To think that ignoring someone and sulking is abusive?

[Pingolo]

DH has been sulking and ignoring me for days because I asked him for something and he didn't like it. It feels like he's trying to punish me because I finally plucked up the courage to talk about what I need. But is it abusive?

I do think he's abusive but try not to get distracted by whether or not the label fits.

What matters is that his behaviour is unacceptable, whatever label you give it.

Don't waste time trying to prove to him he's abusive, he will never agree anyway. What you should focus on is deciding whether or not you want to continue living with this behaviour, whatever you call it.

Record him recording you and you narrate exactly what has happened. He's gaslighting and crazy making. Google those behaviours. Your soul knows what's abusive and unreasonable

He's creating this atmosphere to make you back down and stop standing up for yourself. He's now recording you and trying to convince you that you're crazy. He is abusive.

No it's not abuse. Is this for real?

Yes, I agree with @opticaldelusion: your update has confirmed he's abusive.

There is no point in trying to get him to explain himself.
There is no point in trying to understand.
There is no point in hoping he will see sense.

Empower yourself, not him, and decide what you want, and what your next move can be to remove yourself from him.

Sorry op, Just saw that he records it. That is manipulation.

@My2centsare - It is abuse. Perhaps you need to widen your understanding of the tem.

*term

massively abusive. my mum used to be treated appallingly by my dad (physical, financial, you name it) she said the days he would ignore her and treat her like she wasnt there is what made her feel the most worthless.

fuck that OP, couldn't be with someone who thought that was okay. set the bar higher - there are people out there who would treat you with respect.

He's demonstrating a profound lack of empathy for you. I suspect this isn't unusual.

@My2centsare erm are you for real actually? ignoring someone and sulking to get your own way is desired to make someone too worried to repeat the "offence" again for fear of it happening again - once you have grovelled then you are deemed worthy enough to speak to - throw in having if turned back on you and being called crazy you also have gas lighting thrown into the mix

unbelievable

Ican be abusive, but you have to consider context. The way 'abuse', 'control' is thrown about on this site can empty those terms of their real and powerful meanings. It's become the new 'LTB'. Only the OP will know the history of this behaviour, its frequency and intensity and its effect on her. It's a long way from being a lazy, selfish arse to being a controlling abuser.

Everything is abuse in your eyes. The term emotional abuse is too broad. That's my opinion, Sorry it's not the popular one.

It is a form of control my mother does it when things dont go her way. Its not a nice trait

Abusive? No. Childish? Yes.

But anyone doing anything you don’t like in a relationship seems so be labelled as abuse on MN, so I may be in the minority.

I think those who think that sulking and ignoring someone for days isn't abuse is probably maybe guilty of it themselves tbh.

OP maybe it's time to take a look at your relationship and decide on whether you want this shit to be your kids normal.

lool some people are so ignorant..
from the link PP shared upthread on emotional abuse:

Being made to feel guilty.This can range from outright emotional blackmail (threats to kill oneself or lots of emotional outbursts) to sulking all the time or giving you the silent treatment as a way of manipulating you

anything that is used to manipulate someone is abusive

My god the amount of threads about this subject (lazy, useless ballbags) today is depressing.

Yes he is an abusive arsehole, he is gaslighting you into believing you are unreasonable for wanting him to parent his kids.

And more so, he sounds like an absolute useless tosspot if the only break you get is 15 minutes.

WHY DO WOMEN PUT UP WITH THIS NONSENSE??????

Op - your partner does not respect you or care about your wellbeing enough to give you the merely basic support any normal person needs when dealing with kids. He doesn’t care. That’s the bottom line. If someone cares then they do not leave the other person to shoulder all the burden and responsibility for the boring and challenging shit - if they care they look after you and share the load.

Ultimatum time for him - Sort your shit out or fuck off.

Lately if the toddler doesn't immediately cooperate he asks for my help because "it's just easier if we do it as a team".

How would he react if you asked for help with the kids all the time during the rest of the day because "it's just easier if we do it as a team"?

Seriously, are you happy in this relationship? Do you still love him? Do you want to spend time with him? It sounds like there's not much left between the two of you.

It’s abusive.
He’s making your life so difficult to put you off asking him again. It’s almost like he’s punishing you? That must be very difficult to deal with I’m sorry you’re experiencing that.

he started recording me saying he wants to have it so everyone can see how crazy I am

^ this

Is gaslighting- hes turning it on you to make you question yourself. Classic gaslighting. Op, i would seek advise and start planning to walk away,

What does be do when you try to talk to him? Just ignore you? Can you just call him out on it? "Are you still sulking because I asked you to look after you child for 15 minutes a day?"

Bare minimum is controlling. My DH does this when he had decided he doesn't want to talk to me about something - post argument etc. I've called him up on it recently as he pulled it the other day and didn't talk to me for three days! I said at best it was childish and disturbing that, that way of functioning was deemed OK by them.

@Nottherealslimshady. If he's anything lol r my DH, he probably just acts as if she isn't speaking!