Teacher calling every week AIBU?

[TheGoldenNugget]

Just got an email from the school saying from next week they will call me every week to speak to me and my DS. I have a DS in year 2 and DD in nursery, the nursery called me last week to ask how we're doing (didn't even know they were calling) we spoke for a bit, they didn't ask to speak to DD and that was it.

Now I don't mind getting a phone call once to chat, but every week? Really? AIBU? Goodness knows how long this will continue, and they want to call every week!

@iwannatellyouastory

To some parents yes that once a week phone call will be a massive stress point and unwelcome and intrusive.

To others it will be welcome and good and all OK and nice to feel people care.

That does not automatically mean the children are at risk. What it means is that the parents are super uncomfortable with this type of communication and an alternative might be better.

I'm not running down the fact that this once a week phone call is good for the majority what I am saying is that it could be and clearly is re OP a flashpoint of total anxiety for others who are not used to it, do not want it and are not good with it.

If those people are of a protected characteristic then they have A RIGHT IN LAW to a form of communication that works better and that IN LAW is not allowed to be to their detriment as parents. So if they do not want a phonecall they ought to be able to request an email and not have that mean a safeguarding flag goes up.

Not everyone does 'phonechat' some don't do it EVER and some are only comfy on the phone with direct family and they are still amazing parents. This is true.

My DSs teacher calls every week, and every week DS refuses to come to the phone. I get that some kids like it, but I'm starting to dread the call. I wish they'd stop, he's perfectly fine, just doesn't want to chat to his teacher on the phone.

@theschoolonthehill

I care enormously about all my students; it’s not just a case of one year to the next. I would never be confident to say I am any kind of major influence in their life; it’s all about building positive relationships and helping them to learn and grow as individuals, plus I enjoy teaching them, talking to them and listening to their opinions.
We are conducting live lessons via teams following a normal timetable, so I am live and teaching for the entire lesson. It’s been great to see how some students have really embraced online learning; they really seem to enjoy chatting to me and each other.

We have had weekly phone calls from each of the primary dc's teachers since it started. I think it's nice.

@borgl

'It's fine for you to disagree but it won't change anything.'

There speaks the voice of absolute power that autistic parents and MH parents have to deal with daily. Thank you I could not have framed my rebuttal to create anything as powerful as this response.

Hence I encourage parents with Autism or MH to lean into their LEGAL rights as a protected characteristic to protect themselves from you and this level of self determined power.

@Iwannatellyouastory

Totally agree with you.

And sadly lots of people are having to do lots of things which are way outside of their comfort zones.

And for parents with anxiety, MH conditions and non neurotypical presentations there will be so many more triggering things happening.

But like you say, we are often the only contact ensuring the ongoing safeguarding of children. And if our contact helps just one of them then it is worth it.

So far my contact has safeguarded 3 of my 11 tutees. One of which had been sleeping rough.

Our school rings daily!

To be fair @mayawaya I think you may be how safeguarding would work in the situation @borgl has suggested. It wouldn’t be social services contacted - it would likely be the teacher saying to the school safeguarding lead (likely a senior member of staffed trained in more complex issues) ‘x mum has said they don’t want phone calls because it makes them anxious, so can you advice/take over this welfare for me?’ The safeguarding lead would likely then say ‘ahh yes. They have autism/adhd/anxiety as per our file, and prefer email contact, so stick to that’

The school safeguarding team are not there to penalise parents with mental health issues, but to support them, and their children. There would be no ‘red flag’ raised, but a parent disclosing a previously unknown mental health issue to a class teacher would need to be referred to safe guarding so they could support the child and parent - be it as you say, backing off with verbal communication etc. Which is why I said to the OP if you don’t want them because you just don’t like them - just be honest.

@mayawaya

May I suggest that you're reading a little bit too much into this?

My meaning was that shouting at a stranger on the internet isn't going to change her establishment's safeguarding policy.

Maybe be misunderstanding* God I can’t type tonight!

@mayawaya did the OP say she was anxious or autistic? Honestly I think @borgl has been very polite whereas you seem to want to have a go at her at every opportunity.

Aren't you lucky your school cares enough about your DC to want to connect with them regularly? I do not see the problem at all

My child’s teacher is calling each week and I find it helps keep my daughter motivated with keeping up with logging in and doing some work. She is my youngest so I know her teachers quite well by now too so
I like hearing from them.

@mayawaya I understand what you are saying. I get a weekly call I don't particularly like it.
I am also a parent with MH issues and SEN DC.
would be doing back flips over you putting them first to the detriment of their anxious, autistic or adhd parents who do amazing parenting but cannot cope with sudden and intrusive changes to communication from external bodies who have the power to trigger safe guarding issues with SS when 'thwarted' in their sense of 'what OUGHT
I see your point but I don't think it is fair on a DC in this situation and unfortunately these thing's do become safeguarding if a parent's issues are affecting how a DC interacts and is socially conditioned for life. Again my DM had MH issues I loved her she adored us but it wasn't easy.

Unfortunately @mayawaya we are all having to do things we find difficult because of COVID19 the schools being closed for most pupils is one of these things.
Everyone staying at home (which most people don’t want to have to do) to protect the most vulnerable is pretty much mirrored by the every parent is getting a phone call to protect the most vulnerable families.
A lot of parents will not want the calls because their families are in difficulties and they are trying to conceal that, you are asking teachers to make judgements they are not qualified to make, about what is a “real” reason to refuse calls - anxiety and what is not “concealment”.
Keeping it deliberately vague but a child in our service, recently had to be removed from it’s home (which is very rare thankfully) because mum’s mental health had deteriorated during COVID19 period, to the point where she wasn’t able to care for the child. It was reported to us by another agency but it later transpired that the school was about to raise a concern with us because they had not been able to reach the family as well as other reasons they had been made aware of.
Should they have just brushed it off as mum finding it difficult when the teacher called them at home?

@borgl

'She/shouting at a stranger on the internet'

This isn't the way that compassionate reach out generally frames people who are struggling.

I am just not picking up 'sensitivity' or 'awareness' from what you have said whilst I appreciate your position professionally is very based in definitive feeling.

I am calling all students in my year group year 10 just to check in see how everyone is doing. To See if the students need help with any specific work or help with any of the apps we are using. I ask to speak to the kids too if they want to. I also check in case families are shielding and need anything bringing to them or if they are struggling.
I appreciate it’s not ideal and getting a call maybe an inconvenience but I have been making calls since we closed and I have helped lots of families with all kinds of things. Not necessarily families that We would be considered vulnerable. If we don’t make contact for 2 weeks we send a text asking that parents make contact with us if still nothing we do doorstep visits to ensure everyone is safe and well. There are lots of things in my job that are box ticking this isn’t one of them.

@iwannatellyouastory

Nope not at all just suggesting that many parents would be more comfy answering an email than doing a direct phone call and that it ought to be a simple option.

Not speaking for every agency here but I would like to THANK any teachers on this thread for calling families, even if you don’t get any thanks from the families.
Please keep reporting any concerns you have, they will be listened to, even if we are limited in what we can do at the moment, you need to be there for those children.

@mayawaya

I'm sorry I don't understand your last post?

@theseriousmoonlight

I think anyone advocating a safeguarding issue when parents are not comfy with doing phonecalls with institutions they have never had to do this with before deserves a challenge from the perspective I have as
A) An Autist myself
B) An Autistic parent with a 21 year old autistic son at Uni reading engineering.
C) An Autistic educator of Autistic young adults and an advocate for their parents.

I am doing nothing if not living my own reality and supporting other parents who are autistic and have autistic kids or who are dealing with MH. Hence my 'push in' on this thread, because I am a 48 year old Mom and post grad who still needs an NHS advocate in order to access healthcare myself.

Very few will understand what I am standing for and why it matters to those few. But I continue. And I will not apologise.

All the parents in my kid's school received an email two weeks ago from the head (the usual generic type one that is sent at the beginning and the end of the year) hoping everyone was well and we're all playing our part type of thing. In it they mentioned that they haven't heard from over 50% of the students since lockdown commenced. (IMO this figure was probably far closed to 80%). Considering an entire month had passed, they didn't seem overly concerned tbh.

@iwannatellyouastory

'Please every teacher dealing with people who are not 'complying' with the systems way of safeguarding children our way and via our understanding of normality, continue flagging these families and we will investigate their failure to comply as it clearly shows problems that need our 'special' level of care to deal with, despite the fact that they were not on our radar and doing fine before Covid happened.'

Way to stigmatise via none compliance with beurocratic state over reach rather than actual real issue. Standard level state discrimination. And you wonder why autistic and MH issue families hate state education in it's normal mode.

It's failure in support is demanding that the wrong levels of support are entertained and then going postal on safeguarding.

So much ego involved in this from people who are not MH or Autistic making the rules and insisting on the plans being 'right' and 'fair' and 'obvious'

My year 5 dd has to check in for daily google meets with her teacher at a set time in the afternoon to discuss the days work and my 4 year old is expected to participate in daily story time and upload pictures of what she’s done from the work they set. I like that they’re still involved with the children and keeping on top of it all.

Once a week is really not an intrusion in my opinion.

@mayawaya and

You're over estimating what "raising a safeguarding issue" means in this context.

As a PP said, if you said phonecalls were too much, I would mention it to the safeguarding lead. Then I'd offer you a weekly email. Then that would be it. Unless you didn't email one week, in which case I would phone again to check you are all OK.