Some people enjoy patronising and depressing others

[Esprohuy]

Clearly everyone is having a different experience of the current situation. It seems to me from the posts here and elsewhere that MN is full of people searching for threads from people either asking genuinely when others think the restrictions may be reduced, or people expressing mental or emotional.distress due to being locked away, sometimes alone. The pattern is the OP posts, there are a couple of sympathetic/in the case of lockdown speculation dovish opinions then the Depressor swoops, usually with a formulation along the lines of:
If you think these restrictions will be lifted anytime soon you are a naïve fool. Christmas will be cancelled and things will never fully return to normal

In the threads expressing mental distress their standard formulation is a variety of:
FFS pull yourselves together. It's been (insert number) weeks, how the F do you think people coped in the war the. All you are being asked to do is stay in and watch Netflix

There seems to be a remarkably large number of people among this cohort who claim grandparental involvement in WW1/2 and have a partner/sibling serving as a front line NHS worker. These depressors seem to scour MN looking to pounce on people expressing povs like the above.

There is a middle ground and I think its healthy to try to reach it

I completely agree and I dont think anyone is saying people cant feel scared or worried or express concerns. We all do that. I dont mind people disagreeing with me either- thats how discussions happen. If you never had two sides to an argument, you could never engage in debate.

What we are referring to is people who actively enjoy cutting others down, trying to point out the worst case scenario despite a lack of evidence for it (therefore- not middle ground at all), calling people vile names ("murderer") castigating people for not being miserable enough in lockdown, scolding people for not obeying the rules they've randomly made up in their head etc.

Classic examples of dementor behaviour here:

@BogRollBOGOF
AIBU Should I go non-contact with my mother? She's always ignored my boundaries and now she's given my toddler a cup of Dettol to drink so she doesn't catch Coronavirus.
98% YANBU
Dementor: How dare you, one day your mother will be DEAD and then you'll MISS her. I'd LOVE my mother to be alive to give my toddler a WHOLE BOTTLE of Dettol

and

@BirdieFriendReturns
Some of them actually went people to ask permission before going shopping! I had to go to the supermarket twice in one day as my period started unexpectedly. Somebody told me I was selfish and I should make my own pads from an old bed sheet

You can always pot a dementor- they spout poison like the above

spot not pot lol

People are miserable and want others to be miserable. I hold my hands up and say I can get like this when I'm depressed.

But sometimes I'm also just frustrated that people are so upset and anxious about a situation that has so often been my life. It makes me feel worthless and like my life is pathetic to others. So I definitely feel sometimes like they are moaning over nothing because I've had times when I didn't leave the house for months. (Not like that these days, thank God).

And finally, all the "be positive" crap grinds me down. So sometimes I just want a bit of reality and directness.

I don't post anything like that, it's just how I think.

And honestly, it takes all sorts. Just because you find someone to be a joy sucker, someone else might find them refreshingly direct. I'd rather see "this is going to be fucked up for a long time" then "be kind! Let's bake some spelt bread!"

And that's fine. It is fine to not all be the same.

You shouldn't be leaving the house. You shouldn't be having takeaways. You most definitely shouldn't be exercising. You absolutely shouldn't be enjoying yourself

And don’t even think about eating a Curly Wurly.

Loads of people on MN are 'certain' they will die if they get the virus. Even the most at risk groups have around a 90% chance of survival so death is hardly a foregone conclusion but when I tried to reassure someone about this it got nasty... Apparently they will definitely die and their Dr has confirmed this

Also when I said the hospital I work in isn't currently busy I was accused of being a government plant that was posting on MN to try and end lockdown

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter ah I see. I was wondering if I was seen to be a dementor for asking people who were expecting to fly to Spain in June if they were on glue...hopefully that's realistic not dementorish....

NurseJaques yes I saw someone who said they have mild asthma for which they haven’t needed an inhaler for years say ‘I probably wont survive this’.
I get that it’s worrying, and stressful, and shit. But some people just want to tear others down for absolutely no reason other than that they want other people to be an miserable as they are.

@Tonemeth

Youre ok! the difference to me would be:

Q: AIBU to still want to fly to Spain in June?

Dementor: "you disgust me, you dont deserve to live and I hope you catch covid and die a horrible death for even thinking about leaving your house before the year 2023 because you clearly want others to DIE. Flights wont start again until at least the year 3000. My brother is on the front-line risking his life for people like you and he hasn't slept in the last year or eaten anything since January 23rd because he's too busy keeping people alive that you are killing by buying unnecessary curly wurlies! I hope you're pleased with the horrific death toll you've personally caused by asking on an internet forum about flights!"

A lot of it's in tone as much as content. As I said, if you think that people who see the numbers as going the right way are wrong because they're not considering X, Y, Z then that's a legitimate and useful point to make. It's when you sound delighted that the ray of hope turned out to be false that you're a Dementor. Similarly, posting on a thread about flying in June saying 'I don't think those flights will go ahead and I'd be cautious of booking them because I don't know if insurance will pay out' - fine and useful. Saying 'are you on glue?' isn't useful, it's just taking pleasure in making other people feel stupid for thinking they might have something nice to look forward to.

People saying they will certainly die are panicking. And it's understandable. No one is telling us our individual chances and we are getting terrifying letters from the government. So please dont judge people for that. Percentages are great when you're fall on the positive side, but no one knows that.

I'm taking no pleasure in making people feel stupid. I just despair of some of the shit people come out with. On further investigation it became clear the flights are running basically for fruit pickers.

It just seems a lot of posters lack critical thinking skills on here. And it's exasperating!

@Tonemeth

Yes, but the context is more

Poster 'I will die'

Me 'it must be horrible to feel like that, I'm working with covid patients, lots of positive recoveries, please remember that even for at risk groups the chance of recover is good'

Poster 'how dare you! You haven't seen my medial records, I'm dying, you're an idiot, you're probably not even a nurse, how dare you suggest I might live'

Me 'ermm, ok'

Can I make a humble suggestion?

What with us being in lockdown and giving NHS workers the clap every Thursday night, I've had a brainwave.

You know how all sports have been cancelled? Why don't we use those arenas for public executions for miscreants who take their dog for a wee or dither in the isles [sic] at Tesco?

The idea was pioneered by the plucky chaps in the Taliban and Isis, but we could expand on it by making it pay-per-view. We'd easily make more money than Captain Tom and his zimmer frame.

We could hang them from cranes - there are a lot of big building sites near me that have been shut down. There are also a lot of tall buildings that we could push people off. If you live in a bunglalow area you could improvise with basements or shallow graves in gardens.

What say you?

I think sometimes people like to feel superior to others... cleverer, better informed, more well read. And in some cases they probably are. But shitting all over someone who is just looking for a glimmer of hope in an awful situation is, IMO, pretty crap.

I'm taking no pleasure in making people feel stupid. I just despair of some of the shit people come out with. On further investigation it became clear the flights are running basically for fruit pickers.

It just seems a lot of posters lack critical thinking skills on here. And it's exasperating!

Well, you clearly do think you're much cleverer than everyone else, whether or not you feel you enjoy it?

The thing is, we all think we're right - of course we think our opinion is right, that's why I hold it. Personally, it's the 'we're going to lockdown until 2021 and if you think otherwise it's because you don't care about vulnerable people' who I find frustratingly simplistic in their thinking, but that's because I think they're wrong!

No, I don't. But there are posters who dont grasp basic facts. If I say something that's wrong I get called out on it and move on. If I disagree I say so or do some basic fact checking.

Some of the stuff batting about on here right now is batshit...

Haagen Dazs - caramel collection ice cream- you may as well change your name to Adolf and grow a moustache because you're totally Hitler or some other mass murdering genocidal dictator

This made me really LOL - so true!

There's always been a competitive element of extremes to MN. The famous MN chicken is a great example.

You have one crowd who are super-uptight. If you are't living off the scrapings from your freezer and those random sad little peas that escape and get stuck to the side, then you are an OAP-murderer and single-handedly responsible for the death rate.

You then have the other crowd who are too cool for school and think that everyone is being needlessly anal, and that there is nothing wrong with accidentally coughing all over someone as we all need to catch it anyway.

Then the rest fall somewhere in the middle - as has always been the case.

I find the psychology of The Dementors (love this, btw!) quite fascinating. Sad and frustrating, but fascinating all the same.

I’m not a psychologist but I suspect there’s several elements at play - they’re naturally miserable or angry people and they don’t see why others’ lives shouldn’t be as negative as their own. Why should others enjoy themselves when they are unhappy?

They’re scared and in desperate need of control, so they achieve that but “controlling” others - policing whether Mildred at 72 went out twice this week makes them feel like they’re doing something about a situation that, in reality, they can’t control. There’s almost a Puritan aspect; as if some how we can appease the virus out of piety.

They’re in a situation where they really need the lockdown to end soon - they own a business that they’re desperate to be able to reopen, for example. Shouting at everyone to “STAY HOME FFS” comes from fear and it being their way of, again, feeling like they’re doing something to control their future.

Or they genuinely feel they are helping - I had (we have fallen out over this issue) a friend who was sharing scary stats and memes with “WE NEED TO ACT NOW!!” captions. I asked her (and I’m paraphrasing here, I didn’t put it quite like this) what good she thought scaring people and damaging their mental health would do. Her answer was that we are all going to be scarred by death and mental health problems by this, so we need to know what was coming. I dare say she meant well but was ironically oblivious to the harm she was causing.

Or they’re just arseholes

And there is also a sub-category of criticising anyone that demonstrates anything other than blitz-style sleeve-rolling zeal for embracing lockdown.

Poster: I know IABU but I need to vent as I am really irritable and just need to let off a bit of steam because everything is annoying me right now including

Selected MNers: YABU! How dare you be so entitled? Don't you know that person could be an NHS worker that's just finished a million-hour shift where they saved 3487387545 covid patients with their bare hands etc.

@FallonSwift

those random sad little peas that escape and get stuck to the side

I’m glad it’s not just me that has these, I find them in the permafrost when I eventually get round to defrosting the freezer, like Otzi the Iceman

The health editor of the New York Times, surely a candidate for Dementor in Chief, said that he fully expected it was possible he wouldn't see his Summer-due grandchild until they were one or perhaps 2. This , so far, is the most extreme Dementoring I have come across. I wonder what else others would nominate?

There’s almost a Puritan aspect; as if some how we can appease the virus out of piety

This is the crux of a lot of what I see. The idea that unless you are existing in abject misery, the lockdown wont work! The virus knows when we arent totally miserable and it will mutate quicker and spread quicker if we express any form of positivity. Smiling at someone is pretty much akin to shooting them with a gun!

I cant understand where this comes from because its a very old fashioned Victorian concept along the lines of being "punished" for having fun or indulging in anything that isnt worthy or noble or yeah, pious!

YANBU, the whole thing has brought out exactly who some people are, and it’s not pleasant. Patronising, tell-tales, ableist, fat shamers to name but a few.

The NYT is such a sad rag these days.

The health editor of the New York Times, surely a candidate for Dementor in Chief, said that he fully expected it was possible he wouldn't see his Summer-due grandchild until they were one or perhaps 2. This , so far, is the most extreme Dementoring I have come across. I wonder what else others would nominate?

Seriously?