Some people enjoy patronising and depressing others

[Esprohuy]

Clearly everyone is having a different experience of the current situation. It seems to me from the posts here and elsewhere that MN is full of people searching for threads from people either asking genuinely when others think the restrictions may be reduced, or people expressing mental or emotional.distress due to being locked away, sometimes alone. The pattern is the OP posts, there are a couple of sympathetic/in the case of lockdown speculation dovish opinions then the Depressor swoops, usually with a formulation along the lines of:
If you think these restrictions will be lifted anytime soon you are a naïve fool. Christmas will be cancelled and things will never fully return to normal

In the threads expressing mental distress their standard formulation is a variety of:
FFS pull yourselves together. It's been (insert number) weeks, how the F do you think people coped in the war the. All you are being asked to do is stay in and watch Netflix

There seems to be a remarkably large number of people among this cohort who claim grandparental involvement in WW1/2 and have a partner/sibling serving as a front line NHS worker. These depressors seem to scour MN looking to pounce on people expressing povs like the above.

I’ve also seen a few times stuff like “if you’re enjoying lockdown, you’re not doing it properly” or “if your life hasn’t changed much, you’re flouting the rules”

Like we’re all supposed to be miserable and making life as difficult for ourselves as we possibly can or we can’t possibly be following the rules

Oh yes if you are slightly cheerful and not sobbing in to your gruel every day then you want everyone to die.

I'm a miserable git myself, but I can't be arsed curtain twitching. I'd rather make the lockdown bearable for myself and others. It's normal to miss things like holidays. A friend and I were saying earlier how much we miss going to gigs.

That’s the thing PhilSwagielka, I’m no beacon of positivity either. Just don’t feel the need to bring everyone else down with me .

I posted this on another thread earlier, that I think most people are struggling a bit because they have nothing that they can do (from their usual lives) and it's just a very weird situation for everybody.. and really unbearable for those who've lost people they love, or are at risk of it. It's a really shit situation.

That's why I've got little patience for dementors, I don't understand their mentality of wanting everybody else to suffer the anxieties that the do, I would have thought they'd seek out threads which are hopeful. As OrangeBlossom78 says, we need that. We really do.

I think people just need to feel what they're feeling, not be judged or it or told not to feel it. That way therapy lies. Squashing feelings down is really unhealthy. I feel very low at times and feeling guilty for that on top would just be overwhelming.

Not sure why this need to monitor or tell people what they should be feeling or not feeling. What does it matter to anyone else?

Yes it is all out of control, and it's hard to deal with that at times, for everyone isn't it. There's that saying "We can't control things which happen but we can control how we respond to it"

So even if anxious or scared we can feel those feelings but our actions are a choice, we don't need to then put those on to others to make ourselves feel better, we all have a choice to how we respond.

I think it’s lack of control that’s sending a lot of people a bit doolally. That and having nothing to look forward to. Having to cancel holidays and celebrations with no end in sight is wearing.

I'm really struggling with these threads.

I can't be bothered with the constant posts where all the poster wants is for everybody else to be scared shitless and to never ever even consider venturing out, and for crowing "this is your new normal, you'll never ever will go to pub again and forget about sending you child to school, unless you want them to die!" and with the One Nurse Said links.

I'm quite robust myself, I can make a rhino look thin-skinned, but even I'm getting fed up with this.

It's getting me down too. We all have the lack of control, every single one of us. It's not an excuse for trying to monitor and control other's behaviour and feelings.

Also these people also seem to have no money worries- on pensions etc or own property and seem a bit out of touch with the real world at times...all very well if you are in that position I guess. But to delight in it is a bit odd.

There was an interesting article in the Guardian at the weekend, where they'd asked people to share their 'lockdown diaries' and had briefly summarised some of the findings. One was that for some retired people who are homebodies and do not travel or do hobbies, lockdown didn't present a huge change to their usual lives. And that those people were generally finding lockdown less onerous.

I guess, as above, we can't control them doing this, all we can control is our reaction e.g. not looking at it / disengaging with it I suppose.

One thing I don't understand is when someone says "it will be as long as it takes and we have to stay in lockdown until a vaccine is found" and I think, FFS, how?

I can't afford to, I have to go out and earn some money, scared or not.

How can so many people just afford to stay in as long as it takes? And why do they think they can impose this on others?

Definitely a lack of control.

I do try to put myself in other people's shoes. For example... if it was killing 14% of healthy children and it was rife in my area then, yes, maybe I would be disinfecting my post (probably burning it) or welding my door shut for 18 months, because I have two healthy children. Money? I like to think I'd be a cam girl or pick fruit in my non-existent garden so I could go until 2025.

But I would hope that I'd be concentrating on what I can actually control, you know?

Rather than trying to scare / guilt / bully people into complying with imaginary rules and anecdotal stories that don't actually translate to the statistical data.

And getting ever more angry that people are taking any sort of risk even if it's a perfectly allowable one.

The footballers thread / news is a good example of this. There is actually an exception in social distancing rules that allows it at a workplace if it cannot be helped (I have several friends still working, some essential but some completely not essential and no social distancing taking place).

So legally speaking it is actually acceptable to start football back up, as long as everyone in the stadium is working.

However I understand it doesn't fit in with the spirit of nobody ever catching this virus ever.

But if that is actually what the scientists and experts and government really wanted then why would they have made all these exceptions

Dementors get irrationally annoyed with people not following STAY HOME, but the legislation doesn't follow the soundbite.

I think there is something about peoples unwillingness or maybe inability to make their own risk assessment and to trust others to make their and to actually accept that there is no such thing as a completely risk free life.

Is this inability something that we have come to develop because we need to be told what to do and what not to? I would tend to blame the nanny state and the sweeping heath and safety culture, but I might be wrong.

I don't understand their mentality of wanting everybody else to suffer the anxieties that the do,

Some have a complete lack of awareness and self awareness. I have seen them berate other Mnetters for posting on a thread, thereby moving it back to Active. Seemingly unaware of the irony of doing exactly the same thing themselves.

It's not just on MN. Patronising and depressing people are everywhere. My MH nurse for instance poured scorn when I told her I'd been trying to learn to day trade via YouTube videos (watched young Edz on YouTube flip £150 to £150,000 on Forex.....it's a long story he did it but lost about £1,000 trying). When/if she calls me again I can day my Barclays shares have gone up about 3-4 pips now!

I think we should be teaching kids critical thinking and risk assessment in schools. Challenge the logic of ovine rule compliance with dementors and they have no answers - or at least no convincing ones.

Mine have been out of school for quite a long time, so I really don't what they them now, it it seems there's is not enough of just common sense and risk assessment/taking going on.

What worries me is also what's going to happen with all these children staying home with parents who are scared to even go out.

I know of families who haven't been out at all for weeks. Dad goes to
hunt shop and the rest of family stays in. For weeks. What are you teaching them?

Absolutely agree about teaching children critical thinking although it’s hard enough for adults to do and stand aside from the crowd.

You see it all the time on social media and smaller forums, the pile ons and targeting of anyone standing up to the dementors.

DioneTheDiabolist, Yes, definitely, I've done it myself - and kicked myself afterwards. I often feel like posting, "Ignore that, I didn't want to bump the thread again"... on said thread.

I don't always pick up what others see as red flags in a post, I'd be an absolutely rubbish troll-hunter but that lack of 'flicker' means that sometimes I give more credence to somebody who's actually being a goady fucker, thinking that they're really struggling with anxiety (which they're obviously not). I have very few of those there spidey-senses that other people are blessed with.

The thing is if you do go out it can make you feel so much better. I think staying in looking at stuff makes you have a skewed perspective in a way, just seeing stuff online.

Just got back from local shop and the man behind me in the queue gave me such a kind understanding kind of smile as I faffed over getting my card and bag at the till. And the checkout guy was so kind too wishing me a good rest of my day. They guy on the door patiently dealing with a local alcoholic who was making a fuss at the entrance.

You don't see this stuff staying in. People just getting on and dealing with it as best they can.

This is my kind of thread.

Anyone seen the latest 'AIBU to be ashamed to be British?'

FFS.

You'd swear every other government on earth was managing this flawlessy, and that ever other public was adhering scrupulously to the guidelines - except for Britain. There was a poster who lives in Italy saying that Italians keep going on about how badly Britain has handled this. I get that they're bored after nearly 2 months of lock-down, but wouldn't Italians be better off complaining about the many mistakes make by their own authorities?

In fact I doubt Italians are giving more than a moment's thought to Britain. From what I can see, in Italy, Spain, Ireland, America wherever, you hear the same complaints - more should have been done, shortages of PPE, people 'flouting' the guidelines etc. It's a strange sort of notion - not just on MN but in Britain in general - that everywhere else is wonderful and only Britain has problems. Odd.

I haven’t seen it IcedPurple but I know it would piss me off . I have a close friend in France (I used to live there) who is posting daily rants about how badly their government have handled the outbreak. DH is spanish, his family still live there (I also used to live there) and our friends and family there are moaning about shortages of PPE, not locking down quick enough, the exit strategy, people not adhering to lockdown... the same things that are being moaned about here. For the most part they couldn’t give a shiny shit about what our government are or aren’t doing.

Maybe best do a kind od mindfulness with it all. See it, observe it, let it go