To think that ignoring someone and sulking is abusive?

[Pingolo]

DH has been sulking and ignoring me for days because I asked him for something and he didn't like it. It feels like he's trying to punish me because I finally plucked up the courage to talk about what I need. But is it abusive?

Yes it is x

What on earth could you have asked him for that caused this out of proportion reaction?

It’s immature. It’s manipulative. I don’t think it’s abusive, no. But then it depends how often he does it.

No, I don’t think it’s abusive. Certainly no more abusive than trying to force someone to talk to you and get them to say whatever it is you want to hear.

It sounds like there are major issues in this relationship, but that doesn’t make it abusive.

Taken to an extreme yes. Everyone is sometimes grumpy and people take time to calm down before having a discussion. However deliberately sulking when you don't get your way is at best manipulative and at worst abusive. What did you say that precipitated this multi day sulk? How could it possibly have been that bad?

Yes it's abusive. He's trying to show you that you cannot ask him about things he doesn't want to talk about. It's also very controlling.

Depends on the history of the relationship. I mean.....if you've asked him something unreasonable and it's something that distresses him.....

In normal days when you can just ignore back completely and carry on with your own life pretending he's not there, of course it's not abusive.

In days when you are both stuck at home and it brings a horrible atmosphere at home, it's less acceptable.

What did you ask though?

I think it depends on whether this is something he makes a habit of. Time out in an argument to cool down is one thing but ignoring someone for days and sulking is childish at the very least. If it's how he normally expresses his displeasure then its possible its designed to control or manipulate you and not something you should tolerate.

Not sure if what the OP asked for is terribly relevant. He may have been very upset by it but he can say no if it pushes his boundaries and he can say he's very upset. Sulking and ignoring is not a very effective way of communicating.

Yes it comes under emotional abuse and can be controling.

It's an effective, subtle form of abuse that once wasn't recognised.

I'm assuming you havent asked him to hack off a limb

It’s pretty childish.
What kicked all this off?

The one thing he consistently does with the kids is bath time for the youngest who is 2. It's the only 15 minutes I get to myself. Lately if the toddler doesn't immediately cooperate he asks for my help because "it's just easier if we do it as a team". So I told him I really count on those 15 minutes and could he please commit to trying to do it every day otherwise I'm always on. I wasn't angry. I didn't accuse him of anything. I just asked for I need. In the past if I'm even slightly emotional or whatever he will latch onto that and make that the issue. I've mostly given up asking for anything because it's such a ordeal. But I'm tired so I tried. And now it's been 3 days since he spoke to me.

In that context, yes I think it is emotionally abusive.

You shouldn't have had to ask for 15 minutes a day in the first place, you are supposed to be a team. You certainly shouldn't be punished for daring to ask. He sounds awful.

He’s childish tell him to grow up, you’ve got children you don’t want another, I’d also be thinking can I live like this for years, it wears you down after a bit, my toxic family did this sort of thing.

I think it is puerile but not abusive. Why have you put up with this behaviour up till now?

Yup in the context you’ve put it with the additional information of his behaviour he is manipulative, controlling and emotionally sbusive

Yep that's abusive.
He's a lazy arsehole. I bet his mother is so proud of him.

@Pingolo

Wow. I could to some extent sympathise with him if you'd said something really hurtful. You asked him to bathe his toddler in the evenings and he's sulked for days? That's incredibly manipulative and controlling. Basically he's creating a situation where you're scared to ask anything of him or disagree with him because if you do he'll shut you down and make home life miserable for days at a time. It's very controlling.

It's abusive and he does fuck all and you're on your own. What is he adding to your life?

totally out of proportion reaction to what you asked

He does do things around the house but it has to be when the mood strikes him so I can never count on it. So I feel like I'm always carrying around everything in my head. Asking for anything to be done consistently makes it impossible. He will stonewall until I get frantic and end up yelling. It's what he's waiting for. So then it be about how I yelled at him. For those that say stonewalling is abusive do you have a link?

It’s abusive. How often does he behave like this ?

Does he usually do nothing to care for his own child?

Do you want to stay with him?