If you're a teacher Aibu to ask for your funniest story about a student

[cultkid]

There's so many posts from teachers who are just on their knees and it's so terribly sad
I see you I hear you and I am sorry

I don't have kids in school yet. My son will start in September if things go to plan

I was just talking about passing notes at school and my husband and I were cracking up

Any stories of weird notes, experiences or things that make you laugh and think I do love my job

LIGHTHEARTED ONLY

I used to teach In the prison service and once did a warmup activity where the men had to write ten body parts that have only 3 letters (eg gum, Rib, eye). One said "Arsehole , miss' - I said how on earth do you think you could spell that with 3 letters? To which he replied ....R,....S....O....

Also another student who said 'I hate coffee miss, it smells like teacher's breath"

@MrsZola

I can think of soooo many REceptionn age dc who would have done that

Talking in circle time with yr 1/2 about things you could do if you were worried or upset when one little boy said" you sit in the bath with wine like mummy does".

DS’ s teacher told me that when the yr 1 class had been asked to name a bitter taste DS had answered ‘ear wax’. At home I asked him how he knew this and luckily it was from operation ouch.

I’ve got a few from teaching secondary humanities, my favourite was the sweet little year 7 who wrote in her homework “the Romans made a film called The Life of Brian, which people still watch today”. Same kid also wore the exact same outfit as me on non uniform day (skinny jeans, converse, leather jacket and the same friends t shirt)

Another time I was doing a sex Ed lesson and they had to do a talk show style role play about a teenage girl who was pregnant and I said “how might she be feeling, put yourself in her position” to which the class clown replied “what? You want us to get on all fours?”

Same school, year 10 wrote to the head and put him on attendance report, every year he taught one (top set - obviously) GCSE class but he had so many meetings and other stuff going on he frequently requested cover for their lessons. It was a nice idea but GCSE clearly wasn’t the year to do this with and possibly if he’d spent more time being a head teacher he wouldn’t have sat us in a meeting after ofsted had left and told us he was “fucking pissed off” with us all.

A couple of weeks before the last general election, I was teaching a lovely Year 9 class about the 1933 election in Germany. My classroom door was open and we had just started to talk about our own upcoming election when a Year 11 girl shot out of the room next door, yelled "wanker" in the direction of her class and slammed their classroom door before disappearing off down the corridor.

My lovelies settled down quickly and I asked "what can we expect to see in the lead up to the election?". One of the boys gestured towards the door and said "probably more of that, Miss"

Another one, a few years ago I was doing a hot air balloon debate about the key figures in medicine through time in a revision lesson with Year 11. They had to explain the significance of 'their' person in order to stop him being the one 'thrown out of the balloon' . We were down to Pasteur, Koch (pronounced 'cock') and Bevan and it was getting quite heated when one of the boys stood up, banged his fist on the desk and shouted "I'm up for Koch!". I seem to remember we ended the game there.

I used to be a high school teacher many years ago. One memorable winter time, before morning reg, a group (I'm guessing) drew a huge penis in the snow the entire size of the front field. It must have taken so much coordination! It was perfect. I taught on the top floor so we had a full view.

Another time 2 year 10 boys had taken copious amounts of speed/coke before my class. I'd suspected something was up due to their weird giggles and twitching, and called for senior staff to escort them out, but the group of deputy heads were notorious at never showing up to back us up. The boys knew they'd be getting removed and didn't care, they moved into a space between the desks and started doing a push up competition and the rest of the class keeping count. I just let them do it figuring it was better to let them burn some of their energy off rather than sending them out and them doing anything more dangerous. I like how that was the most controversial thing in their minds to do!

Reading a picture book as a parent helper in which a magic trick went wrong and the parrot lost all its feathers .

“Help” said the parrot “Help , I am knackered “

Long pause as child realised that he had said a rude word ...was he going to get into trouble ? I tried to keep a straight face .
“ Naked “ I suggested .

But both words worked equally as well as the other though !

Talking about the changes during puberty to a group of year 6 girls, one asked if women get hairy boobs as well as boys getting hairy chests

Why even mention 'it's outing '? 🙄😡

This is such a lovely thread apart from the one negative poster. Go away. We're having a nice time.

This is a long one but honestly when my friend told me I cried with laughter.
My friend is a teacher and works with the early years 4/5 year olds. This was a few years back.
Every morning after the register was taken everyone could share if they had any news. A little girl sweetly put her hand up and announced she was so happy as her Daddy was coming to pick her up with her mummy today from school as he wasn’t at work. My friend smiled at her and before she could say anything about how lovely etc the little girl carried on with ‘because Daddy has a sore willy and can’t go to work’ All my friend said she could manage was a ‘oh’ as her teacher assistant sat their grinning!
A little boy next to her then asked why the little girls Daddy had a sore willy, before my friend could say anything to halt the conversation the little girl said back ‘he went to hospital and they cut it off so he can’t have kids any more, Daddy said it’s all mummy’s fault.’
Well apparently that started up roar between the children as some of the boys got upset at the thought of willys getting cut off! My friend managed to calm the situation and mumbled something about I’m sure that’s not exactly what happened to the little girl while assuring the boys that the little girls Daddy was fine.
Well at pick up time the little girl goes running out to her Mummy and Daddy and shouts mid run in front of other parents ‘Daddy I told everyone about your sore willy and how it had been cut off but Jack (not real name) didn’t believe me!’
Jack was a few feet away next to his mum saying ‘it’s not true is it mummy? Jills (not real name) Daddy does still have a willy doesn’t he?’
All the parents were just stood there staring at poor old Jills Dad who was as red as a tomato.
My friend closed the classroom door quietly and pulled the blind down to let them sort it out and then had a good laugh with her teacher assistant!

Poor sod!

I have loads but my funniest (and why I'm less keen to teach little ones) is when I was teaching five and six year olds for pe, my first or second lesson with children of that age. We had a good lesson and then all the children had to get changed. It always took a while so I said that I'd read a story on the carpet and the quicker they were the more of the story they could see - they were very excited and changed quickly. After a few minutes I had a number of children crowded around me listening to the story when one young boy shouted he needed help. He then walked over to me through the crowd so I could help.
I looked up from the book and was horrified to see he was completely naked and swinging his pants around on his finger as he weaved his way through the class. Bearing in mind they were sitting down - so eye level with his private parts! I quickly called (screeched) for my TA to intervene and continued on. She was absolutely wetting herself with laughter (mainly at how horrified I was).
I definitely prefer teaching the older children who are somewhat more modest when changing!

Oh I love all these I'm not a teacher but have a few from my student days, but don't want to derail the thread

In a nursery class several years ago the children were playing in the home corner in very gender typical roles with the girls looking after the baby etc one of the boys came over and picked up the baby and started putting it to bed only to be told he couldn't do that because daddies just sit there and read the paper.

I was teaching reception PE. And I had really bad PMT with super sore breasts. So everyone was lying on their front, including me and when I went to stretch as long as I could my boobs got squashed and it really hurt! So I said ooh loudly and lifted my hands like a wave! Cue 30 5 year olds saying ooh and lifting up there hands. When I demonstrated it at lunchtime in the staff room we were crying with laughter!
I have loads of things that children have said, I sometimes wonder how I keep a straight face!

Yr7 test paper on our staffroom wall for months.

Describe an adaptation in animals (2)

"Octopuses are very clever. They catch their prey with their 8 testicles"

Had lots of us in stitches imagining that one 🤣

I once had a 16 yea told boy come into lesson, looked really off. A mix of poorly and worried. I said ‘x what is wrong, has something happened’ and he said ‘well I’ve googled it and I think I have cervix cancer’ I nearly burst out laughing.

Once I had reassured him him didn’t actually have a cervix, and he explained he had belly ache and bloody wee, I called Him mum who took him to a dr where they diagnosed a kidney infection.

I'm a teacher too, but dh has the best story. He was teaching his Year 10 history class and was drawing a timeline on the board, showing major periods and events throughout history. When he'd finished, one boy put his hand up and asked "But sir, when did all the stuff in the Lord of the Rings happen?". Stunned silence, followed by hysterical laughter from dh and the rest of the class!

I taught science abroad on my gap year but the worst I can come up with is the child who kept writing "we think with our brians".

I was teaching Art at a private Catholic school.

The school had acquired a mannequin of a child to show parents how the uniform was properly put together. It was displayed at "Back to School Night" and then someone stored it somewhere.

One student came to see me as he had been absent and was missing a few assignments. I instructed him to pick up certain supplies from the art supply closet while I wrote out instructions. He trotted off.

About 30 seconds later I heard a blood-curdling shriek, "It's dead! It's dead!" My heart dropped and I dashed to the closet. The poor child was at the open door, pointing at something on the floor. I peered in. Lying on the floor was the fully dressed mannequin!

I was able to calm him and keep a straight face until he left. Then I just howled...

I was informed later that particular closet had always had a reputation for being haunted, Catholic school or not.

*@thenewaveragebear1983 *

My mother said once that a 1st grader looked her straight in the eye and said she had "dragon breath."

She took a bottle of mouthwash to school with her after that.

I will never forget the look of absolute horror on the face of a y10 boy who had just found out what a vasectomy was in my lesson about contraception. He really looked like he might throw up or cry, poor kid. He was cringing so hard i thought he might turn himself inside out