Entitled mothers

[MerryDeath]

mostly trying to avoid getting into it with the local mums on FB but this petition doing the rounds about extending mat leave, paid, by 3 months because of CV19.... AIBU to be incensed by the attitude of some new mothers?? not for the first time either. and i say this as someone on mat leave with a 4 month old.. i am mostly just thankful to be safe, with an income, in my home, with my baby. i couldn't give a flying frog about going to baby sensory. if that's your biggest concern then lucky you 🤯🤯

I remember my 3rd maternity leave, dealing with a newborn, a toddler and a primary school child. I can remember crying at the thought of the school holidays when I was going to have to look after the three on them all the time (useless exDh). If it had been lockdown I couldn’t have even gone to the park or to visit my mum would have possibly sent me over the edge.

The petition is a bit ridiculous, and I bet in a few years, with hindsight the people who set it up will feel a bit daft - just like many of us do when we think of i things we did in the sleep deprived early days.

Sometimes I think many are looking at this pandemic then thinking what can I get out of it

ah okay so it's 3 months off paid because they're tired, and people can't help look after the children they chose to have, got it.

I don’t agree with extending the leave but this comment is unfair and somewhat spiteful. Nobody choosing to start a family could have predicted this situation and probably only took that step after considering what support would be available to them if they did. To blame them for their situation because they chose to have a baby is like blaming people for booking a flight on a plane that then crashes.

Bananaskins I’m a critical care doctor. And I agree it’s tough for a lot of people, I really feel for people like you and your family who’ve had babies arrive during this time and can’t meet them, it must be so so hard. I also agree that if all the petition wants is for us to have more opportunities to go to baby sensory then it’s a load of rubbish (I didn’t actually sign it as I thought the chances of it being taken seriously were pretty slim!!) but just wanted to make the point that it isn’t just the entitlement of wanting a lovely fluffy time to make memories that has buggered up mat leave for some of us

My country (not UK) is not one of the wealthy, but we have 18 months long maternity leave. Because of COVID -19 and to manage social crisis it brings, paid maternity leave now is extended. Why do you separate "country on it's knees" and these mothers? Maybe their families need this income during crisis. They are part of the country and society as are their babies. Less than 12 months maternity leave is cruelty to mothers and babies in any circumstances. Yes, being at home with caregivers is directly for baby's benefit. Everything else is adults overthinking, rationalizing and manipulating. Why do you shout down women demanding more humane policies?

I know at least one person who signed and is very strongly promoting it, because if she was at work, the company would have furloughed her as she's vulnerable/with young children. Very cross at being on SMP instead of 80% salary

I saw this but I took it the other way. To me this was supposed to be the period where I was leaving my DS with other family members to get him used to being away from me. He's very clingy to myself and my DP to the point that before lockdown he would scream and scream if he was with anyone else at all.

This period was supposed to be building up the time he was away from us and then at the end of June I was going back to 50 hour weeks. This now looks impossible. It's not as simple as just cracking on with it as he gets worked up to the point he will be sick as he's crying so much.

I'm now in an impossible situation. I can't afford to be off much longer but am looking at having to take 3 months unpaid leave to combat this issue. Not to mention settling in days at a childminders etc.

@sillysparrow157, you have valid reasons for extended maternity leave: exposure to covid, lack of support, etc but some of the reasons outlined on the petition are just ridiculous.

...leave my partner dealing with two babies with no support whatsoever.

Not a lot of sympathy for your partner when women have been raising babies without support for millennia. At least he (or she) will have your support financially and when you are not at work.

I don’t agree with extending the leave but this comment is unfair and somewhat spiteful.

I don’t understand why that poster and her DH don’t take it in turns to give each other some respite though? Why do they need to drop the babies with GP’s or friends so they can both sleep at the same time? Don’t you just take it in turns?

What difference does the extra 3 months make?

I’d assume this might be because if nurseries aren’t open now, it’s impossible to have one set up before you return to work.

But according to other threads, anyone who hasn’t been paying their nursery or CM full pay for no service can expect to be kicked out of the service so lots of space will be available when they open.

I don’t agree with giving 3 months extra paid leave is appropriate though.

YANBU.
Currently on mat leave too. 9 months just finished so taking the 3m unpaid. I'd never expect to be funded for the extra 😂. Due to go back in July so hoping it's clear to then!

@Hampsand, that’s not exactly what I said to be fair, is it? I chose to have a baby, which actually turned out to be 2 babies knowing that I had 2 sets of grandparents, admittedly a 2 hour drive away but happy to help as much as they could, and a close friend just down the road, so that when I went back to work to my 48 hr week job when they were 8 months old, their dad would have a support network.
I didn’t choose to birth them into a global pandemic which risked me having to go back to work early (I’ve been very lucky to avoid that) and took that support network away. If my crystal ball had been working I would have planned to take additional unpaid leave but as the sole earner the mortgage needs paid so I can’t change my plans now.
As I said in the previous post I didn’t even sign the petition but covid is causing us as a family difficulties that we couldn’t have expected.

Having children is a lifestyle choice. People who make this choice already get sufficient subs and handouts on the backs of single householders. Just take the issue of council tax. It is supposed to pay for ones use of local facilities yet people with children pay NOTHING extra for the resources which their children use. Children suck up resources like sponges.

I get what you are saying, but if they are key workers and there are no nurseies open what do you suggest they do OP? Where I am there are schools open, but very few nurseries and I can imagine it is a battle to get a place.

I thought the problem was that nurseries are closed and so there is no one to take care of their children when they go back to work. Are nurseries reopening?

If the issue is they need to return immediately, assuming they are key workers, nurseries are open to them. If they aren’t key workers and their bosses are insisting they return, there are plenty of others in this situation who haven’t come off mat leave. The government has given advice to companies about mat leave returners. If an employer is refusing to follow it that’s shit, but isn’t the government’s fault.

can imagine it is a battle to get a place.

On the contrary, many nurseries say they are losing money in staying open for key workers because so few are taking up spaces.

To those of you asking why my partner will need support, I will be working nights/24 hr shifts at times so having an extra pair of hands will be useful sometimes! And yes of course women have been caring for their kids forever but in my experience it’s not infrequent that they have friends and family who can pop round and lend a hand now and then.

Also on mat leave and think it’s ridiculous- the government may have other things to worry about and better things to spend money on!! Rather than funding mummy lunches

I think this just exposes the different levels of support people have.

Plenty of people have no support on maternity leave (and what a ridiculous comment about a poor little father having to care for two children on his own - what, is his penis so enormous it gets in the way of childcare thousands of women manage every day?). It is not automatic that you get to bond with grandparents or make a social circle - and those things can be ruined for reasons you couldn't anticipate.

I do get why some mums feel a bit shit. But I think that's what having a baby is like, isn't it? You make all these plans and everyone sits round in circles at antenatal group saying 'ooh, yes, I plan to sip my alcohol-free cocktail in the sun while my baby breastfeeds and I whip up a crochet snuggle blanket with my free hand'. Then you have the baby and you can't predict who gets PND, or whose relationship suddenly falls into the toilet, or whose partner gets made redundant. It's just life. And this isn't really terribly different, despite being such a dramatic event in other ways.

(Also agree the point about parents of preemies is very well made.)

Cross post.

@sallysparrow157, I think you might think a moment and realise your 'experience' might be a tiny bit, ahem, selective or unusual?

No, it's not common for 'family and friends' to pop round and do nights.

Threads on here will show you it's not at all uncommon for mums to have partners who work shifts and cope just fine. I know someone on my antental group whose partner is in the military and was away for months when she had her children. I think that's bloody hard, but she coped.

I know it's not about oppression olympics, but there is a point at which it becomes pretty poor taste to complain, and IMO this is it.

I've chosen not to have children so I'll never get maternity leave. It's not fair, so where can I sign a petition demanding maternity leave for the child-free?

Yes, it's all ridiculous what these women are saying. And what is baby sensory? ha ha

O christ. Mumsnet... The US and UK. Somehow, the govs have convinced people that democratic socialism, well funded healthcare and education for all, extended parental leave (shared) is people being selfish and entitled. Perhaps if we had a society that put parental consideration (among other social justice considerations) before economic growth and growing levels of inequality.... The UK and US wouldnt be floundering during this crisis.

So sad that the people who would most benefit from egalitarian policies have been convinced agn them and instead believe in the freedom of the mega rich to acquire more and more wealth while public services are cut cut cut.

@SarahAndQuack have you looked after baby twins alone? Without being able to leave the house apart from one walk a day? Of course it’s possible and of course plenty of people do it but regardless of penises it’s quite hard work and just being able to pop to a friend’s house so they can hold one baby whilst you have a drink makes a huge difference. I’d be saying exactly the same if it was me at home alone with them

I post this after our daughter (currently on mat leave) called past on her walk - grandson woke and was held up so we could see him properly and the poor soul was so startled at the sight of us promptly burst into tears - very upsetting all around and I imagine it will take a while to reinstate our previously close relationship😡😞I had no hesitation in signing the petition as did many of my family and circle of friends - ‘It takes a village to raise a child’