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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ABU to put a note on my very rural door telling randoms to eff off.

245 replies

KnickersandGnomes · 01/05/2020 20:59

Possibly outing but I'm a bit freaked out. Nearest neighbours are over a mile away, they really are - I live in the middle of nowhere. Couriers wont deliver because they swear they can't find the place blah blah etc etc.

I have some pretty horrid health issues, mostly Lyme Disease based and they leave me so tired and wrung out.

This afternoon I had some unexpected knocking at my door which I ignored followed up by a woman's voice in my garden and banging on my living room, bedroom and porch windows.

There was nothing put though my letter box and my garden gate was left wide open (mahoosive no no as I have five dogs) and it's left me both angry and scared.

I don't like or want to be angry and scared but I am both now so I'm hoping that the Mumsnet wisdom can help?

I have no recent partner that I have parted with on bad terms and because of my illness I live a very quiet life these days so I am utterly lost?

OP posts:
1Morewineplease · 02/05/2020 01:28

OP... you could have just asked what they wanted. No need to open doors.
You do sound like you thoroughly object to any outsider who dares to disrupt your total isolation.

Maybe someone was concerned about you, being so isolated.
Maybe they were a passer by in distress

There’s more to this post than meets the eye.

TwelveMonkeys · 02/05/2020 01:30

They didn't drop a mobile phone in your garden did they?

LilacTree1 · 02/05/2020 01:30

“ You do sound like you thoroughly object to any outsider who dares to disrupt your total isolation.”

Unfair, I think if the person had knocked and then gone away, OP wouldn’t have minded. But banging on the windows is not on.

I think it’s fair to say anyone being pursued by an axe murderer might at least scream for help.

JKScot4 · 02/05/2020 01:34

@TwelveMonkeys
The Phone Leaver strikes again!!!!!!!!

theThreeofWeevils · 02/05/2020 01:36

I would advise landmines in the lawn, but that is too risky with the dogs.

Shotgun? The admin for that would be a nightmare at the moment, I suppose.
A ring doorbell seems the least worst option.

But all these imaginary distressed passers-by being conjured up by PPs - pah. You are not obliged to open your door to anyone (except Plod, if it has troubled itself to get a warrant).

CJsGoldfish · 02/05/2020 01:40

Unfair, I think if the person had knocked and then gone away, OP wouldn’t have minded. But banging on the windows is not on

Sustained knocking and shouting out surely indicates that the woman was either needing help or worried about the OP?

If it was the former, I doubt she'll be back and I hope she's ok and if it was the latter, the OP has probably amped up the drama as someone will surely return and we'll have yet another post about it all.

A shout through the door would have been no big deal and was surely the sensible option.

LilacTree1 · 02/05/2020 02:08

“ Sustained knocking and shouting out surely indicates that the woman was either needing help or worried about the OP?”

We still don’t know who the crazy guy was who was doing this in mum’s road. If it was a welfare check they could put a note through the door.

I completely understand that OP didn’t want to engage.

Namechangex10000 · 02/05/2020 02:12

@ChilliCheese123 🤣 yes, I had no reason to be scared of my partner, he was tagged for a very short period of time, and honestly, the “punishment” was completely and utterly irrelevant to his “crime” and was actually completely pointless, as it made no difference to his life we simply accepted it. Being alone in a house with a baby and hearing an extraordinarily loud knock and then seeing someone hovering about, yeah, it did initially frighten me, the sound alone woke me up and frightened me half to death, I still confronted the situation though.

@lottiegarbanzo Thats a bit of a leap to that conclusion lol, I was not being checked up on by anybody lol, I checked all her info out and spoke to the security company the next day - it was legit. I was more baffled they would send a lone woman to the house of “a criminal” in the middle of the night really, the whole thing was quite odd.

UnRavellingFast · 02/05/2020 02:23

Council have list of people who may be vulnerable and go knocking to check on them. If they don’t answer they have to escalate. We experienced this recently with a neighbour in similar position. Might be simplest to answer the door. But putting a note up saying you’re ok but isolating is also a good idea.

Inkpaperstars · 02/05/2020 02:25

If you are really scared of people knocking on your door (and the evasive answers make it seem like you have good reason to be) then a ring doorbell or similar would probably make you feel better. At least you'd be able to find out what they wanted Nd no be left in a state worrying

Good idea, much better than a sign. Get a doorbell where you can see on a screen or on your phone who is there, and speak with them without answering the door.

Inkpaperstars · 02/05/2020 02:27

OP if you do out up a sign don't mention living alone or being vulnerable or anything obvs. Say we not I if you use any pronoun.

WyfOfBathe · 02/05/2020 02:32

I'm not going to be opening my door to random people. Why would I do that?

Because that's how knocking on doors works?

If you didn't want to do that, surely you could talk through an ajar window or the letter box? In the future, maybe invest in an intercom or ring doorbell.

TwelveMonkeys · 02/05/2020 03:02

Why is there so much hostility toward people who just want to be left alone?! There is no obligation to answer the door

I actually agree with your post, and if that's what someone chooses to do, fine. But don't do it and then expect strangers to know what the person wanted, for god's sake! How could anybody here possibly know any more than OP does? If you're gonna get so desperately curious, then you're better off answering the knock!

I used to ignore door-knockers all the time when I was younger, purely because I was anti-social and lazy. If I had wanted to know who was there, I would've gone and asked.

LilacTree1 · 02/05/2020 03:06

“ But don't do it and then expect strangers to know what the person wanted, for god's sake! How could anybody here possibly know any more than OP does?”

Things I’ve learned from MN have been useful though e.g. ex cons selling things, something about people selling fish door to door!

TwelveMonkeys · 02/05/2020 03:10

Things I’ve learned from MN have been useful though e.g. ex cons selling things, something about people selling fish door to door!

Well yeah, we could give OP a whole list of what they MIGHT have wanted. But we don't actually know, do we? The only way anyone could have known is if she had answered the door, but she chose not to, so now she might as well just forget it and move on.

LilacTree1 · 02/05/2020 03:15

It’s just handy to know of potential mad scams going round. I mostly tell my mum because where I live is too rough for people to do much doorstep selling!

OP I hope you’re okay. It’s my dream to live somewhere obscure but increasingly I think those places are vanishing. Welfare check seems most likely especially if you don’t do phones.

BoomBoomsCousin · 02/05/2020 03:17

OP, your paranoia has lead to you not finding out what they wanted and you've used that to feed your paranoia and make yourself more scared of things you aren't expecting. It's a hole you are digging for yourself based on a totally unrealistic initial threat assessment.

PotholeParadise · 02/05/2020 03:31

OP, if you're still around...

Take control of your life, and install a door chain. It means you can open the door a crack to ask who someone is and check ID, without letting them in.

It's the traditional method for sensible people, especially women, who live alone who don't want to put themselves at risk by opening the door to a malevolent stranger or to spend their lives wondering about the identity of the last person who knocked. If this is you, get one.

ABU to put a note on my very rural door telling randoms to eff off.
stringoflights · 02/05/2020 04:18

OP. Maybe it was just someone who knew you lived alone and was checking on you as they are concerned about you. Or possibly they needed help themselves?
In all honesty you can't play the 'worried' card if you refused to acknowledge they were outside in any way. You could have held a written note to the window for her to see to say you were fine, etc.
You've created this scenario by not answering the door or at least putting a note on your door. Your dramatic response is ridiculous....you chose to not respond and now you want to know why they were there.

derxa · 02/05/2020 04:48

All these people who are 'very rural' are doing my head in at the moment.

Thepigeonsarecoming · 02/05/2020 04:57

The Phone Leaver strikes again!!!!!!!!

Are you positive it wasn’t a fox knocking, or a skydiver?

LynetteScavo · 02/05/2020 05:38

I have no idea why people don't go to the door and say "Who is it?" Through the door.

So many posters on Mumsnet ignoring their front doors. It's just weird. What do you thing will happen if you let someone know you are in? You don't have to open the door!

Reginabambina · 02/05/2020 05:47

@PotholeParadise those are really easy to get through. My husband often puts ours on forgetting that I’m out. I just slip it out and let myself in. They’re really not secure.

Kingjarvis · 02/05/2020 05:55

Don’t live rural if you are so paranoid.

Lynda07 · 02/05/2020 06:06

LynetteScavo Sat 02-May-20 05:38:56
I have no idea why people don't go to the door and say "Who is it?" Through the door.
......
That's what I'd do, it could have been someone in dire emergency. Could you not look through a window, you say the person banged on a window. I can understand you being scared but if, for example, the person's car had broken down, their mobile wasn't charged and they wanted you to 'phone the AA or something you'd feel rotten if you found out afterwards. Even if they'd fallen over and needed a plaster!

I must say I wouldn't like to live miles from anywhere though, I like being private but within shouting distance of others.

Maybe when all this is over, it will be time to move a bit closer to civilisation. I'm so sorry about your health prolbems, Lyme disease is a very difficult one.