To do some of DDs schoolwork for her?

[NotJustStories]

She's 10. Finding this whole thing really difficult.

Her work online has just been clogging up and she's well behind. We keep getting reminders sent out.

She's stressed. Crying everyday.

AIBU to do the stuff online that is not identifying, no handwriting etc.. Just to ease the load a little and help her get back on track.

The teacher says she needs to do the items.

It's around 60 activities (we didn't realise they were being uploaded for weeks!)

@NotJustStories be kind to yourself.
Sack off the school work for a little while.
DD’s school has told us to do what the kids feel they can but that MH and family harmony is far more important. That they’ll all catch up when we return.

Honestly your DD is 10. This really won’t affect her education wise at all.

Ignore/delete all school reminders. Be kind to you and your family. School work does not matter right now.

Email the HT and Chair of Governors...
...don't be so daft, it's nothing to do with the Chair of Governors, it's operational, and within the remit of the HT.

Teachers just can’t win at the minute. Some parents complain there’s too much work, some say there’s too little. Some people say the teachers contact too much, some not enough. They can’t really do anything right at the minute.

Just sit with her and encourage her, help her through it. I’m sure nothing will happen if she doesn’t complete it all, she just needs to do some of it.

My Hamlet essay scored 18/20

I'd tell school you're starting afresh on Monday, ignoring the backlog and that you don't expect them to give your child any stress over the other work - especially considering the unprecedented circumstances and how it's important to protect children's mental health.

I contacted my child's teacher near the start of this and we discussed how we were going to approach things with DD2 as she's very highly strung and find some areas of work very challenging - school agree with me and trust my judgement to pick/choose/supplement whatever they've been providing.

You're not the only family who've fallen "behind" with the online work because of not being aware it was being uploaded or able to access it or whatever.

Teachers just can’t win at the minute. Some parents complain there’s too much work, some say there’s too little. Some people say the teachers contact too much, some not enough. They can’t really do anything right at the minute.

This isn't about teachers. This isn't a "teacher bashing" thread. This is a parent struggling thread. Let's not make this yet another thread about how tough teachers have it.

Let me translate from teachers' speak: "try and do the 5 new activities each day. See if you can get one of the backlog done a day, or even one a week. No panic, but I've got to say this bollox. Personally, I'd much prefer she wasn't stressed and just tried her best."

I’d start her fresh on Monday and make sure she gets through each day’s work - make sure it’s done.

Then I’d set aside an extra 30 mins each day to sit with her and push her through the older tasks - I’d read out the question, talk to her about it and guide the answer, type it up and submit. So I’d almost do it but have her heavily involved.

Demonstrate to her that it needs to get done but sometimes we have to make judgments about what requires 100% effort and what requires 80%-is-better-than-it-not-being-done effort.

@NotJustStories if you don’t have time to help her catch up use start a fresh on Monday.

Is all of the work actually worth doing? We're lucky that our school is just asking for a small number pieces of work to mark each week. We cherry pick the work that we do to ensure the teacher has something to mark, but otherwise we do the work that is most appropriate for my DDs. If they are secure on something then we don't necessarily do the work, or just do it out loud. If it's way too hard then we might skip it or simplify it. It is hard for teachers to differentiate at the moment, so we are differentiating ourselves.

I would help her! I did a brilliant presentation last week & made some amazing 3D shapes...
My DD does all the literacy & numeracy stuff herself, but I'm helping with the rest when she needs it. Do what you need to do to help your daughter and ignore the judgy knickers!!

I wrote an essay for my 12 year old last week for a similar reason. She'd was just overwhelmed and hated the subject. Initially I was just helping by writing down examples, I got her to find some quotes, and wrote down 'the plan' for her to finalise and type up. But I'm extremely fast at typing and knew I could do in several minutes what would take her over an hour with our faulty keyboard, so I ended up just doing it for her. I was most disappointed when I asked her what the teachers feedback was and she said uploaded homework was never marked!

I have done occasional other bits of homework for the dc, just giving answers for them to write or whatever. Not habitually, but occasionally it's just better for their mental health and mine. And in my kids case, they are likely to forget everything within a week even after hours of study on something so it is really unlikely to make any difference to their long term attainment.

Secondary teacher here. Absolutely do not do the work for her, if for no other reason than it's a total waste of your time (and the teacher's if it's marked). Wasting your time won't help with your mental health.

Contact the teacher and let them know that your child will be starting fresh on Monday without clearing the backlog. You might need to ask if they can do something to stop the reminders. You are not asking about starting fresh on Monday, you are giving the solution. If you feel able to, you could ask if there is ONE or TWO pieces that are needed to make the current work more accessible to your DD. If the teacher can't sort it, you go to the next person up. In Secondary you'd go to the head of year, but Primary my guess would be the deputy head or head.

I've been contacted by kids who are struggling and by H of Y where there is a bigger problem and a kid needs a break from everything. A plan can always be made. Please don't worry or let yourself or your DD get so upset about it. You are doing your best and your DD will be fine. She's in a much better position than many of mine who aren't engaging with the work at all for a variety of reasons.

My dd is getting her work via email. Idk how your dd is getting hers. Can you archive the tasks your dd hasn’t completed? If she then wants to do something more, she would then need to physically go to the archives. But they wouldn’t be sitting in front of her.

As for the teacher, I’d tell her categorically this wasn’t going to happen and that such talk is damaging your dds mental health and remind her your dd is doing her best.

Tattydevine . You got marks during lockdown - good going.

@Whatsgoingonrightnow - tbf this is not about teachers. It is about a parent trying to work from home while home schooling 4 kids and struggling with her own mental health. That is tough in anyone's books. If we want to talk about teachers I personally think they should make it clear any home learning is optional and the family's health is most important. That's what my DD's school has done. I'm unwell with Covid at the moment. I can't spend hours on home learning with my DC.

@NotJustStories - you are clearly finding this all very stressful and I'm not suprised. If you need to just forget about the school work for a week then review. Do what you can manage. Maybe try half an hour to an hour per day supporting one child only. Try to set up a few things they can do alone. Can your DD use Maths Factor, for example. Plan some nice things to look forward to - just simple things like watch a movie together with popcorn, the older ones help youngers to make brownies while you relax and then get to taste test! Don't beat yourself up! All we can do is our best. Luckily my DD's school is only providing optional work. If it was compulsory we would have a massive back log too. Take care of yourself 💐

Can I ask the parents who are doing the homework, presentations etc, what are you getting out of that, and how exactly does it help your child learn? Yes, guide them, work through questions to help them work out the answer, but to actually do the homework what is the point?

If your child is struggling with the work, whether it is because it is too hard, too much, they are anxious then you need to tell the teacher, not do the work yourself.

I agree with contacting the teacher and saying she wont be doing the backlog and will start again on Monday. What a shame your DD is so stressed. That's not right.

Do what she can. Choose an activity to do tomorrow then keep on top, if you have spare time look at the back log but if not don,t worry about it. No point you doing it that's just wasting everones time.

Don't do the work for her, but do tell the teacher that she can't clear the backlog because it's negatively impacting on her mental health. Just start afresh on Monday, and try to ensure that she is supported to complete the work going forward.

She's ten. She shouldn't be stressing about workload.

Ineedaholiday
I am not doing my dds work for her but I have been heavily involved. She had a piece in English to write and hand in. It is very obvious I had a lot of input into it both in the planning and execution. For me, I did this to help her to construct a piece of work. I helped her to turn sentences around, suggested phrases if she was stuck, guided her where to add rhetorical questions and encouraged her to use alternative vocabulary eg adjectives better than “nice“. She’s yr7, 11. I was also a sounding board and she though to use alliteration for example. My aim is for her to be able to do all this herself as she gets older.

@user3274826

Why on earth are you doing your children's homework? Do you not thing that their teachers know you're doing it? Do you go into school and sit their exams, or sit in their lessons?
It isn't good for their mental health at all, what's good for their mental health is to build resilience and learning to stick at something. Talk about helicopter parenting!

@Mummyoflittledragon
That sounds very useful for your DD. If you're collaborating, and she is learning from your input she will only improve. What you've done is what every teacher would do in class if they had enough 1:1 time for each student.

Soontobe60
Thanks, I hope so. She’s somewhat limiting herself by refusing to read. But she does like to write....

Can I ask the parents who are doing the homework, presentations etc, what are you getting out of that, and how exactly does it help your child learn? Yes, guide them, work through questions to help them work out the answer, but to actually do the homework what is the point?

I'm taking the chance to teach my children, particularly the child with SN, strategies to help her in school, that take some time one-to-one to establish, but will hopefully support her moving up the school. She has working memory issues - so I've been working on her formulating a sentence, recording it and then replaying the recording to get it down on paper/PC... rather than her trick she gets up to in a class of 30 of doing two words, getting distracted by a molecule of air, and floating off into oblivion!

Things like making sure the eldest knows how to make a powerpoint properly - from scratch rather than just banging text into a pre-made template which is what they tend to do at school as it's quick and looks good straight away. Working on some GOOD internet search skills rather than just printing any old shite out Google spits out. I'll do the odd spot of typing to help speed things along once the kids have done some of it (more than anything else my sanity can't take an hour of a 6 year old painfully pecking away at the keyboard and they get frustrated after a while) - but it's very much led by the kids.

Sounds like I'm loving this home school thing - I fucking hate it, but at least I think I'm doing it pretty well!

I helped her to turn sentences around, suggested phrases if she was stuck, guided her where to add rhetorical questions and encouraged her to use alternative vocabulary eg adjectives better than “nice“.

English is such a hard one as it is a skill. There are so many skills children need to absorb and learn to use - imagery, tone, sentence structure, word choice, clever user of punctuation, it all becomes overwhelming to them and having 1-1 support from an interested parent will really help, but be careful of them becoming reliant on you to hint what can be improved and don't develop the skills gradually themselves over the next 2-3 years (it is like never letting go of their bike, they appear to be able to cycle but can't really). Producing writing beyond their current capabilities can be counter productive in the longer term. We made this mistake with ds early on.

What eventually worked for him, and made him more independent writing, was telling him to use a thesaurus to learn new words (he also doesn't read much, other than occasionally newspapers), and helping him make mind maps of things to consider when writing rather than help with individual pieces of homework. He is much older than your dd so his are pretty full from notes from the teacher and revision books (Scottish nat5), but simpler ones based on what the teacher has taught her so far to remind her to practise these skills in her writing, however clumsily, will help her to develop the skills herself over time. He is good at close reading/analysis now and persuasive type writing, but still struggles with creative. This is because he is painfully lacking imagination due to limited reading, if you can encourage reading at this stage it would really help in the future.