If you're a teacher Aibu to ask for your funniest story about a student

[cultkid]

There's so many posts from teachers who are just on their knees and it's so terribly sad
I see you I hear you and I am sorry

I don't have kids in school yet. My son will start in September if things go to plan

I was just talking about passing notes at school and my husband and I were cracking up

Any stories of weird notes, experiences or things that make you laugh and think I do love my job

LIGHTHEARTED ONLY

Not a teacher – this was my friend’s experience of a Latin class when we were teenagers. It helps if you know your Latin grammar, but was as witty a comeback as I’ve ever heard.

Teacher: Now don’t forget, “sex” [Latin word for the number six] doesn’t decline.
16-year-old boy: On the contrary, it flourishes.

Jumping in on this one teaching assistant here. My funniest was a student who (we were doing a project on the ancient greeks) spelt ancient as a c u n t

Sorry I haven't come back I have some stories from school I'm not a teacher but I'll share some
Going to read these now I didn't realise anyone had replied 😱

I can’t for the life of me remember why I was in there, but I was sitting in a colleagues year 11 French class when an upset year 7 from her form was sent to ask her for a report card because he’d been fighting.

“What happened?” She asked, trying to calm him down.

“I don’t know miss, it was just a big gangbang!”

Her normally fairly sensible year 11 class lost it while he stood there looking completely baffled.

A long time ago... I had year 9 on my teaching practice and two of them were arguing over a VHS cassette. Snatching it off each other and each claiming it as their own. They were so focused on each other that it was pretty easy for me to take the tape. When I then asked them to tell me honestly whose tape it was they pointed at each other. One had pinched his dad's porn and was lending it around the class. I've often wondered exactly what the HoY did with the tape.

When I taught Reception, I always used to have a parents meeting around the 3rd or 4th week into term in Sept / Oct - so the parents got to know my face and we could have all those conversation like {Parent} "How's she getting on with her glasses?" {Me} "What glasses?", and as part of that talk, I would always tell them that I would make a pact with them - that I would promise not to believe, or at least not take at face value everything they told me about home, and I'd ask them to do the same about what they reported we said and did at school. .
Sorry, not a funny story, but good advice to any teacher starting out new in KS1 or Foundation.

@Justajot did you file a safeguarding report

@drownininplaymobil I have not been able to breathe for laughing so much at that! DH has been going “What? What? Tell me!”

Cover lesson, year 10, wandering round, see boy:

Me: Are those school uniform?
Him: Dunno
Me: Nike trainers?
Him: What?
Me: Your trainers.
Him: S'not 'Nikee.' It's 'Nyk.'
Me: No it isn't. It's naɪki. She was the Athenian goddess of victory. An inspiration to athletes at the ancient Olympics.
Him: No it weren't!
Me: Yes she was. So it's naɪki.
Him: Aint. It's 'Nyk.' My dad says.

My ex husband was my daughter's headteacher at a small primary school.
One morning in the run up to Christmas he was leading the whole school assembly.
Ex "I'm thinking of a special word to do with Christmas that begins with N.
Anyone know the special word?
Cue 6 yr old daughter frantically waving her hand.
"Yes,***?
Daughter, "knackered. "
He was absolutely mortified especially as she had spelt it wrong!

One where the teacher played the joke. Our school chaplain was retiring, it was the classes last day in school, their last lesson.....he tried to persevere with their R.S. lesson, but they had decided, as they had nothing to lose, to run a sweepstake, first one to be chucked out of the classroom would sweep the board.
They weren't bad lads at heart, so their disruptive behaviour was not outrageously awful, but their tried their level best to cause mayhem.
The chaplain bore it all patiently, until the final bell rang.
Then he turned to the boys and announced, "Gentlemen, that concludes your final lesson at this school. And I claim the kitty."
Nobody knows how he got wind of it, but the class decided it was a fair cop, and paid up.

One of my children in nursery brough a Disney film in to watch in the run up to Christmas. We popped it in with 28 kids aged 3-5 watching...cue a screen full of very naked, very erect men 😳😳😳😳 we fell over ourselves running to the video player and that day implemented a new rule of films purchased by the nursery only 😂 We let the nursery maa dad anger return the video to the parent that evening!

*manager

I had a group of year 6s and we were talking about Shakespeare, and the authorship question came up. After the idea that maybe he had help from another playwright was floated, one girl in the front of the class just rolled her eyes and went "Um, no." Glad she could clear that up for us I'm not a classroom teacher but I work with students. Love reading all these stories, I miss my student groups.

A friend of mine was reaching a primary class about internet safety and stranger danger. One small boy put his hand up.

“Miss, Jesus said we should always talk to strangers”.

“Yes, Johnny, but Jesus was accompanied at all times by a responsible adult”.

I love this thread

@pinkrocker you either taught my child or teachers are regularly put through this. I remember seeing the photos on FB it was so funny.

One from my class of Year Ones a few year back:
We were discussing weddings and celebrations.

ME: “What do you call a lady who is getting married?”
Child: “PREGNANT!”

Oh we laughed in the staffroom for ages after that!

‘I think I know where they are, they are under mummies bed next to her plastic willy

Lord better hide mine better !!!!