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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Kids entertaining themselves whilst I sleep

189 replies

Kerlassic · 26/04/2020 15:35

This is fine isn’t it?

Kids 4 and 8, get on well. On a Sunday DH has his lie in. Children get up at 7, come in for a cuddle then head downstairs, I go into guest bedroom and leave the door open so I can hear them and leave DH in bed with the door closed. I leave out a brioche and banana each the night before and cups. Eldest pours milk for them both and they eat brek and play/watch TV until I come down about 9. I only doze and am listening out for them. They know they can get me if they need to.

Can anyone see a problem with this?

OP posts:
12stepCAKE · 26/04/2020 22:10

I'm not really asleep though. More dozing (light sleeper)

Jojobar · 26/04/2020 22:18

It's absolutely fine, my eldest was doing this at 5 for n hour or so at weekends and sometimes (which I'm sure will horrify other posters) with his 3 year old sibling. They would get their own bowls out and make cereal. Yes a bit of mess ensued but nothing much more than their father used to cause carrying out the same task Hmm.

It wasn't every weekend, often I'd be up before them, or they would come and snuggle up with me in bed. But if they wanted to be up watching TV or having breakfast, it meant they weren't waiting for me.

I hate the idea of kiss having to stay in their room or not being allowed downstairs or to feed themselves...there's nothing wrong with allowing a little independence otherwise they'll end up like the kid of someone I know, secondary school age and still expecting to be served breakfast every morning - and looks blankly if you suggest he gets it himself...

hauntedvagina · 26/04/2020 22:20

My DS didn't really give me much choice in the matter, he was around four when he started making his way downstairs in the morning to watch TV without waking us up. He's 8 now and still does the same, out of bed every morning at 6am and straight downstairs.

He's always told me how much he enjoys his "quiet time" in the mornings.

Providing you can hear them I say carry on.

Rosebel · 26/04/2020 22:32

Mine were 5 and 7 when I used to let them go downstairs alone. I didn't let them eat though, they just used to watch tv or play together. I would get up about 8 to do breakfast so I think it's fine.

Blackandgreenteas · 26/04/2020 22:35

Mine do but they are 11 and 6, so that bit older. At the moment they are getting themselves up a lot (11 year generally does as she’s an early riser, more so than 6 to) because I’ve had COVID 19 and really suffering still with fatigue.

Bringonspring · 26/04/2020 22:40

It’s a bit lazy parenting to be honest if you get a lie in on sat

Original poster
Kerlassic · 26/04/2020 22:43

Thanks all. Lots of sensible that chime with what I think too. @Blackandgreenteas hope you feel 100% soon.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kerlassic · 26/04/2020 22:43

Sensible replies, sorry

OP posts:
Blackandgreenteas · 26/04/2020 22:44

Thanks Kerlassic !

ReginaPhallange47 · 26/04/2020 22:47

What is the problem?

The parents are in the house. In an emergency op would probably hear or one of the kids could go up and get her.

As long as they aren't likely to do anything daft like drink bleach or set the house on fire I really can't see what the possible danger or issue is Confused

Maybeimweird · 26/04/2020 22:50

I'd worry too much about choking, I could understand maybe doing something upstairs like getting changed while they have breakfast and keep shouting them that's what I do but to be half asleep and not knowing if they could choke, I couldn't do it. Mine are just turned 9 and nearly 6 and I am only just feeling the shift in them growing that bit older and feeling chuffed my 9 year old can pour her own breakfast on the odd occasion.

Tsubasa1 · 26/04/2020 22:59

**Do people really watch their four year olds constantly and never leave them to play in their own rooms?!

Exactly what I was wondering!

Tsubasa1 · 26/04/2020 23:08

I leave my 10 month old and 3 year old playing if I have cleaning or chores, checking up on them every 2-4 mins depending on the chore. If my 10 month old is sleeping, I leave my 3 year old alone watching tv or playing while I have a shower (husband away a lot). I think this is acceptable.

AnPo · 26/04/2020 23:10

Do people really watch their four year olds constantly and never leave them to play in their own rooms?!

I leave my almost 4yo to it if she's playing in another room but I'd always have an ear out which you really can't do the same way if you're sleeping/dozing. I wouldn't let her eat unsupervised without popping my head around regularly. You won't hear a child choking. It's a very real risk at that age.

BogRollBOGOF · 26/04/2020 23:10

At 4 mine could happily entertain themselves for a couple of hours with Lego or TV.

A few years on 7 & 9 and I'm very grateful in current circimstances that they are quite independent at finding ways to sensibly entertain themselves!

Maybeimweird · 26/04/2020 23:16

I think playing and watching TV is fine we can't watch kids 24/7 but I wouldnt be half asleep while they eat breakfast while I'm upstairs and they are downstairs.

LunchBoxPolice · 26/04/2020 23:26

Sounds fine to me.

thaegumathteth · 26/04/2020 23:27

I would have done this if dd (the younger one) hadn't been so unpredictable and as much of a Risk taker. She'd have given cautious ds a breakdown by 8am!

Susanna85 · 26/04/2020 23:34

Yes I do this too.
My DC is 5 and loves having a bit of freedom to play/ watch TV alone in the mornings on weekends.
Lazy parenting? Possibly but I'd be lazy parenting even if I was sat downstairs from 6am. Guaranteed on my phone on the sofa and probably a little bit grumpy. I can be a better more engaged parent for the rest of the day with a less early start.

REdReDRE · 27/04/2020 00:23

Mine are 4 and 7 and almost every day they go down without waking me and help themselves to breakfast (DH starts work really early so has left before they're up). They then watch the iPad/tv/play with LEGO. Sometimes it's for 10 mins and sometimes 1.5 hours. They rarely watch tv any other time so I don't mind. They know where I am and I hear them if they argue.

Sally872 · 27/04/2020 00:23

I think a lot of people need to get some hp for their anxiety around choking. You cannot be with them every second. Teach them to chew food carefully, and not run around when eating. At what age do you stop worrying about this? Even adults can choke, do you not eat unattended yourself either?

ScarfLadysBag · 27/04/2020 00:38

I love that two lie ins a week is lazy Grinit's not even that much of a lie in. Pre-children, 9 o'clock was definitely not a lie in!

I'm super lazy though - DH doesn't do lie ins so I get one every day and it's the greatest Grin He takes DD at 7 every morning and I can snooze until anywhere between 9 and 10.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/04/2020 00:57

I don’t think it is fair for the older child to be responsible for a 4 year old especially around food.

I am assuming you wouldn’t be impressed if there was no adult supervision at school, and if something happened at lunchtime to a pre-school child and the school’s response was that they expected the older children to deal with it.

If they are sensible and happy to watch tv or play with toys and aren’t going to use the oven, go out the front door and can play nicely together, not so much a problem but I wouldn’t like food to be involved.

NoSquirrels · 27/04/2020 01:07

I think a lot of people need to get some hp for their anxiety around choking

Gosh, yes - this. This thread is full of people paranoid about it! Four-year-olds don't really choke any more frequently than any other age - do they? No pre-school/Reception-age child I know is at much risk of choking... and if your particular child is, then obviously that's a known issue and you'd behave differently to OP.

The vast majority of children over the age of 3 are not at elevated risk of choking. That's why all those super-cautious toy warnings are 3+.

If your DC have got to 7/8/9 and only just being allowed to sort out a bowl of cereal or pour a glass of milk might I respectfully suggest you relax and allow them to? It's great for learning steps to independence. From 8+ my DC was baking from recipes completely alone, getting a grown-up for things like the oven, electric whisks or chopping tricky stuff if they need us. And can make a great cup of tea. Seriously, a bit of teaching, a bit of allowing to make mistakes and not minding the clear-up, a bit of encouraging and you too can have a cuppa and a slice of cake brought to you in bed...

NoSquirrels · 27/04/2020 01:10

I am assuming you wouldn’t be impressed if there was no adult supervision at school, and if something happened at lunchtime to a pre-school child and the school’s response was that they expected the older children to deal with it

The older child doesn't have to "deal with it" though - they know where their parent is, and most houses are large enough that an incident needing an adult would be missed.

Of course there is always risk, but it's really small. The benefits of encouraging independence are bigger, as long as the oldest child isn't feeling put upon. In our dynamic the oldest positively LOVED the responsibility and trust (and chance to lord it by choosing the TV channels!)