Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

Oh this is just ridiculous. I never took either of my children to baby groups. They are four and one, so born right in the middle of the 'boom' of these sorts of things and the huge growth of showy-off rubbish posted on SM about baby being simply AMAZING at baby yoga or whatever shite they're doing.

Vital for development? That's odd. My only just four year old can write several words, add up (simple numbers) and socialises well at preschool (she has done 15 hours a week since she became eligible at 3). My one year old doesn't stop talking and is hitting all of her milestones as you expect. Neither has ever seen the inside of a baby group.

Why didn't I take them? Because they are fucking boring! They're for the mums when the babies are tiny, not the babies. If you want to do those things for yourself, to socialise and get yourself out of the house etc then that's fine but they're by no means an essential requirement.

I did lots of nice things with my babies at home. Granted we saw friends for coffee etc which isn't possible at the moment but my god the idea that baby groups are vital is just utter bollocks.

Actually, it's pretty well known now that the only essential socialisation that a baby needs when it's really small is with it's primary care giver. An engaged parent is all they need.

I can not believe this petition exists. Suck it up!

Standardline your view which is probably endemic and is likely to be the reason why we have so many problems with mothers/primary caretakers’/childrens’mental health today 😡

It's a petition being signed by the privileged who don't care that they're privileged, self-absorbed and entitled, they still think they deserve it.

The whole country is struggling. Everyone is stuck at home and without the support they're used to having, were hoping to have, need.... Tens of thousands are losing their jobs and incomes. But they don't care about any of that, just want taxpayers to pay them more money so they can cuddle their baby more in public rather than at home. fucking selfish

Having had a 28 week old preemie I do empathise with the feeling that maternity leave has been 'stolen', or that it isn't what you planned and not fair, even though I know this situation is very different before anyone gets offended. But considering everything else is going on 3 months paid doesn't seem fair. 3 months unpaid seems reasonable, I know not everyone would be able to afford it, but quite a few at the moment would likely be better off on furlough if that's the case where they work!

In ‘reasonable’ circumstances yes I think it is but these aren’t - and please refrain from aggression and expletives - I’m even more worried about children’s welfare and the future now I’ve heard the tone and tenor of some of the posters - ‘The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world’ -

All those mothers who only had 6 months leave, starting from when they left work, sometimes at 30 weeks. I wonder if they thought mothers were entitled when they started getting 9 months paid, and the chance of an extra 3 months unpaid.

It’s absolutely pathetic. I say that as a mother of a 6 month old baby. Before all this kicked off we had just signed up to some baby classes as I finally felt confident enough to attend and also thought my baby was at a stage they might benefit from them. Obviously they all got cancelled and that’s disappointing for us and I feel sad that my child has never met another baby (not that I’m expecting them to make friends.) I’m lucky enough that I have the full year off and I can enjoy this time at home with my baby. No way will I be signing this petition.

To look at it another way - is you attending sensory or music class more important than someone who has a premature baby that’s spending however long in hospital with the parents unable to get that time back - no.

@1forAll74
Yes, it's all ridiculous what these women are saying. And what is baby sensory? ha ha
I had to google it...it sounds a bit 'American'...Basically just doing things with young children that one can do at home anyway!
Music, making things, walks, ..People have probably been doing 'Baby sensory' with their baby/child/ren for decades, but it wasn't given a daft name. :)

In ‘reasonable’ circumstances yes I think it is but these aren’t

I’m not sure what you’re arguing here. Do you think the extra leave should be paid?

@cacaca quite a lot of sensory classes are being streamed online if you would still like to try some, usually you just need a rattle and a scarf and stuff like that you likely already have. I couldn't go to any with DS, but he was social at nursery so didn't seem to affect him not seeing other babies, none of my friends or family had a baby at the time.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved baby sensory. But to argue it’s anything other than a ‘nice to have’ pass time is silly.

I’ve had a few people ask me to sign this and I was really shocked that people are backing this. Maternity leave is for recovering from the birth and looking after your baby...it’s not for taking them to classes and it is absolute bullshit that the classes are “vital for development” which is what the petition says.

It’s really sad not to have had the maternity leave experience you imagined but I don’t really see why that justifies 3 months of pay. So many peoples lives have been totally turned upside down by this virus and actually new mums who are already on mat leave are a lot less affected than many other people - they’ll still be getting their mat pay, they’ll still be spending all day with their babies. For loads of them with furloughed or working from home partners their baby will actually get to spend more time with their father than they otherwise would.

For people worried about nursery/carer handover, all the nurseries near me have 1-2 weeks of settling in and wouldn’t allow you to do more than that, so not sure why 3 months would be needed for settling.

Although the ridiculous comments about “women” being daft giving all other women a bad name are equally enraging. So because say most serial killers are men are they “giving all men a bad name”?!

Im currently on mat leave baby is 5 months. Yeah its shit timw but not to do with baby groups but the fact baby isnt familiar with our families. But it is what it is. Im not seeking extra paid leave. Thou ive no idea how ill work from home with a baby and toddler if creches stay closed

Thou ive no idea how ill work from home with a baby and toddler if creches stay closed

Yes this.

There are much bigger issues to be concerned about and put our energies into.

Unfortunately people have no idea just how badly this is going to end from r many, many companies and industries. I don't think there'll be any problem for them finding the time for further leave with their baby. Sadly, it'll take the form of redundancy.

@HarrietM87 For people worried about nursery/carer handover, all the nurseries near me have 1-2 weeks of settling in and wouldn’t allow you to do more than that, so not sure why 3 months would be needed for settling.

Not all babies are able to have 1-2 weeks and feel settled.

I don't think 3 months is needed but I think it needs to be a case by case basis. It had taken us 1 month to get to the point we could leave DS for 10 mins with a family member. We went everyday. He doesn't have any of it and all out hard work will have been undone by now.

I've known nurseries for it for a couple of months very slowly building up hours and days as you have to do what is best for baby.

I think it is a huge shame for new mothers that their maternity leave has been overshadowed by the lockdown - it can be a really important opportunity to establish the support groups that will carry you through the years ahead, as well to simply enjoy time with your baby. But many, many people don't get the maternity leave they hoped for due to all kinds of circumstances - illness, pnd, bereavement, divorce, job loss... the idea that paid maternity leave should be extended in compensation is simply not realistic or reasonable.

I'm on maternity leave with a 3 month old baby. I haven't signed this because I think things are shit for most people right now and I don't think my maternity leave being tougher than I expected is the biggest issue. I don't think the economy would cope with additional paid mat leave.

However, I don't think it is fair to say everyone signing is an entitled fool. Unless you are on mat/pat leave now or had your baby in a war zone or similar you didn't have to manage in this situation. Like other posters I was expecting to be able to rely on some support from family, neighbours and friends. I had a traumatic labour, just prior to lockdown and don't know how I would have managed without the physical support family provided in the week or two after. It's sad watching my baby develop and change so quickly and his family miss out on this- alas, he doesn't understand zoom. Lockdown can be depressing anyway, more so with the stresses of a new baby. And I can't just potter around the garden, or go for a run or do whatever it is other people are doing to lift their mood. I worry about going back to work and arranging childcare, I worry he won't have any relationship with grandparents who would have helped out. I've not been able to go to breastfeeding support groups, have had to have GP checks over the phone, not been able to have him weighed when this would have been reassuring, not seen health visitor. I'm scared about him getting COVID - although children are generally at lower risk, babies less so. I would have gone to some baby groups to meet other mums, a luxury perhaps but I worry about having a lack of peer support which friends have told me really helped them. I question whether I should take him out in the pram or car to get him to nap when he isn't sleeping well - is this a reasonable excuse? I've panicked about not being able to buy nappies, formula, calpol in shops.

I must admit, I find it frustrating that I am currently getting less money than furloughed colleagues who are not working at the moment. I'm grateful I am not like my friend who's partner has lost his job and therefore they are surviving on her limited mat leave pay.

So, it's been quite crap. And I am sucking it up and getting on with it. However, I don't blame people for signing this, there's more to it than missing out on baby sensory. We have never been in this situation before and whilst obviously a lot of parents have to manage with limited family support, they've never had all the additional factors lock down has created on top of that.

I'm amazed constantly (and I work in the public sector) that people don't seem to realise that any money that comes from the government comes from taxes and like all money tax money can only be spent once, it's additional mat leave or something else, it's not a bottomless pit. Unless you want taxes to go up?

MAT leave in the UK is already generous compared to many other countries.

I just watched the BBC clip about this, it is genuinely ludicrous. Maternity leave wasn’t introduced to let you go to loads of nice coffee mornings and baby classes, it was introduced to protect your job and let you recover from birth.

Do they also not realise the UK is an absolute world leader in length of maternity leave (along with Scandinavia and Germany)? Most countries you have 12-16 weeks, several of which you’re often required to take pre-birth. Why they suddenly need an extra 3 months because they’ve been stuck in the house beggars belief.

I think it’s the most tone deaf thing I’ve seen during this whole crisis.

Having said all that, I’m of course terribly sorry for anyone whose maternity leave is spent in lockdown - particularly those whose babies have been born post lockdown so their families can’t even meet them, or those whose babies are a few weeks old when it happened so didn’t have a proper support network of classes and groups already set up. It sucks.

It's not reasonable to expect your maternity leave to be extended, but it's a shame that this thread is full of people slating women for wanting to go to baby groups. Having a baby can be lonely and stressful. Baby groups meant that we both got out of the house, she got to interact with some toys that we didn't have at home and roll around with other babies, and I got to talk to other mums and reassure myself that I wasn't doing anything particularly wrong. I can totally see why women who haven't been able to do those things are disappointed in how their maternity leave has turned out and it's not stupid to have wanted to do them. But I agree that the ones trying to get more paid mat leave need to be realistic.

@twinkleprincess I had a really clingy DS so I know the feeling, but when you have a clingy baby it will be hard for them however you try to prepare them. They all adjust ok in the end. Loads of time can actually prolong the confusion rather than making it better.