Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

I suspect some may have signed it as they need time to arrange childcare when this is over and will be going back into 60 hour weeks in warehouses etc. I think we can’t tar everyone who signed it with the same brush.

Exactly. And I went back early from maternity leave -- it was a miserable period in my life.

The thing is, it's not only women on maternity leave that are going to struggle for childcare though is it? Assuming they are approaching the end of maternity leave or have reached it, they must have had childcare in place because no one leaves arranging that until the very last minute, it's usually something you explore a couple of months before you're due back at work. We've been in lockdown for 6 weeks so are these people seriously trying to suggest that because they haven't had the last 6 weeks to arrange a child minder or nursery, this entitles them to 3 more months paid maternity leave?

What about the rest of us? No idea when the schools, nurseries and childminders will open again and just have to do what we can such as working at home, furlough or arranging work around partners etc all of which these women on maternity leave have the options of too. Let's face it, it's easier to work at home with an immobile baby than it is with an active toddler or early school aged child! Yet there's no petition from us with those aged children is there?

I just don't get it. EVERYONE is in a position to not have childcare if they aren't a keyworker. If they are a keyworker, they can still arrange a nursery or childminder at the moment but why have they left it until now? I had childcare arranged for my DS about 3 months before I was due back at work

And I know even if they had arranged it, they can't use it unless they are a keyworker but the argument is that they apparently can't arrange childcare and need 3 more months to do so. None of us have childcare, arranged or not! You'd think if someone was due back at work now, they'd have had childcare arranged before the 23rd of March to be able to use now which they can't (like the rest of us) but they can do what everyone else is doing and just get by then use their arranged childcare once lockdown is lifted. They don't need 3 more months off to arrange it.

My employer could ask me to go back to my office any time soon and I'll be F'd! No nursery and no grandparents to help as they're shielding, DH working full time. I'll just have to think on my feet and sort something out at the time which may involve annual leave, unpaid parental leave etc. These options are open to women on maternity leave also

I thought the problem was that nurseries are closed and so there is no one to take care of their children when they go back to work. Are nurseries reopening?

But loads of people are in this situation? That's not specific to people on maternity leave now, it applies to anyone with children who need looking after. My DD (10 months) had three weeks of nursery, and I had three weeks back at work before the lockdown and now she's home while DH and I try to wfh. Had this lockdown happened while I was on mat leave life would actually be so much easier because we wouldn't both be juggling full-time hours and looking after DD.

I had a traumatic labour, just prior to lockdown and don't know how I would have managed without the physical support family provided in the week or two after.

That is obviously a horrible situation for any new mum to be in without any help, but I dont know how extra time at the end of maternity leave makes any difference to that.

Less than 12 months maternity leave is cruelty to mothers and babies in any circumstances

Err, what about those women living in the USA who have no choice but to return to work after barely 3 months ML (if they're lucky!)

I've no idea if this is the norm in the states, I've got a friend who lives & works in NYC and she was back in the office by the time her baby was 12 weeks, and she is highly qualified with a well paid job.

3 months was her lot she said, she was absolutely astounded at me being able to take 12 months old, still arsing around in cafes & parks when LO was coming up to 1 yr old

Less than 12 months maternity leave is cruelty to mothers and babies in any circumstances

Bully for those women who can't afford to live off SSP only so have to go back once their full whack employer pay is over .

the 'insta' maternity leave

What exactly is this? I was on ML last year, maybe I can resurrect it, and give it another go?

My mat leave wasn't what I imagined either as my ex h was doing the whole "causing a fight on a Wednesday" so was staying out till Sunday rigmarole. Financially abusing me with the "we didn't budget for you to go to your mums whilst I'm in work you should stay in alone" so it was pretty lonely.

It was basically DD and me a lot of the time so should I get that time back?

No it's just unfortunate. Sometimes that's just life.

To be fair I'd rather pay SMP which is a tiny amount than a lot of other things with my taxes. A lot of NHS treatment I'd happily see removed because it's unnecessary and/or benefits people who genuinely do not deserve to have it. So the whole argument regarding taxes is daft, imo.

I only just had a look at this petition because I came across this thread - it’s worse than I thought it would be! Calling baby groups and sensory sessions for babies ‘vital’, saying ‘new parents and babies are confined to their homes with no social interaction which will ultimately impact on the development of children.’ This is embarrassing and first world problems and entitlement at its finest.
Plenty of mums never bother with these groups at all - are they somehow damaging their children or impacting their development? Of course not. And the weather has been fucking amazing - no one has been ‘confined to their homes’ we can all go out and enjoy a walk in the nice weather with baby in a pram or carrier.
I have no doubt that having to spend your maternity leave mostly at home, not visiting family etc is pretty crap and tough on new mums. But to argue it from the point of view that it is somehow damaging for the baby to spend time mostly at home with just its parents is completely ludicrous and laughable.
If these baby groups are so vital and the people who have signed this petition care so much about this then perhaps they should create another petition that makes these often fairly pricey essential classes free to all. Perhaps they should also consider mums who don’t have the financial option to stay on maternity leave for a whole year. And as a pp said think of those parents whose premature babies spend a large chunk of their mum’s maternity leave in hospital. What a joke.

YANBU.

Also - although I understand that some mums work very demanding long hours/have other children at home (although I presume the mums signing this petition don’t have other children, otherwise they wouldn’t be so concerned about their babies impeded social interaction this definitely sounds like a precious first born issue...) groups and fun activities don’t have to cease because you’re back at work. I work part time so still took my DS to a class and library rhyme times on my day off, I know a lot of mums and dads who do swimming on a Sunday.
I just don’t get the logic really. If these sensory sessions are so ‘vital’ then what difference does the extended mat leave make? Sure the ‘damage’ has been done. What difference does it make if you take them to extra classes at 9 months + when they can simply be getting that social interaction they’ve been missing from a childminder/nursery/family member.

@Pinkblueberry couldn’t agree more! Baby sensory near me was £10 a go. Imagine reading this petition and thinking you’d damaged your baby because you didn’t go! To be fair I loved taking my son to some groups (others were rubbish) but I’m under no illusions that it did anything for his development whatsoever.

He’s 2 now and is loving lockdown hanging out with me and his dad. We’re still all he needs.

What are they going to do with the extra 3 months anyway? It’s hardly likely that everything’s going to go back to normal immediately and I imagine large gatherings of babies and mum’s coffee mornings in the cafe will be pretty far down the list of things that re-start quickly. Surely they’re just going to end up with another 3 months spent mostly at home

Someone I know was moaning about this yesterday and tagging all her 'mummy friends' to sign the petition. My estranged niece is moaning that she's bored. Baby sensory groups will still be on when lockdown ends and even if you are back at work you can take them on your days off. The swimming pools will re open again so you can take them swimming. Just be bloody grateful that your Babies survived because mine didn't.

Thinking back to all this now reminds me that I think my DS was about 8 months old before I took him to his first proper paid sensory class. The reason was that before that I had taken him to library rhyme time quite regularly and a ‘new parent new baby’ group that was run by the local children’s centre that has since shut down - all free. I also took him to ‘baby gym’ sessions which at £3 a pop (tea/coffee with a biscuit afterward included in that price) were pretty good value. DS slept through most of all this - so I doubt it had a great or ‘vital’ impact on his early development. I went for my own benefit mostly and to have a natter with other mums and get out the house. When I have my second I’d be tempted to suggest to the other mums ‘let’s just cut the bullshit and go sit in the park/costa while the babies sleep/feed.’

Yes it’s ridiculous, and as a pp has said this was the consensus on the other thread.

Mat leave is to rest and recover and to bond with the baby. You can do that just as well at home or by gojng for walks. It’s not able coffee mornings and baby groups etc - those are a nice bonus but no one will give you three months extra paid for that!

Lozz22 I’m so sorry for your loss

Baby sensory, nurseries etc all great but not essential for development...I know things have changed since I had mine, but my husband worked day shifts and I worked night shifts and managed. I spent many years surviving on limited sleep and I did struggle at times. My children are all grown with families of their own and they 'developed' normally and are hard working functioning adults. Maybe would have been nice to have had all the things available now but not essential and it doesn't make you a bad parent for not doing so

What a horrible thread to read on a parenting website. Everyone's plans and working routines have been thrown out of synch by all of this, and families adjusting to life with a new baby have another set of adjustments to contend with now too. Yes, the petition is worded badly but surely it's possible to see that the period of upheaval all new parents deal with is massively exacerbated by not having any physical contact with anyone outside your family unit in terms of practical support and also by the uncertainty of nursery/childminder provision, ambiguities about who should/shouldn't be in the physical workplace and, crucially, no exit plan with dates for initial childcare and return to work measures to be put in place.

Similarly, the incidence of domestic violence, pnd, post partum physical difficulties and so on that many of you refer to has not dropped; in fact there is evidence that it has increased but support and referrals have all but halted. Those who experienced such difficulties, do you not think it would have been even more difficult to face them during a global pandemic when you can't even, for instance, get a hug off your mum or your best friend?

I am a bit staggered that - with a few worthy exceptions - a group of parents has just spent the best part of a day online declaiming that this is not the case and that mothers of new babies are not a group that needs particular consideration.

Yes, the petition is worded badly but surely it's possible to see that the period of upheaval all new parents deal with is massively exacerbated by not having any physical contact with anyone outside your family unit in terms of practical support and also by the uncertainty of nursery/childminder provision

Sure, but none of that means that lobbying for extended maternity pay is appropriate.

Like you say, it was worded badly. It focused on some trivial things and made ludicrous claims about what’s essential to baby development.

It shouldn’t be a surprise that it’s been widely criticised.

Makes a mockery of real issues related to maternity . Curiously enough it was started by a man it seems- I looked at the petition on the govt website.. I think it runs the risk of denigrating any further petitions in the area.

We need to focus on the 'have to have' not the 'nice to have'. It naively assumes once lockdown stops we will go back to normal. People may not want to go to baby groups for some time, and so how do you plan for that?

Its also a waste of debating time that could be used for something more crucial. Life isn't fair but not being able to go to baby classes as a rationale is laughable. I have sympathy for real health related impacts but not socialising and baby classes. Surely a case for creative use of technology!

If he had made a more eloquent case for health related issues than maybe so, but really many of us have health issues exacerbated by this. If health issues related to lack of maternity leave are that significant then surely that comes under being signed off by your GP in incremental slots till better.

@DrinkVeneer I don’t disagree that the things you have mentioned causes additional problems for new parents at this time, but that wasn’t the point of this post or the petition. As you say, it was badly worded - and actually creates a very nasty misconception for new parents who now think that their babies will suffer because they haven’t been to a sensory class, which is just ridiculous. Of course mothers of new babies need particular consideration at this time - many posters on here have acknowledged how tough it must be - but they do not need additional maternity leave, just like young babies don’t need fairy lights, bells and colourful feathers stroked across their faces while other babies gurgle and cry in the background to develop properly

What a horrible thread to read on a parenting website.

Oh, please! This sexist and ridiculous idea that we all have to have a hive mind or it's shocking or horrible (unsupportive, MEAN!) . Tiresome in the extreme.

Mothers (parents, actually) and new babies get 12 months to recover from the birth. Now all of the sudden that's not enough and more paid time is needed because of a virus that is effecting everyone?

I disagree and find it ridiculous. The current system is more than generous and I'm unwilling to put my hand in my pocket further for yet another interest group that's in need of no more consideration and anyone else in this time of crisis.

@TinRoofRusty did you just drop your child off at nursery without any prior visits/settling in days and start a full time job?