Teacher calling every week AIBU?

[TheGoldenNugget]

Just got an email from the school saying from next week they will call me every week to speak to me and my DS. I have a DS in year 2 and DD in nursery, the nursery called me last week to ask how we're doing (didn't even know they were calling) we spoke for a bit, they didn't ask to speak to DD and that was it.

Now I don't mind getting a phone call once to chat, but every week? Really? AIBU? Goodness knows how long this will continue, and they want to call every week!

@CJsGoldfish

This is a beauty, the lame must walk and the autistic must become neurotypical all in the name of CJ'sGoldfish deciding that disability can be conquered for Covid.

Her point.

'What usually works may now not. We all need to be flexible and accept things we would usually not.
Whilst your inflexibility may be beyond your control, there is no way you can be positive it isn't impacting your children. Of course, you don't want it to, but you don't know it doesn't.
So yes, I do believe, for the sake of the child/children, a once a week call is reasonable.
And if there is a chance that a situation is impacting negatively on a child the LAW needs looking at. We often have to put aside our own issues for our children. Don't we?'

No Goldfish Autism cannot be put aside for Covid or for children or for anything it is a DISABILITY that people live with for a LIFETIME. And ALL autistic parents are disabled and have a right to reasonable adjustments in order to function, as do all other disabled people including those with MH issues.

Autistic inflexibility and MH inflexibility only affects children if the society autistic and MH parents live in fails to allow them the space and adjustments they need to communicate with their disability taken into consideration. If that right is removed they cannot parent effectively or live effectively. That is NOT their fault.

Frankly Goldfish a LOT of disability is actually created by 'standard' society, by having an X.Y.Z method of living and all the people the none different millions who live within that matrix get along perfectly.

But the small percentage with different brains, different physical or mental needs, different neuro wiring have no niche, have no way of fitting that model and the model tends towards people like you who tell disabled people they ought to be able to 'bend' to shape shift' into a model that YOU fit nicely.

You have bent a 'little' to accommodate the lock down, now consider those who were already totally bent out of shape just doing normal, to their best level. They are now in lockdown disabled and every part of their hard working 'normal fake' is taking a massive beating due to fast and impossibly manageable change.

You think they 'ought' to just suck it up. They have been sucking up normal as abnormal for their brains their whole lives and living a very marginal life.

Now they have strangers calling and asking stuff and saying stuff, in moments they never imagined happening or dealing with. Do you have any idea how hard it is for high functioning autists and people with MH issues to deal with this level of madness given they are already trying to scrape by and manage?

But you say they ought to 'just get on with it.' Because YOU DO.

Without being really rude...You need a life awakening, maybe at the best you make friends with someone with chronic MH or autism. At the worst you remain being you with all your solipsis and prejudice.

Either way Goldfish you are one of those people who has absolutely no clue that the way you experience, view and perceive life , is just you. That's about the most closed down, madly insular way of approaching life I can imagine and I am actually a professional autistic female who goes out of my way to avoid human contact.

Even if you never meet people with a different perception or cognitive system to you how can you imagine that they don't exist?

Of all the people that have had a crack at me on this thread and balled me and dragged me down, yours is the saddest comment. Because you are so clearly incapable of projecting your mind into possibilities that don't support your own insular cognition as REAL.

TLDR: Many people do not live, feel, breath, experience. life the way you do.

Despite the occasional story of a horror averted, YANBU, OP.

Unfortunately, teachers are being pushed into the position HVs are in- where they are policing as well as providing a service. The more their approach is formed around the need to be able to identify and act on safeguarding issues, the worse their relationship with most parents and students will be. And the more poorly served the vast majority of children and their families will be by their schools.

Also, I see lots of messages along the lines of teachers cant win - either they don't call and some parents complain or they do call and some parents complain. But that's a poor framing of the options on a fundamental level. From a service perspective, teachers could win by being responsive to children and parents rather than trying to force a one size fits all on their students and families.

@noblegiraffe
A parent might shun phone calls from the school for various reasons, one of which is that they are hiding something that is a child protection issue.

There's your go to instant judgement. In black and white from you. YOU are subjectively making that your go to reason that parents who you do not know on any level beyond schooling, don't want phone calls.

I absolutely rest my case. You can't even begin to entertain why adults might not want to hear from you beyond 'hiding child abuse issues'.

You are the worst of people that any parent with Autism or MH might encounter when trying to explain why they do not want phonecalls because you are ALREADY looking for child protection reasons.

I'm an educator remember and to me, this makes you dangerous to the families that I would work with who would certainly not enjoy weekly phonecalls for multiple and reasonable reasons.

@boomboomscousin

YAS thank you for the sanity.

I would hate it if it was weekly but then others may not. I see is at part of safeguarding so I understand why they would make calls. We were told we would all be getting phones calls home two weeks ago but only a few people did - I know because we have a class WhatsApp and we discussed it. Then we received an email from our teacher asking how we were all getting on etc and that if my child wanted to a phonemail to let her know. Have had no contact from other child's (secondary) school.

@noblegiraffe A parent might shun phone calls from the school for various reasons, one of which is that they are hiding something that is a child protection issue

noblegiraffe said "might", mayawaya, so not a "go to instant judgement" as you assert.

I absolutely rest my case. You can't even begin to entertain why adults might not want to hear from you beyond 'hiding child abuse issues
Noble said "A parent might shun phone calls from the school for various reasons, one of which is that they are hiding something that is a child protection issue"
How are you reading that as Noble thinks hiding child abuse is the only reason a parent might not want a phone call?

My youngest (year 8) has had a few calls from some of his teachers. He was on the phone to his DT teacher for ages having a right old chat (mind you, so did I, she's brilliant). More than anything they were checking in to see if everyone was ok, which is actually a really nice thing to do.

He doesn't have a problem with it at all and nor do me and my wife. I think the teachers are never going to win in this situation. They will get criticised for either doing it or not doing it.

Stop bashing the schools, it's unprecedented times, this is new to them also.

I'm sick of reading people moaning about the schools ringing too much, too little, too long, too short!

It's one call a week, it's not bloody intrusive it's being done to offer help. Stop viewing it as some type of slur on your parenting and just work with the school?

As for the PP saying "tell them you've got anxiety", the OP never mentioned this but telling someone to do this is why people using this get eye rolls, and thought of as using anxiety as an excuse. Bloody ridiculous advice.

We can't in life say "we've got anxiety" to avoid a situation!

Jeez Louise - the things people manage to complain about in a pandemic!

It's for safeguarding. Don't take it personally. Most schools do it in our authority.

Both schools (primary and secondary) have phoned twice. I think it's fabulous.

@mayawaya

As a SEN practitioner and FE SEN department manager I would be very concerned about your views on safeguarding.

To be brutally honest I would say that difficult personal experiences have clouded your judgement making you a poor advocate for the children you work with.

If your first concern is for the well-being if the parent that flies in the face of ALL safeguarding guidelines. Nothing is to stand in the way of ensuring safety of the child. If the child has SEN and cannot advocate for themselves it is even more important that we flag ANY safeguarding concerns, regardless of the effect it may have on a parent.

Your viewpoint is morally,ethically and professionally wrong. You keep suggesting that others need retraining. If you are still teaching (your posts veer from 'previously' a SEN educator to 'currently') I would suggest perhaps a safeguarding refresher would be necessary.

@mayawaya read the post by @supermanisdead it sums up why you are so wrong.

It's not about the parent, it's quite rightly about the child.

Our school have done this from the start and it’s lovely. My ds 9 enjoys a chat with his teacher and it’s nice for me to be able to ask for help if needed. They have also set up an email address for each year so you can ask questions or send in work.

I do this. We’ve been doing it since day 1.

Tbf some of the calls are literally 20 seconds (I can always tell when everything is fine and parent is not a talker) and some I can be there chatting to parent/child for 15 minutes.

Honestly OP just go with it, and if you need to vent, we are here to listen!

One of my DC’s teachers called a couple of days ago but I didn’t answer because it was a private number and I don’t answer them (they’re usually spam but I had bad experiences in the past so I avoid private numbers like the plague). Anyway she left a voicemail but no return number so I couldn’t get back in touch. I’ve been uploading their work to their Dojo portfolios and sending them the odd message.

I don’t like phone calls tbh, I’d rather just message.

TLDR: Many people do not live, feel, breath, experience. life the way you do
Sorry @mayawaya I did have to skip to the end because your rant didn't really relate to my post. I agree with your last sentence ^^ though.

What you fail to comprehend is that the welfare of the child comes first. The end.

@MayhapMayhem I also want to add my concerns about what you've been saying. I not only have adopted DDs, who should rightly be checked on with me being unwell with COVID-19 symptoms (I've spoken about that on other threads). I'm also a childhood survivor of SA at the hands of my F and others, as is my DSis. We were also physically and emotionally abused, as was my DB.

Teachers did have concerns about us, as did other adults who knew us. Unfortunately, they didn't look closely enough at our home life and see what was actually going on behind closed doors. My DM knew nothing about the SA, and she was herself emotionally abused.

My point here really is that there are children being abused and when there are SEN involved, those children are particularly vulnerable. So for that reason, as I said, I would have been very concerned if the school hadn't been in touch.

Just imagine the vitriol there would be if a child died as a result of being abused and it came out that the school hadn't been in touch at all.

@mayawaya

I think you need safeguarding training.

No one is saying that by wanting and email instead of a phonecall you are a risk to your children. However wanting an email COULD be a red flag. So it's safer for the child to pass that information on.

It is in no way abusive to wrote down information like this about a family.

Think of safeguarding as a jigsaw of information. Different members of staff "see" different pieces of the jigsaw. If one family has lots of jigsaw pieces the safeguarding lead knows, because they have been passed all the information.

Eg. PE teacher phones home and mum asks for an email. Safeguarding lead hears nothing else about the family so no problem.

Vs

PE teacher phones home and mum asks for an email. French teacher heard X say earlier in the year dad shouts a lot at home. History teacher had heard X say that mum is scared of dad. Maths teacher spoke to dad earlier in the year and he was aggressive on the phone. Safeguarding lead links ALL this information and thinks mum might be in danger. So tries to communicate more with the family and wants to speak to mum weekly so dad can't cover for the emails.

The problem with text messages, though, is that the teacher can never be certain that they are from the parent. If they want to speak to the child, that can't be done by text.

Why the obsession with texting? I didn't have a mobile until I was in my 30s, before that mobiles were the preserve of wealthy business people and 'yuppies'. We all telephoned each other via landlines.

All this handwringing from school staff about safeguarding is ridiculous when you consider the hundreds of children who have been unable to attend school due to their SEN for very long periods and have been unceremoniously dumped by their schools as soon as it became apparent that moaning about their attendance figures wasn't going to get the child back in.

These schools don't then decide that the child is more vulnerable an d needs a friendly check from their teacher once a week. My DDs have both had periods of almost a year out of school with not one phone call ever to check on their well-being. Other parents have school staff turning up occasionally, demanding to see their anxious children but always with the clear intention of bullying said child back into school, not to have a friendly conversation in a way that meets their needs to make sure they're OK.

If checking on children once a week is so essential to safeguarding, can we deduce that those with SEND who are unable to attend for months due to inadequate school provision simply don't deserve to be safeguarded?

My DD2 has been unable to attend school since last June. During that time, I've had a few emails from the school asking me to let them know when she will turn up and one from the LA telling me that the school can meet her needs and I should present her for education. If someone started calling now to check on her well-being, they would be told exactly where to stick their faux concern.

I agree with Poppin. No one normally cares re the SN children. This sudden safeguarding concern is questionable!

Poppin with respect that's a totally separate issue.

School may have had enough knowledge of you and your family to not deem your child being at home a safeguarding risk. Who knows.

@Oblomov20 why is it questionable? Surely it is logical given the current situation? Sone families have no income coming in, reliant on food banks. Under extreme pressure and because the schools are deemed to have let SEN children down previously, why does that make it acceptable to not try their best now?

Two wrongs don't make a right!