Non resident parents don't like paying child support do they?

[Moomin8]

Or is that just my experience?

My ex husband paid maintenance after we split at the rate suggested by his solicitor. One day he suddenly stopped because he wanted to pay his credit cards off and he also felt he was paying too much. I contacted the CSA (at the time) and he ignored them and ended up doing a deduction of earnings order. And they figured out that he owed more not less. A few years later he had a big pay rise, did not tell them so he managed to under pay me for years.

Now, my baby's dad who I don't live with had said to me before she was born that he'd use the government website to work it out & I said fine.

Then about 2 months ago he suddenly decided to halve it, apparently because he didn't get any commission that month. I've never seen his payslips so I've trusted him to be honest.

I suggested we ask the CMS to calculate it because that's fair and he hit the roof. Has been absolutely vile to me in messages and has now blocked me.

He has not lost his job or been furloughed had recently decided to buy our daughter a £500 number plate for her car which I argued she doesn't actually need right now but she does need clothes and formula etc!

I'd always go through CMS, way less hassle.

That’s like me saying “my DH has always paid well over the CMS minimum, plus extras, and hasn’t reduced the amount even after having two more children and a large pay cut after being made redundant so therefore ALL NRPs are very happy to provide for their children as they should”.

Which is clearly not the case with this twat you are dealing with. He seriously spent £500 on a number plate for a baby while trying to dodge contributing to her actual needs?? He’s an idiot and I hope you manage to get him sorted out

My ex doesn’t have to pay any maintenance according to the child’s maintenance service. He’s exempt from paying!

Loads of men dont pay child support. However now youve posted nike i can see that its all my fault that i havent had a bean in years. I should have thought it through before i uncrossed my legs.

There should be harsher laws for non payers.

There sees to be none well nothing tat gets enforced anyway.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh don’t hoick up those judgy pants up too high now will
You my dear.. you’ll end up with labia burns

The government bare minimum is not even that much to pay. There really should be harsh penalties for those who do not pay. Can't see how their children will ever respect them. I've not been in this situation but get so angry that NRPs can get away with it

Our experience was my DH ex used their kids to spy on us, took.bank statements and kept asking for reassessments. DH was self employed and worked. extra hours for 3 months so that he covered the bills and could take time off when out daughter was born. Another assessment was requested and the CSA decided to ’average’ that wage which was supposed to last 6months. We appealed and they refused leaving us with a £1000 bill a.month! Nothing made his ex happy she constantly kept saying he'd had wage increases. It ended in him having a breakdown and us in so much debt and we had never missed a payment and always used the CSA so she got what she needed and no accusations. It can work both ways and it's really sad because it affects people in so many ways, especially the children.

If you’ve been in this position twice in your life, perhaps that should be a warning bell to choose the fathers of your children more wisely
Unless she already had children with them, or both had a string of previous children that they boasted about not paying for, how was OP to know?
Yes, definitely there needs to be harsher penalties for not paying.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh have a word with yourself. What possible impact could your comment make apart from being nasty and making people feel bad? Perhaps you should choose your wording more wisely.

I’ve literally posted a similar thread op.

I don’t know what to do :/

Well yes the billions in uncollected maintenence would suggest you're correct. It's certainly been my experience.

If you’ve been in this position twice in your life, perhaps that should be a warning bell to choose the fathers of your children more wisely

ODFOD. Right off.
The benefits of a crystal ball, eh?

OP is bringing up her children as best she can. The people to have a go at here are her ex partners who consider maintenance to be optional. They are the problem, not her.

There is nothing you can do.

Well that’s a bit of a sweeping generalisation.

I think for some nrps, blindly handing money over just feels like not being involved in their children’s lives. Obviously maintenance needs to be paid, but I can see why nrps feel like it’s dead money if they’re not the ones who are spending it or they have no idea what it’s gone on towards their children. It may be a pride thing.
Some nrps just do not like handing money over to their ex because they think the ex will use it for their own benefit. If their split isn’t amicable the nrp will resent every penny.

The CM minimum is a joke, it’s nowhere near enough to cover the costs of raising a child. The argument is the NRP should only pay half towards the child’s upbringing but CM definitely isn’t half especially if NRP barely sees the child.

The penalties for non payment aren’t harsh enough either. The system needs a complete overhaul. I haven’t been paid since lockdown fwiw, he’s claiming he hasn’t been paid yet but has form for bullshitting so not sure I buy it. Everyone else I know on furlough was paid this week.

perhaps that should be a warning bell to choose the fathers of your children more wisely.
Some partners are VERY nice until they spilt or until you leave them. If you've ever been a relationship you'd know that.

This is about society's values, and making it unacceptable for partners mostly men that you're arguing for to cheat their own children & taxpayers financially with little consequence.

...And until YOU develop a fool proof way of predicting future good partners pls wind your little neck back in !

Oh and controlling exes like to use the whole ‘you’re just using this money for yourself’ line. It’s an absolute pittance if they’re only paying the minimum so trust me, the RP almost definitely isn’t using it for themselves.

@NikeDeLaSwoosh It's people like you who make the non-payment of maintenance so social acceptable.

You have a man who is 50% responsible for the DC he creates. He walks away from that DC, does no childcare and pays a pittance towards their upbringing and you say "It's the woman's fault."

Are you a man by any chance?

You're absolutely right OP. My ex really resents paying cms. He has forgotten it is used to give his child a house, lighting, warmth, water, clothes, food, school and personal items, shoes, school trips et etc. It really pisses me off that he resents it.

Right now I am not sure whether to go to the CMS.

The mention of the word makes him absolutely livid and I said, well if we can't agree surely that is the fair thing to do.

Does he have something to hide?

perhaps that should be a warning bell to choose the fathers of your children more wisely

My ex husband seemed like a great person till I found out he had a drug problem and a problem with being faithful, after which he became violent. I couldnt have seen it coming either as people like that can be very good at hiding the real them from almost everyone they know.

My sympathies to you. If I could have my time again I would do things differently. I would not trust my exdh to be honest or decent to our planned and wanted dd. I would not just accept the then csa decision. I don't know how many pay rises he had in the 13 years he paid maintenance but the £28 a month never changed.
I am truly grateful for the benefit system for keeping a roof over our heads until I could work ft, but I am still bitter about exdh and still kick myself that I did not fight for dd.
Absolutely get onto CMS! You won't get any more nasty messages with his blocking you. Don't be me, naive, trusting, afraid to rock the boat.

And if he does un block you, get a new phone number for your trusted and loved ones, and reply to his messages with, 'Thank you for that message. It is now saved.'