss of decorating her new room and treat her kindly. But she’s a child. You TELL her, not ask her.

Jesus, no wonder so many people are stuck with spoilt brats with behaviour problems nowadays Confused

BuddleiaTime · 03/05/2020 18:14

Because most people find out they’re pregnant at a few weeks and it’s not possible to tell that early what sex the baby is. So I found it odd that OP knew this information.

And then she explained. Why do people nit pick at posters. It's very unpleasant. If you have doubts about the truth of a post just move on.

cornersteps · 03/05/2020 18:14

I would leave it as is, keep new baby in with you and crack on with your loft conversion when you can. Our youngest was 2.5 when she left our room. That time scale would give you 3 years to sort the loft.

Butterymuffin · 03/05/2020 18:18

I would leave it as is, keep new baby in with you and crack on with your loft conversion when you can.
Agree with this, if that's the long term plan anyway then why not get straight on with it? You've got at least a year.

Why do people nit pick at posters. It's very unpleasant.

It was a fair question and not asked aggressively. I had wondered the same thing as you wouldn't expect someone to know the sex just after finding out they're pregnant.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 03/05/2020 18:36

And then she explained.

After I asked.

Why do people nit pick at posters. It's very unpleasant. If you have doubts about the truth of a post just move on.

We all ask questions. It’s how threads progress. If you disagree with this just move on. FWIW it wasn’t a doubt about the truth of the post. It was a question about how OP knew the sex of her baby at what I thought was an early stage of the pregnancy. IME it’s not possible to tell before 16ish weeks- I wondered if there was some new private scan available that could tell earlier. OP answered and now I know there isn’t. So I’m glad I asked.

Smilebehappy123 · 03/05/2020 18:41

Stop pussy footing around a child , tell her she is moving out her room as you need the space for yours, does she live with you?

imsooverthisdrama · 03/05/2020 18:44

Why not just get the loft conversion done?
She's already explained that Hmm

LizzieLoafer · 03/05/2020 18:47

She wouldn't have a choice if she was your own child.

We had to share as kids. Brother (only boy) got the box room.

Why do people pussyfoot around kids nowadays?

Batmannequin · 03/05/2020 18:55

She's 9. Why do you need to discuss this? It's obviously the only practical solution to put her in the small room. I wouldn't allow an argument to start about this. You can't have a 9 year old dictating what goes on.

QuixoticQuokka · 03/05/2020 19:03

Why can't the baby share with you until they are older? My child was in a cot size toddler bed from age two to five. Wait until the loft is done.

twilightermummy · 03/05/2020 19:43

I like **Stannis' idea. I've moved into the box room in the past to allow the children more space. I only use my bedroom to sleep, they have all sorts of tat.

Myshinynewname · 03/05/2020 19:45

Why are you doing this now? The baby won't be here for 5 months, then 6-12 months in your room. She could happily stay where she is until next year.

QuixoticQuokka · 03/05/2020 19:46

An box room won't fit a double bed, they barely fit a single against one wall. If it fits a double bed then it's not a box room!

lyralalala · 03/05/2020 19:50

I wouldn't even get into this just now. You've another 20 weeks of pregnancy then you've got 6-18 months of the baby in with you (no chance you'll want a baby waking in the night disrupting your toddler's sleep)

There is a huge diffrence between 9 and 11 in terms of understanding and resonableness. It'll be massively unsettling for a child only in your home part time to have two siblings in quick succession so leave her settled in her room for now and then move them all round in 18 months+ time

BarbedBloom · 03/05/2020 19:57

I think people are pussy footing because if the step child feels pushed out she may just stop coming in a few years. She has gone from being an only child to having two half siblings, people understand that is an adjustment for a biological child, but more so for a step child.

I think crack on with loft conversion or just maybe take her somewhere and let her pick up some nice things for her new room. I probably would have been okay with a box room at that age if I had room for my stuff. However the box room at our house was too small for a full bed and I was over six foot by 12, so I had to have the bigger one

Smilebehappy123 · 03/05/2020 20:38

@barbedbloom
Stop encouraging snowflake behaviour for gods sake

Tinyhumansurvivalist · 03/05/2020 20:47

When exdp and I found out baby would be a girl we moved dss into the box room and put dad in the big room and kitted it out for her and dd. 8 year age gap but dsd is only there about 45% of the time and dd was always brought up to know that she wasn't to go near dad's stuff.

Their mum went ballistic, she expected dd to be in the box room and dad and dss to have the big room. At 10 & 8 there way no way I was comfortable with them sharing.

All 3 have high sleeper beds so the girls have their own space beneath and then a big floor area to play in.

You need to do what is best for the family as a whole. If dad doesn't live full time with you then it's not a big deal for her to be in the box room. Equally at 11 sje will mor ethan likely be put growing toys that require space to play with so will need less floor space. The babies will need the space for toys etc.

Nombie · 03/05/2020 21:00

I may be harsh saying this but why is it even a discussion. She is a child and you need to do what you think will work best. Put her in the box room and the babies share.

Your the parents not her friend asking permission. Tell her she can go screaming or pleasantly and if the latter she can decorate the room how she likes.

With a baby and another on the way got to be assertive or they'll run all over you.

I grew up half of the time with my grandparents in a 5 bed house, my grandad had two rooms as offices, both much larger than my bedroom and then they had separate bedrooms leaving me with the box room. Never even occurred from me to moan about it even when at 16 I moved in permanently and spent 80% of my time in there when I wasn't at school. At one point I had a computer desk which straddled part of the bottom of the single bed so I could have a computer to work on.

Kids make do she'll be fine and thankful to not be sharing a room with a grizzly baby.

Original poster
CursesAndMagic · 03/05/2020 21:37

Just for clarification step daughter lives with us full time.

OP posts:
BessMarvin · 03/05/2020 22:28

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend
Sorry not relevant to the OP but you can find out earlier. I found out about 10/11 weeks because you can include it as part of the NIPT.

ChandlerIsTheBestFriend · 03/05/2020 22:30

I had no idea this was possible- thanks bess

PlanDeRaccordement · 03/05/2020 22:57

I’m reluctantly one of a few YABUs

Box rooms are smaller than a prison cell. Closets in the US are bigger. They’re not meant to be used as bedrooms. I would never ever put an older child in one and your DSD will be 10+ by then. (Using it as a small baby nursery is fine as they do not need much room.)

Yes I know many adults grew up in one as a child, but that doesn’t make it right.

I would do everything I could over the next year to either do that loft conversion or move to a bigger house.

crispysausagerolls · 04/05/2020 07:32

IME it’s not possible to tell before 16ish weeks

Your experience is not up to date! I found out at 9 weeks with both boys - blood test called the harmony.

SpudsAreLife84 · 04/05/2020 07:44

Box rooms shouldn't be a room for anybody, they are far too small. Even just sleeping in there at weekends would be uncomfortable, but full time?! Keep the new baby un with you for 12/18 months or whatever whilst the loft gets sorted and then switch around. There is no rule that babies have to move out of your room you know Hmm