To think that ignoring someone and sulking is abusive?

[Pingolo]

DH has been sulking and ignoring me for days because I asked him for something and he didn't like it. It feels like he's trying to punish me because I finally plucked up the courage to talk about what I need. But is it abusive?

3 days of sulking because you asked him to handle bathtime for 15 mins???? What a prince amongst men........

In the context you have described OP, it's absolutely emotional abuse.

However most people get the hump with something from time to time; as long as it's not needlessly protracted (per the OP) or part of a wider pattern of stonewalling or other abusive behaviours (also per the OP from what I understand) then sulking isn't necessarily abusive in and of itself.

What did you ask him to cause this reaction?! Does it happen regularly? In terms of abuse, what would you even class it as, neglect? To me it’s not abusive, yes he may be acting like a brat, or even being manipulative, but it doesn’t sound like he is abusing you - he isn’t being cruel, violent or mistreating you, he’s being a stroppy man child.

If your husband thinks it’s easier for you both to do thing as a team, where is he for the rest of the day?
A contribution of 15 minutes hardly makes him a team player.

I don't think that sulking alone is abusive. I think its his 'argument style' which is immature, frustrating and twatty. Have you ever pulled him up on it? If so how does he react?

What did you ask him to cause this reaction?!

She answered that already if you read her updates

Its childish, controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour and by your statement 'I've mostly given up asking for anything because its such an ordeal' it has worked for him to date.

He doesn't sound much of a partner, in fact sounds nasty to be honest. This behaviour/control wont go away and may get worse on a long term basis, it is soul destroying for you and children.

Would you consider checking on-line any local womens centers, help lines etc and when this is over go for some counselling yourself - I did and it really helped me see things clearly, gave back my confidence and self worth:)

It was only with this help I was able and strong enough to make big changes in my life and have never been happier.

Its difficult in the current circumstances but even by just seeking and storing info. and nos. you are taking back some control of your life and looking to build a better future.

Sorry OP, I missed a few posts! I think this lockdown has made everyone a bit tetchy! He’s being an arse, just leave him to it, or make yourself “busy” where you can’t hear him when he shouts for you to do it for him!

He’s mentally abusing you by refusing to communicate.

He’s childish and not a decent human or parent.

Your kids are going to witness this behaviour as they grow up if you stay with him. He’ll probably do it to them too.

Sounds like my H. I don't bother reacting to him. I just grey rock his behavior/him.

He doesnt want to be told what to do like most teens! Its childish for a grown man. What happens if you just dont do the things you have asked him to do. Could you stop asking him to do anything, dont do it yourself unless its vital, dont waste energy yelling but go and pamper yourself instead. Ignoring you is pathetic. Can you plug headphones in and ignore him back.

Its childish, controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour and by your statement 'I've mostly given up asking for anything because its such an ordeal' it has worked for him to date

I wouldn’t say it’s abusive or controlling, I’d say he was just bloody lazy! And had gotten away with being lazy for so long that he’s used to it.

People throw the word abusive around so often when they don’t like someone’s behaviour, but just because they act like a child, or show unlikeable behaviour, doesn’t mean they are abusive.

I once had a partner who would ignore me for days at a time without me knowing why. I'd find out later that it was because I had mentioned a male friends name in conversation or that a male bus driver and had been friendly to me etc. He was sure I was sleeping with pretty much any man I encountered so he'd punish me with silence. Ironically I ended things with him when I discovered he was married. We weren't together very long and if I'd known about "red flags" back then we'd have been over before we started.

I think if you have an argument and one of the parties takes off for half an hour or so to cool down and then came back to talk things through, that would be fine, but days on end refusing to talk is abusive I think.

Cookiemonster92

Of course it's abusive behaviour, comes under emotionally abusive.

yes it abusive pull him up straight away ..tell him hes an abusive twat

Yes - my dad was like this - could sulk for weeks - it was an awful atmosphere. My exh was the same (ha - they say you pick a partner like a parent). So childish. I’m completely the opposite with my kids - sometimes we can disagree loudly, but it’s over 10 min later - but I never ever sulk! Hate that now so much.

Google stonewalling and ignoring/sulking. It IS abuse. Leave him. He will never change. My Mum divorced her husband (pre my existence) for this very behaviour.

Just let him get on with it. In the meantime don’t cook for him or do this laundary or anything for the selfish bastard

I did tell him I think he's being abusive and he started recording me saying he wants to have it so everyone can see how crazy I am. I'm really questioning myself. He thinks I'm throwing the word abusive around lightly but it feels awful and the atmosphere is awful for the kids.

I can't actually imagine wanting to stay in a relationship with someone who treated me like this.
But if you do I would take him at his word and every time you are doing something more challenging with the dc and he is around I would ask him to help, stating that teamwork makes it easier.
Keep him working with you.

he started recording me saying he wants to have it so everyone can see how crazy I am

Yeah, he's abusive. Your update has confirmed it.

Oh OP, this isn't good at all. I'm sorry.

He needs serious help to change his behaviour, but in the meantime you shouldn't have to suffer from it. Is there anywhere else you can go with the children? You are allowed to travel to get out of abusive situations during the lockdown.

Ignore his threats, they are worthless.

Try and ignore him if you can. Dont rise to the bait. He is just trying to push your buttons to justify his sulking. Send him packing to mummy.

You cannot win with someone who sees themselves as always right. The fact you only get 15minutes a day means he is extremely good at avoidance tactics.

This might help OP

www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-conflict/what-emotional-abuse

The point is how it makes YOU feel, not how he thinks you should feel about it. Based on your updates I would say this is abusive and controlling.