Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

Its not the best time for anyone to be on maternity leave right now. So I get why they might be feeling upset that there plans have been ruined.

I didn't need 3 months of extra government funding to get mine settled into childcare.

@TinRoofRusty so I take that as a no?

What about if your child had separation anxiety?

Whilst I think 3 months is excessive I feel a month would be generous and I defo think an unpaid option should be available with no affects on employment.

Think you need to understand how you would've felt if it was baby number 1 and you were facing starting a full time job and hadn't been given the opportunity to complete settling in days/look at different options etc.

Its not the best time for anyone to be on maternity leave right now.

It’s not the best time for anyone to be doing anything right now. That’s the point.

Acknowledgement that people are having a tough time, absolutely fine. Tax payer money when the economy is going into free fall is not appropriate.

@DrinkVeneer it is a really horrible and rubbish situation but the justification for the petition is complete codswallop and I don’t think even the reasons you’ve cited justify an extra 3 months paid leave across the board. It’s awful that some people have PND/DV etc, but while that might be exacerbated by corona it’s not caused by it. And plenty of other people, while sad not to be able to have visitors, are having a lovely time at home playing with their babies as they always intended. The public purse is so stretched at the moment. We are not going to recover from this for years. There are children who are literally starving because the food bank donations have gone down and they’re not getting their free school meals. Personally I’d rather any spare money went to those genuinely in need, rather than just all women who have had babies recently.

surely it's possible to see that the period of upheaval all new parents deal with is massively exacerbated by not having any physical contact with anyone outside your family unit in terms of practical support

Absolutely - it must be awful. I don't see how extra time at the end fixes that though. It would be lovely to have, but the government is going to have a fucking massive bill at the end of this, and there will people at risk of losing their homes and not being able to feed their families. Baby groups are not the priority here.

Lockdown aside, lobby for better mental health provision, better maternity pay, longer paternity leave and better paternity pay so mothers have someone at home for longer and fathers can spend more time with their newborns, lobby for better postnatal support, and for employers to be better at flexible or part time working so that more mothers who want to can go back to work in a way that suits them. These would go a long way to fixing all sorts of issues new parents have. An extra few months of maternity leave will not "fix" problems caused by not having around to help you in the immediate postnatal period.

(Also, I wonder if the person who set this petition up has ever lobbied for free baby sensory classes for all, since they are so unbelievably essential that the country must pay mums for three extra months just so they can attend.)

Think I don't need you to preach to me about what I need to understand, twinkle. I had my first abroad. I went back to work when she was 3 months old. Needs must. I didn't whinge about it or expect the world to understand or fund my decision to reproduce, much less expect 15 months of government monies because I decided to have children .

You are all being unreasonable for not bothering to research the actual detail of the parliamentary discussion and setting up threads berating fellow mums for a one liner about baby groups.

With my second I could only afford 6 months off. Again, didn't expect the world to fund me for this. DH ended up having to take unpaid time off as our childminder fell through and we had to quickly find another.

@twinkleprincess can you speak to your employer about some unpaid time? It seems more appropriate that individual employers should be expected to be flexible about unpaid leave if someone requests it than to ask the government to make a change to an entire regime for a massive group of people, some of whom might not need it.

I’m not trying to be annoying because I’ve genuinely been there - I went back to work full time (60hr weeks) when my son was 11 months and he had not been away from me for more than 30mins in the whole of his life before that. He wouldn’t even go to his dad. He adjusted really quickly and was fine. We had a 2 week settling period and it worked well. They don’t have a sense of time or a linear memory at that age so they don’t appreciate a gradual build up in the way you might be expecting.

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I thought maybe I was being overly harsh.

@TinRoofRusty but you didn't just drop them off in childcare without a settling in session/sessions did you?

For me it has nothing to do with sensory, not being able to go out etc it's purely the fact that my little one has not been able to do any sessions and I haven't been able to visit any childminders etc.

I'm expected to be back full time following the lifting of lockdown. I've been told I can't take additional leave and I can't take holiday as they want everyone back.

I feel that this is an issue, surely as a mother the thought of dropping your child off to somewhere you haven't viewed and your child hasn't experienced would worry you?

Some people are just so stupid 🤦🏻‍♀️ I mean - they give mothers a bad name.

Yanbu. They are shameless, country going bankrupt and they want 3 months paid leave extra.

@HarrietM87 I'm not allowed to I'm afraid. They've basically said they want people back and no holiday, leave etc will be approved.

They told me that realistically if I want to do it I need to look for another job.

I feel that maybe the government should step in and say that employers should allowed mums currently on mat leave to apply for an extra month without any affects to their employment (paid or not at this point I don't care!).

This is weird because when the lockdown first happened I remember saying to my OH that it would be quite nice to be on maternity at this time if you both were at home as both of you would be able to have more bonding time with the baby!

@biglouis123

I agree re council tax. A single person pays 75% of what the family of 2 adults and 2 DC next door pay.

Single people and the childless already heavily subsidise many of those that choose to have children.

Possibly not the best website for voicing this opinion but my sister is single and child free. It does seem unfair.

Stealth, the petition literally says that maternity leave should be extended due to baby groups being cancelled. That's not a 'one liner'. That's the petition text itself.

petition.parliament.uk/petitions/306691

In light of the recent outbreak and lock down, those on maternity leave should be given 3 extra months paid leave, at least. This time is for bonding and social engaging with other parents and babies through baby groups which are vital for development and now everything has been cancelled.

^These groups are vital for baby development, bonding and educating both babies and parents. Given that the government have closed down many areas of the community new parents and babies are confined to their homes with no social interaction which will ultimately impact on the development of children.
We are calling on Boris Johnson and the government to extend paid maternity leave by an additional 3 months, at least to allow for this development and bonding to take place.^

@TinRoofRusty but you didn't just drop them off in childcare without a settling in session/sessions did you?

With my first, yes, I didn't have a choice. I had to go back to work and my childminder didn't offer 'settling in sessions' (they aren't a thing in the country where we were) .

I don't support more money for this endeavour. That bothers you. That's not my concern. I find this petition entitled and won't be supporting it.

This pandemic is effecting people in a lot of ways, there's no endless pot of money to make everything allright.

@StealthMama it wasn’t a ‘one liner’, it was literally the main point throughout the whole of the petition - sounds like you’re the one who hasn’t read or researched it

We just had an afternoon settling in, it was fine, and we hadn't done any baby groups or anything else social. I was extremely anxious given the fact that he was poorly when born and through a lot of my mat leave, but we also had to pay the bills. A month for settling in seems excessive, especially 3. Children are more resilient then we often give them credit for, my friend works in a nursery and is quite embarrassed sometimes when parents ask how their little ones were without them, and they were fine.

There are so many entitled people out there. l'm an essential worker and a load of the admins have said they don't want to go into the hospital and should be 'furloughed'. No - go on unpaid leave if you're that worried about it what about the nurses, doctors, porters, cleaners, catering on Covid wards - it's sickening.

@twinkleprincess can your partner take leave? Or a family member? Also I think parents are entitled to a certain amount of unpaid leave per child by law - maybe look into that.

I do feel for you - it sounds like your employer is being really harsh. It’s sad thinking of your little one alone and without you, but it won’t be like that - they are so adaptable and will surprise you.

@HarrietM87 we're looking into partner. He is lucky enough to be able to work from home so we're hoping we can do it around that.

My company were recently taken over which is why I think they're being so harsh about it - to be honest I'm wondering if I go back to them with their attitude at the moment 😂 it is a job that everyone else is doing from home so it's not essential to be in the office but they have a face to face policy.

Realistically I know it won't take a month but he gets so upset he makes himself sick which is why I worry. I also haven't had an opportunity to look round any premises yet as the period we started looking they restricted visitors due to Covid.

As I said I wouldn't care if it was unpaid or not but feel company's should be asked to be flexible as I imagine I'm not the only one in this position

I'm an essential worker and a load of the admins have said they don't want to go into the hospital and should be 'furloughed'. No - go on unpaid leave if you're that worried about it

Most of their work could be done from home, so really that's what should have been arranged. I'm still in work but I cannot see why most our admin are required to attend site and I don't want them to be in just because I have to be!