To do some of DDs schoolwork for her?

[NotJustStories]

She's 10. Finding this whole thing really difficult.

Her work online has just been clogging up and she's well behind. We keep getting reminders sent out.

She's stressed. Crying everyday.

AIBU to do the stuff online that is not identifying, no handwriting etc.. Just to ease the load a little and help her get back on track.

The teacher says she needs to do the items.

It's around 60 activities (we didn't realise they were being uploaded for weeks!)

This reminds me of when I got stressed about my art homework and was in a right state so my mum did it for me. She was indignant when I got the worst mark I'd had thus far She's still indignant 20 years later!

Definitely tell the teacher you won’t you touch the backlog. Is she year 6? She’ll be starting afresh at a new school in September anyway. Make it clear to your daughter that she is not to look at or worry about the backlog again.

My son got behind on line with maths a few years ago - i sat with him for hours over several weeks and he completed everything with rewards at various intervals. I think its best she does it herself though.

I used to help one of mine by typing out her answers to homework, to get it done quicker, she would dictate it and choose the pictures, she's dyslexic and would get stuck for hours trying to write one sentence when younger.

In this situation, though, I would be firm with the teacher. The backlog does not need clearing, your dd is now engaged and working hard. Crying, distress, extra stress is the opposite of what schools should be promoting now. I would write an email to the headteacher and the teacher saying that you came late to the online work, your dd is working well now, but due to her distress/upset, you will only be working on current work and trying to keep up with that.

I cannot believe they are chasing you anyway, a survey came out showing up to 4/5 of children are not logged on, 2/3 in secondary so who are all these caught up perfect children and why do you need to stress your dd out pretending to be one?

Don't do it, don't force her to do it, explain calmly and politely to her teacher just what effect this is having on her. As far as you can, keep on top of work from Monday onwards but forget the backlog.

Fuck that - she's 10!

Ignore backlog - ask teacher to mark it all as done or something in the app / platform so it's not sat there staring at you. If teacher can't, can you enter 'n/a' '0' or some kind of easy entry for everything to get rid.

Crack on with a fresh start on Monday.

Just explain to the teacher it's too much at the moment and she's doing what she can.

As a teacher, I have had parents clearly do work (some that has been non identifying), a teacher knows a pupils capabilities and most can tell a mile off it a parent has completed the work.

It won't solve the problem, I tell people to do what they can. Most school should be the sane you'd think.

Pupil's

I’d contact the teacher and tell them your daughter is struggling- which is totally understandable- and she will not be doing the work that is already piling up but will start new and fresh on Monday with whatever is sent her way. Maybe if she has time at the end of each day she can tackle something but only if she’s up to that. She needs winding down time, fresh air and plenty of sleep. And some TLC. Those things are just as important as school work, some would argue more important.

Poor girl. It’s hard for everyone but some people struggle more with stress than others. My daughter is like that.

It sounds like dd is missing the structure of her days.
Can you plan a timetable with her? Morning class 9-11.30 break 30 mins. 1 hour PE. Lunch. Class 1-2.30 break/snack 1 hour class. End of school.
Perhaps the last hour could be tackling 4 things of the backlog?
Have her in your eye-line all the time like a teacher. Sometimes in next room, sometimes sat next to her.
Can she video chat her friends? Or text?
A reward chart for every 5/10 assignments completed. No emphasis on the backlog! Just on what she has done.
Maybe a 'school desk', with a favourite teddy sat on it?
Reassure her that The Teacher is not cross with her!

I’d ignore the backlog and complete the current stuff.
I’d message the teacher and say what you’re doing and that your DD is stressed about the backlog so your going to focus on keeping up to date with the new stuff.
Didn’t the school tell you that they were uploading the work in the first place? If they weren’t clear there was work being set online I’d tell them that too.

You contradict yourself; you didn’t realise they were there but keep getting reminders.
Do not do it and stop making excuses for your DD, millions of kids miss their pals and so on, she’s 10 and more than able to make a go of it.

For those saying she’s struggling, she’s not because she’s not been doing it!!
Stop molly coddling you’re kids!!

Stop molly coddling you’re kids!!

Your.

🤣🤣 How dare I not check 🤣🤣

Either she is being given far too much work or is struggling to plan.

Speak to her teacher and ask her/him to help you prioritise the work.

You shouldn't be doing any work for her, but help her plan it.

My DS is older and gets into a panic when he gets loads of e-mails from teachers on a Monday morning, with what he perceives to be 'loads' of work. Each Monday from 9-10 we sit down together and help him plan his week into a timetable and each morning we then discuss (for 5 minutes) what work he has for that day.

Planning helps him get through all his work with no issues.

There is no benefit to you doing it, tempting as that feels as it's her learning not yours.

If she's struggling with volume, prioritise. It might be more appropriate to get to the point and drop the build-up tasks if she is already confident about the content.

Even in the classroom, children are not automatons producing identical works. Some will produce more than others. At home, the atmosphere is distracting and their is no peer support.

Leave the backlog. Just do each day as it comes.

JKScot4 it’s not Molly coddling, is just dealing with the crap situation. The OP is worried about her daughter, for whatever reason they weren’t aware / didn’t do the work at first.
Some kids need stuff explaining to them, or to be shown or just plain don’t understand it. It’s extremely fucking hard to do this if you’re working from home too.
It takes an extremely self motivated child to just sit down with a lap top and read the online instructions and complete all their work. Not every child can do that.

I used to be a teacher and a tutor and what you need to do is 'scaffold' her learning. Give her lots of support without actually giving her the answer. So say you are going maths and there's a question about litres and millilitres .... ask her how many millilitres in a litre and remind her if she can't remember. She should then be able to do the sum.

If she's doing a piece of English work then write down notes/ bullet points for her from what you are discussing but then get her to write them in the essay.

Talk her through the work, get her started, help her with ideas, help her find the info she needs but let her do the work herself.

The only exception to this is if the work is too easy for her and just busy work (sums that she can do in her sleep). I don't see anything wrong in doing those for her to save time if the school are nagging.

Mollycoddling my arse.

It’s a rough time for everyone, some more than others and if you can’t hold your hands up and say “I’m struggling with stuff and I need help” when you’re a kid when can you?

@suzie
It is, she’s made a list of excuses for the wee soul, why should her child be excused or have mummy do her work?
They’ve not bothered checking for the last 5 weeks & now the list of excuses why her DD is too precious to do the work.

Either start from beginning, at same pace. Or only what is loaded new from Monday. Some subjects will build on earlier work, others won't matter. Tell teacher what you are doing.

The school are being total arseholes. Some schools are. The only way to change them is to leave. Which doesn't change them but removes you from them.

You must put your child first.

Start anew on Monday. Write the head a stern email. Cc the teacher.
Five activities a day is a bit much too.
Only do three?

They can't do anything about it.

They won't give a flying fuck if they mess up her MH with their fascism. They often do this.
You must put your child first.

I think I'd probably start fresh on Monday, obviously supporting her as much as she needs with the work.

Explain it all to her teacher. Her emotional well-being is your priority right now.

My children's school have been pretty good, I think- they seem to be 'suggesting' work rather than 'setting' it. They made it clear that each families circumstances are different so we all need to do what's best for us.

The school doesn't sound particularly inflexible to me - they have said the backlog should be done as and when it can be. Sounds reasonable.

At 10, by all means give support and guidance and help her manage her stress. And at the right time, talk through what went wrong and why, and how to avoid it in future....

But all out rescuing - either by dropping the backlog or - worse - by cheating your way out of it - is wrong and isn't going to help her manage challenges in the future...

If you have serious concerns about dd's wellbeing then by all means choose to ignore the backlog, but have the courage to say so to the school transparently and firmly. This will take the stress off dd about whether/ when the teacher will ask about it.