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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To do some of DDs schoolwork for her?

131 replies

NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 13:14

She's 10. Finding this whole thing really difficult.

Her work online has just been clogging up and she's well behind. We keep getting reminders sent out.

She's stressed. Crying everyday.

AIBU to do the stuff online that is not identifying, no handwriting etc.. Just to ease the load a little and help her get back on track.

The teacher says she needs to do the items.

It's around 60 activities (we didn't realise they were being uploaded for weeks!)

OP posts:
TeacupDrama · 02/05/2020 16:10

start on Monday with monday's work at 9am do about an hour ( 2 bits) have 20 minute break like at school then do another hour ( 2 more bits) or so then either another break and another hour or an earlier lunch then another go ( 1 more bit) then some art/ craft / then some physical activity
if the 5 bits from teacher on Monday are finshed before 12am do 1 off the backlog or encourage her to do a mini topic on something she is interested even if it is Harry Potter or Anime look up a few facts see if you can find a suitable documentary do art and drama based on it find music that is like it lots of films have a few classical tracks see if you can find originals

slipperywhensparticus · 02/05/2020 16:14

My son has a backlog on mymaths we went through it found ones he was confident on and blitzed them then we are hitting ones he is less confident with and whittling it down of course he now has more to do but we are making a dent that is the best we can do

minettechatouette · 02/05/2020 16:16

Personally I would ignore the backlog and do the new items.

minettechatouette · 02/05/2020 16:16

I wouldn’t do the work for her - totally pointless.

minisoksmakehardwork · 02/05/2020 16:28

Don't worry about it. Park the older stuff and concentrate on the newer stuff. As and when you get time, if she wants to, go back to the old stuff. This is what we have been doing with missed pieces.

Make a plan moving forward for getting work done. Although when I first read it, I thought you were talking about secondary school age as DD1 has loads of assignments on her log in. The primary children have 3 eng/maths/reading tasks a day with optional other activities. They probably haven't done 60 pieces between them since lockdown started!

The teachers have been lovely about it. Hopefully yours will be understanding too, especially if they know how upset your DD has been getting.

MorganKitten · 02/05/2020 16:54

Sit with your child and help her.

Igglepigglesgrubbyblanket · 02/05/2020 17:11

Yanbu, but if you in some way don't want to/ want to be truthful etc... I'd suggest contacting the teacher and telling them what you think is acceptable for your DD. Tell the teacher that to maintain decent mental health for your DD you are giving her 2 hours a day (or whatever) on tasks and will therefore be ditching some of them. Then just stick to that.
Tell your DD that you've negotiated for her and that everything is ok, she just had to work 9 - 12 with two breaks (or whatever you choose) and try her best.
I'm a former primary teacher (did it for 10 years). Your DDs mental health is the most important thing here

Original poster
NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 18:19

'sit with your child and help her'

Are you fucking serious?

I'm trying to work from home.

I'm having to 5 pieces with her.

5 pieces with her Yr 3 brother.

I have 2 high school age sons that need a lot of guidance and pushing to their MOUNTAIN of work.

Whilst trying to maintain some level of basic cleanliness in the house and I have severe MH issues myself.

Just sit with her and help her ffs

OP posts:
Original poster
NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 18:20

I can't do any of this anymore.

I can't.

I feel like I wnat to throw myself under a fucking bus.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 18:22

Sorry. I shouldn't have said that

I'm not coping very well with all this. It's all coming to a head.

I just feel so stressed and lost

OP posts:
YgritteSnow · 02/05/2020 18:23

OP. Ignore the back log. Don't listen to judgmental randoms on MN. Start afresh on Monday. When your child goes back to school she will not be alone in having gaps. Ground will be recovered. Finally never post on MN if you're already feeling like shit 😊

YgritteSnow · 02/05/2020 18:25

I have cried, my child has cried, my older child has been white faced at the stress of it all. My HT friend said "do what you can, it won't be marked anyway!" Listen to my HT friend ok?

FinnefanFox · 02/05/2020 18:29

No you should not be doing it but facilitate in helping her. My son 8 is the same, but we work at our pace and tick each one off when completed. If the school keep sending out reminders just ignore them.

Rockbird · 02/05/2020 18:32

I'm sorry it's all become so stressful. My 12yo (yr7) isn't cooing well at all away from school. She also has a backlog and just isn't able to keep up without teacher input. I'm going to email her head of year on Monday to let her know the situation and see what can be done. The school are posting a lot of work and expecting the students to 'attend' all of their lessons at the scheduled time. I'm sure lots of them are able to work like that but DD1 isn't and she's getting lost and behind and the more behind she gets the more anxious and stressed she gets. It's a nightmare for her.

Original poster
NotJustStories · 02/05/2020 18:34

Thankyou Ygritte

OP posts:
Odyc · 02/05/2020 18:35

I have done work for my son. He is always there watching and we talk it through but I do it to get it done. He is a very slow worker. Not at all good at getting on with things. He is also a very anxious child.

MrsWooster · 02/05/2020 18:42

As a fairly-recently-ex teacher myself, I’d recommend telling her teacher to fuck off (not literally). Send her an email, copying in the head and chair of govs, and say your daughter has been struggling to adjust to the situation and has fallen behind. As you have repeatedly tried to explain, she is doing current work and will continue to do so, but the pressure that the teacher is putting on your daughter is impacting her emotional well being and must stop immediately.
It’s simply not ok to be putting excessive strain on anyone at the moment.

MrsWooster · 02/05/2020 18:43

Forgot to say, don’t do the work for her-bad message. Standing up for her, and getting a clean slate is a very different message!

cansu · 02/05/2020 18:46

You email the school / teacher and explain that she is behind and so you have decided to start from afresh. Start with the new work next week, don't try and catch up, it will be too much to do.

I am a teacher and would actually advise this to any of my pupils who haven't yet engaged with the home learning. I am gently encouraging but am not getting them to go back and complete every assignment they missed.

mmgirish · 02/05/2020 18:46

Hi OP,

I'm a teacher. Please don't do the work for her. It sounds like you have enough to do. Email the teacher. Explain that she won't be doing the backlog but will start afresh next week.

I'm not criticising your children but a year 3 student and a 10 year old should be able to work independently to allow you to get on with your own work responsibilities. (Unless they have an additional learning issue)

Good luck!

mmgirish · 02/05/2020 18:48

Also please ignore the advice to email the chairperson of the board of governors - not necessary.

Headbangersandmash · 02/05/2020 18:49

There's no point in you doing the work.

Tell teacher that she will start afresh or will only do the subject that she's weaker in (eg do maths but no literacy/science)

reginaphalangeeee · 02/05/2020 18:55

I wouldn’t do it for her, but I definitely wouldn’t worry about the backlog either. Just let her start fresh and do the current work, let her build her confidence rather than stress about everything that’s needs to be caught up on. She’s doing her best and that’s what matters.

Celerysam · 02/05/2020 18:57

Set a routine for her with daily work time. She's not on holiday she should be doing school work. You can give her a routine.

I don't buy all this, "this situation is so tough for children" or even adults to be honest (excluding those with major financial worries).

ineedaholidaynow · 02/05/2020 19:03

Please do not email the chair of governors, I can’t believe an ex teacher would advise that.

You are obviously under a lot of strain and have other children to look after too.

I would talk to the teacher on Monday and come up with a plan. But also tell them you are struggling to juggle everything. If your DD needs more of a handhold are there other ways of getting her to learn eg BBC Bitesize, Oak Academy, any apps with educational games on? So she isn’t missing out on education but just not necessarily doing the work set by school.

The teacher should be willing to help you.

How much input do the older ones need? DS is Y10, we leave him to it, unless he needs extra help.

And you need some time to relax too OP if you can.