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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do some of DDs schoolwork for her?

131 replies

NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 13:14

She's 10. Finding this whole thing really difficult.

Her work online has just been clogging up and she's well behind. We keep getting reminders sent out.

She's stressed. Crying everyday.

AIBU to do the stuff online that is not identifying, no handwriting etc.. Just to ease the load a little and help her get back on track.

The teacher says she needs to do the items.

It's around 60 activities (we didn't realise they were being uploaded for weeks!)

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 02/05/2020 13:19

No. But why don't you put aside some time and sit with her and encourage her without actually doing the work yourself. It has probably built up now that she doesn't know where to start. Just help her organise it and go thru one bit at a time. Tell her you'll be with her to provide support. Don't engage in complaining about the workload.

grafittiartist · 02/05/2020 13:21

This is such a new way of working for them.
Children are used to going to lessons where they find out that hour what they will be doing, then do it with help.
All of a sudden they have huge to-do
Lists and it's overwhelming to them.
Not sure what the answer is.
Can she chose say 3 to do in the morning? Then break.
I feel for them- it's a lot of responsibility, particularly for those who want to work hard.

tootiredtoconga · 02/05/2020 13:22

Why don't you just contact the Teacher and explain the situation?

greenlynx · 02/05/2020 13:26

It’s awful situation for both of you to be in. You shouldn’t be stressed, she’s only 10 and there are plenty of time ahead, the mental health consequences for both of you could be much greater than some homework. Is it a private school?
I would email teacher that you didn’t realised that home work was uploaded so could the teacher advise you now what should be your priority. Be firm and polite, put it plainly that if she won’t choose you would choose yourself. Don’t do things yourself, choose things with you daughter she might enjoy like project or arts, and then focus on basics like timetables/reading.
Are you working? If yes, remind her teacher about this, gently at first.

Lidlfix · 02/05/2020 13:37

I wouldn't do it for her but I wouldn't maker fo it either. As a teacher setting work and giving feedback remotely my instructions are to encourage participation give feedback on what we receive but that's it. Teachers have no idea if a child ill, parents ill, child having to share IT between WFH parents and siblings. Or simply not in a place where schoolwork is important. I would let them know that the pace and challenge is not working for DD as we have a duty to differentiate, given it's not easy online but they could adjust length of task or length of time to complete.

AgentJohnson · 02/05/2020 13:46

Talk to the teacher and make an agreement on how to clear the backlog.

Doing her work for her sends a poor message. This is a teaching opportunity.

sirfredfredgeorge · 02/05/2020 13:57

No, you would be silly to do her work.

What you should do is advocate for her with the school, there is no reason for work to be piling up, there is no way a school can demand work be done, indeed it's rather silly.

Your school is almost certainly misguided in what it is attempting in any case, you don't learn much from worksheets, activities etc. you learn from teaching, the worksheet is what happens at the end as a review / practice of what you've learnt. Without the teaching it is a quite different thing.

Presumably your daughter is in year 6, so completely disengaging is likely harmless anyway, it's not as if you need a future relationship with the school.

Original poster
NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 13:57

TBH I don't relaly care about the message right now.

This isn't a normal situation.

Teacher just says do as much as she can each day of backlog
... Whilst uploading 5 new items daily.

Either that or I'm going to tell teacher she's not doing the backlog and will start fresh on monday

OP posts:
Original poster
NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 13:59

She's 10 fgs. Lost all her routine. Misses her friends. Misses her family. Has cabin fever. She's bored. Feeling lonely. Extremely hormonal.

She's doing the daily work but can't put a dent in the older stuff

OP posts:
poolsofsunshine · 02/05/2020 13:59

Can you look through all the tasks and work out what the key themes are? For example multiplying 4 digit numbers, or rounding, or using adverbs or the passive tense, or whatever.

Then just do one piece of work with each objective. Sit with her if your working hours/ other children allow.

Then look at what she's done and if she's struggled with anything do more of the set work on that theme. If she hasn't then discount the extra tasks on that theme as lower priority.

If the teacher is responding to messages ask the teacher for guidance in doing this, if not just send a message into the void telling the teacher this is what you're doing.

You can easily Google key curriculum bobjectives for each school year.

What matters is that your child doesn't fall behind with knowledge and skills. By contrast completing a tick list of tasks is not actually what matters.

MagisCapulus · 02/05/2020 13:59

Ok, so I would tbh. Online apps are non identifiable. Get her to talk through the written answers and type them for her?

Sh05 · 02/05/2020 14:00

I wouldn't do it for her but work your way through the most important stuff backwards. So last week's first, focus more on maths, English,science. I would probably sit with her for those then let her complete a few subjects that she enjoys.
I think contact the teacher so they can tell you which are most critical for her to complete.
Let's be realistic, she's not going to be able to catch up 60 pieces of work as well as those that are being given this week and I don't think the teacher will insist upon it if it is upsetting her so much.

Knocksomesense · 02/05/2020 14:01

OP, I know this is really weird and I've never done this before, but I'm a qualified teacher and have been a tutor for 7 years. Would you like some help? Free of charge? My clients are dropping like flies due to financial pressures so I have some free times in the mornings. I'm sure MN would vouch for me

Knocksomesense · 02/05/2020 14:01

Ps is she using mymaths?

Dotty1970 · 02/05/2020 14:03

Absolutely not, this will not help her and is wrong.
my dd has suffered like this exactly, I say with her, helped as much as possible but ultimately contacted her teacher to explain and for support, this made my dd feel much better

Mumdiva99 · 02/05/2020 14:03

Blimey the school doesn't sound very flexible. I'm all for encouraging kids to do work but she shouldn't have to clear a backlog if there is new stuff every day. I would be firm with the teacher that you will support her each day but you draw a line and will start from now. (Teacher should remember all kids are different and all kids are in different situations at home. Not all of them can achieve the same as others.)

Janek · 02/05/2020 14:05

I would start afresh on Monday. My year 9 dd started afresh last monday after the hols. the school had had lots of feedback that they were setting too much and this has improved. however, each 'hour' lesson is still taking over an hour. but my dd is stoic and hardworking and older than yours. in your position i would be tempted to start afresh every day. there is a very high chance that the teacher is setting far more work than your dd can physically do in a day. a lot of teachers seem to be forgetting that it is not like setting cover work - you need to set loads so they don't run out of things to do - they should be setting the bare minimum to keep the children up to speed, and if that doesn't take the 'whole lesson' it doesn't matter.
also, will she even have that teacher next year? who will even care what she's done, come september? your poor dd, i am so sorry she is getting stressed about this. that is not right!

Dotty1970 · 02/05/2020 14:05

Ultimately we haven't done the back log, it was this as the main stressor, she's now keeping up well.
The first weeks were very difficult with routine etc which I think didn't help.

VashtaNerada · 02/05/2020 14:07

Sounds like you’ve made the right decision. As a teacher, my class’ mental health matters more than anything right now. If they need to skip some work, so be it.

Wheresthebiffer2 · 02/05/2020 14:08

I must admit that I have done work for my DD on occasion, BUT, it was only stuff that I knew for sure she could already do well. If she had done it herself, it would have been a nice reinforcement of work learned, but at the time, similar to you, things were out of hand, and I just did it to get it done and off the list.

eeyore228 · 02/05/2020 14:08

I wouldn't do it for her. I would contact the school and explain that she's struggling and will start from scratch on Monday. That way you will keep up.becuase you are just doing what's been set that week. This is challenging you're right but how this is dealt with will help her deal with difficult situations, this won't be the only bad thing she will have to deal with in life and this is a great way of helping her with a few life skills too.

YgritteSnow · 02/05/2020 14:08

I've been doing some of DD's work and also have heavy input into quite a bit of the work she does herself. She'd be doing it all day and into the evening if I didn't and this time would be even more stressful for her than it already is. I print everything out for her, plan her day and keep her on track. I've written a couple of essays but with her sat next to me finding the relevant quotes and info from the source material so she's still learning it. I can't stand to watch her struggling for two hours over a short essay, which I can bash out in ten minutes due to my 70 wpm touch typing skills.

Many MNetters get very irate about parents doing school work for the kids though so I am sure I will be drubbed but I don't care Smile

LonginesPrime · 02/05/2020 14:09

Fuck the backlog, OP. Obviously it will make her feel defeated to sit down to work knowing she's 60 tasks behind.

I would drop a brief email to the teacher explaining she's behind and that she'll catch up when she can, then start from the tasks that are being set now.

Then keep on top of what's coming through, and once she's feeling better about things, add in the odd task from the backlog so she can get through those too.

Popfan · 02/05/2020 14:10

I'd contact the teacher again , say she isn't doing the backlog but will start afresh on Monday.

MayhapMayhem · 02/05/2020 14:11

Start fresh on Monday. If it's feasible, try to get this week's done by Thursday so she can use Friday as a catch up day. Or set aside some time on Saturday morning to do some, either a set time or a set number of activities.

This week, my 10 year old had 10 compulsory tasks and then another 8 voluntary tasks to do. We've done the compulsory ones but none of the extra.

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