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AIBU?

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Original poster

Kids entertaining themselves whilst I sleep

189 replies

Kerlassic · 26/04/2020 15:35

This is fine isn’t it?

Kids 4 and 8, get on well. On a Sunday DH has his lie in. Children get up at 7, come in for a cuddle then head downstairs, I go into guest bedroom and leave the door open so I can hear them and leave DH in bed with the door closed. I leave out a brioche and banana each the night before and cups. Eldest pours milk for them both and they eat brek and play/watch TV until I come down about 9. I only doze and am listening out for them. They know they can get me if they need to.

Can anyone see a problem with this?

OP posts:
Sally872 · 26/04/2020 18:58

what would happen if they climbed on some furniture and it tipped over

Same thing as would happen if it happened when you were in the shower, in the kitchen, making dinner, in the other room making a phone call or out of the room for any other reason. You hear a thump, or crying and run in. And if your child is known for being a climber probably not the best idea to leave them but if unlikely then it is just an accident.

How much supervising is the 8 year old doing? In my mind none. They are there and playing with or along side but not responsible for them. Running in to tell a tale if one does something stupid, and probably equally likely the 4 year old would be the one telling on the 8 year old in my opinion.

Do people honestly stay in the same room as a 4 year old all the time? What age is it acceptable to leave them?? I understand some children wont be trusted to be sensible but surely many can?

OP, my only objection would be if DH has to get up on his turn for a lie in as he cant relax knowing you are asleep. If agreement is one lie in each then not really fair. But if both parents happy no reason not to.

Shmithecat2 · 26/04/2020 18:59

I let my 4yo ds go downstairs before me in the mornings, have done since he was about 3. No harm done.

BrummyMum1 · 26/04/2020 19:22

I would not let a 4 year old and an 8 year old eat alone unless both knew exactly what choking looked like and how to act promptly. I know a lot of parents let their 4 year old eat alone in front of the tv while they’re in another room doing chores but choking is silent and in 3 minutes things go horribly wrong. That’s why I wouldn’t.

triedandtestedteacher · 26/04/2020 19:29

My dd gets up at 6 am. She doesn't go downstairs but she watches iPad in bed until I get up at 8. I don't think I'd be happy with a 4 year old downstairs for that length of time

Pentium85 · 26/04/2020 19:33

I don't see a huge problem, all dependent on your own child

lavenderlove · 26/04/2020 19:37

You know your children and if they are just watching tv etc it's absolutely fine IMO, be different if you thought they might go outside or try to make more food etc. I do almost the same thing but my ds sits in my bedroom on his Nintendo or watches tv for a little while.

moveandmove · 26/04/2020 19:38

For those saying what about when you leave them while you go for a poo or whatever, I think that's a totally different situation. A poo (for example) only takes a few minutes and is pretty essential. Op is leaving them for 2 hours for a non essential reason.
I wouldn't do it (as I'm terrified of children choking), especially as the op gets a lay in already on the Saturday.

HugeAckmansWife · 26/04/2020 19:54

Something could always happen. A lone parent could trip down the stairs and be knocked out cold in sole charge of her small children / baby. There seems to be an idea that if you COULD physically be more present you MUST be, just in case. Otherwise it's lazy or negligence. It's bonkers. Part of parenting is assessing risk and at appropriate points you have to let go a bit taking calculated 'risks'. Once in a tiny tiny sliver of a blue moon something does go wrong but you simply cannot raise capable adults by cocoining them as children. I was married to one such. He's utterly useless with anything practical, has no common sense or problem solving abilities. His mum wouldn't let him use any kind of knife other than a usual dinner knife til age 12. No chopping veg or fruit, no boiling a kettle etc. He is genuinely an incompetent adult. Not only an unattractive quality but one that cost us dearly on occasion when he fucked things up. The OPs example is a perfect one of a calculated 'risk'.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 26/04/2020 20:20

I think it's fine! It's no different to you going to have a bath (especially for a single parent who doesn't have someone to watch the kids when they take a bath etc). As long as you're awake enough to be aware of any unusual noises and they behave I don't think it's a problem. I also think it's good for them to have a bit of independence and responsibility.

Celerysam · 26/04/2020 20:57

Just go to bed earlier? 9 is quite late in the day to be getting up at the best of times but definitely with small children.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 26/04/2020 20:59

Our 6 year old gets up and watches tv and gets a snack if gets up really early I.e before 7! He'll shout if he needs anything but if hes content I'll get an extra half hour snooze

Herpesfreesince03 · 26/04/2020 21:04

Lazy imo. If it were me and something had happened to one of them because I couldn’t be arsed to get up with them, I’d never forgive myself. A four year old shouldn’t be left unsupervised for hours. And an 8 year old shouldn’t be supervising a four year old. It doesn’t matter if your bedroom door is open. If you’re asleep you’re not going to be aware of what’s going on

olympicsrock · 26/04/2020 21:06

It’s fine. I do the same with mine who are the same age. 8 year old is particularly sensible. They watch tv in pjs and can get us if any problems

Crikey0000 · 26/04/2020 21:13

It's absolutely fine, promotes independence, it's a win win IMO. Mine have been getting their own weekend breakfasts for years. They love it. They also love it when I get up and make pancakes or a cooked breakfast. Whatever works for your household.

Nameynameychangey1234555554544 · 26/04/2020 21:13

I would if i didn't have to get up for DS who is disabled and can't be left unsupervised.

DD1 is 8 and DD2 is 5 and they never get on better than when DS has a lie in and they are left to get up together. on the rare occasion DS is still asleep when the girls wake DD1 will make herself and her sister a bowl of cereal and they will sit in the living room and watch the tablet.

This is usually about 6-6.30 and i never get up later than 7. But then both DDs are quite responsible, and I am a light sleeper.

Badgerstmary · 26/04/2020 21:20

To leave a 4 yr eating with only an 8 yr old in the room who is watching TV? Absolutely not, it’s just not worth the risk. As a lot of other people have said, choking is often silent!!!

Dutchesss · 26/04/2020 21:27

It's fine, no one is helicoptering around a 4 year old 24/7 and I'm sure you'd wake if there was a cry or anything that required you. As long as they can come and get you if needed it's not much different to doing chores in another room.

Nameandgamechange123 · 26/04/2020 21:51

Unlike what some others think, I think it's great to give your 8 year old that responsibility. Nice for both kids actually and great that you actually manage to get some rest!

Cremebrule · 26/04/2020 21:52

My 3 nearly 4 year old would be absolutely fine with this. We don’t do it though we have a baby who clearly needs supervising and tends to be up before the eldest. If the second one was like my eldest then it would be something we’d consider at those sort of ages. It sounds lovely!

UndertheCedartree · 26/04/2020 21:53

No problem. Lots of kids are having to fend for themselves at the moment anyway if their single parent is unwell with Covid. Mine are.

ChaBishkoot · 26/04/2020 21:57

Mumsnet is so funny. Baby under 6 months being moved to their own room- everyone jumps in to say ‘it’s fine, SIDS risk is tiny, these are all new guidelines’ blah blah.
4 year old with an older sibling- what if they choke, get trapped under furniture. Oh my god, the hand wringing!

QWeRTY12340 · 26/04/2020 21:59

I see no issue with it. I went downstairs with my sibling from 4 onwards and we lived to tell the tale. People need to relax a bit.. its the downstairs of their house with both parents at home, and you obviously know your children and whether they will misbehave wile you are upstairs

AnPo · 26/04/2020 22:02

We did this as children but definitely not from four! That's too young IMO. If you had a 7&8yo then no problem obviously but four is still tiny, particularly being left to eat - I would be very worried about choking. Can you get up while they eat and when they're settled in front of the tv go back to chill in the bed?

I have an almost 4yo and a 2.5yo and the only time I've ever done this is when I had my worst ever migraine. I've had many a migraine when I've had to get on with looking after them, but this one was so severe I could barely move from the bed and kept vomiting.

DH was working two hours away and we have no family nearby so I put on the TV in the living room and dozed in and out for a couple of hours. But we live in a bungalow so they were up and down to me regularly. In normal circumstances I'd never be able to relax even though they're good children, it's not worth the risk.

Fespital · 26/04/2020 22:05

My 4 year old is super independent and my (just turned) 7 year old is super sensible so I can see it being perfectly possible.

My 4 year old makes her and her sister's lunch with me every day and my 7 year old can reach everything necessary. Perfect duo!

12stepCAKE · 26/04/2020 22:10

We do this 5 and 7
Sometimes 3 year old joins them but if she's up I'm normally up