Teacher calling every week AIBU?

[TheGoldenNugget]

Just got an email from the school saying from next week they will call me every week to speak to me and my DS. I have a DS in year 2 and DD in nursery, the nursery called me last week to ask how we're doing (didn't even know they were calling) we spoke for a bit, they didn't ask to speak to DD and that was it.

Now I don't mind getting a phone call once to chat, but every week? Really? AIBU? Goodness knows how long this will continue, and they want to call every week!

Teacher recently rang a parent for a catch up, parent had been ill with COVID, she had no credit on the electricity, very little food, lost her job so no money and no credit to get benefits or ring anyone for help.

School sprung in to action with one staff member topping up the phone, one rang the emergency electric company and paid for some credit, another spoke to the food bank and a TA went and did a quick shop for milk bread, juice and cereal etc the benefits office was called to arrange for forms to be sent.

All paid for out of the staffs own pocket. Using their own time and vehicles to pick up and delivery goods.

Another teachers phone bill has increased by over £100 speaking to parents, which they won’t claim back.

If one call helps one person I don’t think you can complain.

@hercwasonaroll

So someone who was not comfy with weekly phonecalls gets put on the safeguarding leads radar. Because not being OK with weekly phone calls from total strangers to you means you are a safeguarding risk does it?

That you are so OK with this and believe it is OK is fascinating to me.

Then if a family who is nothing to do with you other than your job as a teacher did not get back to you would be another red flag in the midst of a global crisis?

THERE IS YOUR SOCIALLY APPROVED INSANITY.

People do NOT have to interact with total strangers to prove their mental health is fine and their children are fine mid global crisis.

They owe you NOTHING. You are the mad person here. Even imagining that is some sort of given. It isn't. Nor should it be.

@mayawaya I’m going to step away from this thread now as you are making it all about you and you don’t sound very rational at all in your last post. It’s not even your thread by the way. “ I actually have a child who has MH issues, not autism, so I am not unfamiliar with the strains that brings. According to you “I have an ego” because I work in Children and family services and am thankful that teachers care enough to call families and they are “going postal” by fulfilling their safeguarding role
“Going postal” refers to mass shootings usually by people who have MH problems in that really the analogy you wish to draw?
If I could have told you the full details about the conditions that child was living in (my vague example in a previous post) because of their mum’s MH problems you would sit down and cry. While I said a child in our service the child wasn’t currently open to SW so was not on our radar at this time.
That child might still be in that situation without the help of the school. I could unfortunately give you other examples (which of course confidentiality prevents me from doing so) of where the MH of a parent or child at this time has brought families to the attention of SW even if they weren’t known to us before.
Maybe if you came and answered our phone calls for a day you might not be so adamant that the rights of an autistic parent over rides the safeguarding role of teachers.

@greentulips

That is great, but it isn't the same for EVERYONE is it? There is no situation that necessarily works for everyone and people have a right to take or leave what does or does not work for them without it meaning they are being discriminated against, targeted and put on lists for SS or safeguarding. That is massive over reach and it is the UGLY face of so called care.

But to be fair I dont think teaching is something you can do well if you actually dont give a shit about the kids

Of course they can still be a good teacher. They can explain things well enough for the majority of the class to understand, they can be patient, they can get through the curriculum. They can go to the staff room and complain for thirty minutes about certain kids in their classroom or parents of certain kids and they can do all that and still do a perfectly fine job teaching. They can work hard during the day, and often in the evening time preparing classes, whilst absolutely living for the summer holidays to see the back of their current class. For some of them, it is just a job. I know quite a few of them (not my children's teachers) and the main draw of the job was the benefits. Hard earned benefits imo. That doesn't make them 'bad' teachers. They don't have to truly care about our kids in order to be a good teacher. Teaching isn't a vocation for all of them.

@mayawaya but surely your child’s teacher isn’t a total stranger? It’s someone who plays a big role in your child’s day to day life.

For me I would want to know why a parent refused to have a conversation. Surley they have to interact at some point, parent evening etc. What is there is a problem. I would be concerned if a parent couldn’t communicate with a teacher, and yes it would ring alarm, bells with me.

What about doctors? Could this parent speak to a doctor if there was a problem, they are a stranger.

@iwannatellyouastory

Fair enough but if you are going to step away from me for making my thread personal whilst doing the exact same I'm not going to shed tears over it. We all have a dog in the ring when it comes to giving a shit, mine happens to be supporting the feelings of OP and her right not to be harassed by phonecalls when an email could suffice.
Go well and God bless.

Jesus some people are very dramatic. It’s a phone call once a week. Why turn it into anything more dramatic than that? Send an email to the teacher if you’re not comfortable with it. We’ve all become so entrenched in digital communication nowadays that we think a phone call is intrusive, or we think someone should text before calling. Remember the days when you would just call by someone’s house on the off chance and it wasn’t considered extraordinary? Personally I welcome the weekly phone calls - my DD adores her teacher. God knows it’s hard enough to motivate her to do her work so I appreciate any interaction to get her to work.

Most parents would accept a phone call but there’s a small number who would find it intrusive and upsetting for personal reasons including disabilities/neurodiversity. Teachers need to respect that if a parent says they don’t want telephone contact, then unless there are other concerns for welfare, find another way.
I’m in a role with vulnerable individuals and I always ask how they prefer to be contacted after the initial phone call.
I appreciate most teachers on here have said they would change methods of communication but no need to make sarcastic comments like “schools can’t win” and other things. It’s not a persons fault if a phone call makes them uncomfortable.

@Itwasntme1

I worked as a post 16 SEN educator until last year so I have that going for me as well as my experiences as an Autistic parent of and autistic little engineer.

Everything I have said is based in knowing what I had to do as an educator to tick boxes and my love and fierce support for the parents and kids who don't 'fit the box'

I came on here to say that parents who don't want to do a weekly or daily chat with teachers because it stresses them and gives them massive anxiety have the right to say no and frame that in a way that stops the 'absolutist' nutters from having grounds to insist or threaten. They have a right to a form of communication that feels less intrusive and gives them time to think.

I expected to get a jolly kicking as a dissenter from the norm as I did in my job advocating for families with autism and get a worse one once I disclosed, which I did again. Always notice the minute I disclose my autism I get the 'personal' to you straw man levelled at me. Despite the fact I am an OFSTED Outstanding SEN post 16 educator.

Regardless here I am and OP has the right to NOT WANT PHONECALLS and ask for e mails if that makes her MH better. Without meaning her kids are in danger or she is a bad parent.

And if anyone fucks with her, she has the right to lean into MH issues or Autism issues and DEMAND legal rights to a communication method that works for her and her family.

End of and love to all those who advocate with love.

maya you seem to think that being flagged to safeguarding is a big deal and a huge threshold. It’s not. Teachers have to do it all the time whenever they have the slightest concern about a child.

Every year when my school does safeguarding training we have to watch a video about the children who have died because individuals like teachers didn’t flag up the slight concerns that they had had, and that if everyone who had noticed something odd had reported them, then the pieces could be put together and action taken.

If a parent is refusing to take calls from the school which are there to check up on the child, then that needs referring upwards. It doesn’t matter what your reasons are, it needs flagging. You might not like it, but that’s our duty to the children. It doesn’t mean social services involvement, it just means the teacher has flagged it upwards for someone else to take a look at.

We’ve had threads on here going ‘what about the vulnerable kids who aren’t going to school and no one is looking out for?’ And now we’ve got a thread going ‘why is my kid’s teacher phoning me regularly?’.

So someone who was not comfy with weekly phonecalls gets put on the safeguarding leads radar. Because not being OK with weekly phone calls from total strangers to you means you are a safeguarding risk does it?

It doesn't make you sa safeguarding risk. It mainly covers my arse when I'm asked why I'm not phoning you. If I've mentioned that's what I'm doing then there's no surprises.

That you are so OK with this and believe it is OK is fascinating to me.

Yes I am fine with treating families differently based on their needs.

Then if a family who is nothing to do with you other than your job as a teacher did not get back to you would be another red flag in the midst of a global crisis?

You are not nothing to do with me. I have a legal responsibility for your child's wellbeing, mid pandemic or not.

THERE IS YOUR SOCIALLY APPROVED INSANITY.

Caring about children is not insane.

People do NOT have to interact with total strangers to prove their mental health is fine and their children are fine mid global crisis.

I am not a stranger. I'm your child's teacher. I have met your child before and hopefully spoken to you before. More likely at primary school granted.

They owe you NOTHING. You are the mad person here. Even imagining that is some sort of given. It isn't. Nor should it be.

I'm not imagining anything.

However I will add if went off on a rant like this on the phone I would pass if on as a safeguarding concern as I'm not sure your behaviour is entirely rational right now.

Regardless here I am and OP has the right to NOT WANT PHONECALLS and ask for e mails if that makes her MH better. Without meaning her kids are in danger or she is a bad parent.

I don't think anyone has disagreed with you here

Regardless here I am and OP has the right to NOT WANT PHONECALLS and ask for e mails if that makes her MH better. Without meaning her kids are in danger or she is a bad parent.

I came on here to say that parents who don't want to do a weekly or daily chat with teachers because it stresses them and gives them massive anxiety have the right to say no and frame that in a way that stops the 'absolutist' nutters from having grounds to insist or threaten. They have a right to a form of communication that feels less intrusive and gives them time to think.

Which is fine. OP just needs to ask for that and the teacher will make it happen. With a quick word to the school safeguarding lead just in case that information is part of a bigger picture. (and to cover the teachers arse if they get "caught" not making a call).

@divebar
That is not the case with some people. You are assuming everyone is neuro typical and adjustment is as easy for them as it is you. It isn't. People are not posting that a weekly or daily phonecall from none family is causing them massive anxiety because they fancy a silly moan over nothing. For these people this is a massive intrusion in lives that they have built like a house of cards with spit and caution and often on the margins of 'so called' social success.

If receiving phone calls is that stressful then you need to communicate with the school to advise them. It doesn’t mean your children can’t phone the teacher at a pre arranged time for their chat... it’s not a stranger. Ignoring the calls and providing no explanation IS going to cause alarm for the school obviously since they are not blessed with mind reading powers. Eventually someone will flag it up which would inevitably lead to someone knocking on the door to conduct a welfare check. It would be the same if you were calling anyone regardless of vulnerability. Having a disability or vulnerability doesn’t provide a “ get out clause” for normal safeguarding procedures. (The child’s welfare is paramount.). I’m sure the school will only be too happy to make alternative arrangement for the phone calls if they’re aware of what the issues are.

@hercwasonaroll

NO Not with a 'quick call to the safeguarding team' Because not wanting a weekly phonecall is NOT a safeguarding issues it is a 'SOCIAL OPINION ISSUE'

You are wrong. It is like saying that someone in a wheelchair who can't walk beyond the school gates to collect their child because stairs, is a safeguarding issue.

The point is that some people CANNOT DO THOSE PHONECALLS due to MH issues or other recognised disability but they COULD do OTHER methods of communication.

@mayawaya you are clearly incredibly angry about this. It is okay for people to express opinions and engage in a reasonable discussion.

Clearly this is a hugely emotive subject for you and you seem to have reached the point where you can’t discuss it in a balanced and calm way.

I will bow out of this thread now as it really isn’t worth it.

I wish everyone every success with homeschooling.

It's fine that they can't do a phonecall. But for my own benefit I would pass the information on to the safeguarding lead. Mainly because if they found out I wasn't calling they'd want to know why. I'll preempt that conversation by saying its because xxx is autistic and prefers to email. Job done.

The safeguarding lead will probably already know you're autistic. If not that's information worth them knowing for future interactions. Eg you might prefer email to discuss your child's behaviour. If the safeguarding lead knows (or head of year etc) they can tell all your child's teachers to email rather than phone.

Safeguarding doesn't means SS referral or anything like that.

So someone who was not comfy with weekly phonecalls gets put on the safeguarding leads radar. Because not being OK with weekly phone calls from total strangers to you means you are a safeguarding risk does it? Not necessarily though if there has been any concerns re attendance, hygiene, lateness it would be a red flag.
I completely sympathise with your circumstances though for many parents with MH issues there can be negative effects on the DC. As long as you know your not hiding anything it shouldn't be a worry to suggest they email instead.
My DC have Google documents with a weekly call.

@Hercwasonaroll

'It doesn't make you sa safeguarding risk. It mainly covers my arse when I'm asked why I'm not phoning you. If I've mentioned that's what I'm doing then there's no surprises'

And this is the right way to treat families who are not neuro typical or have MH issues because...It mainly covers my arse.

Herc, this is the point I'm trying to make. None of this is about protecting vulnerable children, it is about back covering in a system that fails families who need more options and compassion than most because they are already beating the odds and doing there best.

@EmeraldShamrock

Absolutely agree any signs of neglect or failure to support by parents ought to have been noticed already within this scenario by a school.

My point is that if NONE OF THAT has EVER been an issue educators ought not be flagging safeguarding for parents who have issue with new and insistent communications by phone and they ought to have an option to say no thank you or respond by e mail.

Without that meaning a massive issue.

It is about protecting them though. Because the safeguarding lead might have other information that I don't know. I say "oh xx only wants to email due to MH" and the safeguarding lead might know the family and know that not calling is a red flag for mum heading towards crisis point.

You are looking at this situation from your pov where your child is safe, you just don't want the phonecall. Which is fine. However not wanting a phonecall could be part of a much bigger picture.

My point is that if NONE OF THAT has EVER been an issue educators ought not be flagging safeguarding for parents who have issue with new and insistent communications by phone and they ought to have an option to say no thank you or respond by e mail.

Without that meaning a massive issue.

THEY HAVE GOT THE OPTION. JUST SAY PLEASE EMAIL IN FUTURE. IT ISN'T A MASSIVE ISSUE THE TEACHER MENTIONING THIS TO SAFEGUARDING LEAD OR HEAD OF YEAR. IT JUST ISN'T.

maya families who are not neurotypical or who have mental health issues may well need more support in this horrible situation.

Flagging to safeguarding doesn’t mean intervention. It could just mean making a note of something. It could mean signposting to support, OR, as you are wanting, offering something different.

Being autistic doesn’t automatically mean you can’t have phonecalls. There are autistic teachers out there making these phone calls. It’s not up to a class teacher to make a judgement call about this. You call it back-covering, but we call it safeguarding.

None of this is about protecting vulnerable children, it is about back covering in a system that fails families who need more options and compassion than most because they are already beating the odds and doing there best
I'm sorry this is emotive but I don't agree, the childs welfare should come first, the families who don't like intrusion don't ask for help, teacher's are responsible for a DC welfare during school term, it is a fine line between compassion and error.