If you're a teacher Aibu to ask for your funniest story about a student

[cultkid]

There's so many posts from teachers who are just on their knees and it's so terribly sad
I see you I hear you and I am sorry

I don't have kids in school yet. My son will start in September if things go to plan

I was just talking about passing notes at school and my husband and I were cracking up

Any stories of weird notes, experiences or things that make you laugh and think I do love my job

LIGHTHEARTED ONLY

On my first teaching placement I thought it would be a good idea if I got the whole class of 6yr olds to make individual Leaning Towers Of Pisa out of clay. Absolutely hilarious. Won't do that again.

There was the time I was covering a Year 9 Art lesson where somebody thought it would be amusing to draw a picture of a cock from three different angles.

Yeah. I spent 10 minutes explaining to him how to improve his life drawing skills and noting the accuracy of his rendition of the frenulum where it met the glans and how shading could give the effect of the testicles having weight, not to mention that one generally hangs lower than the other, the distance tending to increase with age, whilst he died slowly and painfully and his mates pissed themselves laughing.

When the film Indecent Proposal had just come out a few of my Year 11 form were hanging around because it was raining, one asked me 'Miis, would you sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars?' to which I replied 'Where would I get a million dollars from?', the Ofsted inspector eating her lunch in another part of the room almost choked on her butties!

@Downinthedumps99

Trumpton knackered is not a rude word!

On my first teaching placement I thought it would be a good idea if I got the whole class of 6yr olds to make individual Leaning Towers Of Pisa out of clay.

@Pinkrocker please do enlighten us, I have no idea what they looked like.

When we were doing sea creatures I decided to get the Year 1s to draw dolphins. I suspect they had something in common with your leaning towers.

ChesterDraw
me and my friend once drew a giant penis in the snow and school that could be seen perfectly in all its glory from the top floor

Albus

That reminds of the time we got a child to lie down and be drawn round so we could label arms, legs, knees etc. At break one of the children decided to turn the generic person into the male of the species

My 3 year old son told his teacher she had ‘chicken breath’ recently. She told us, said she thought it was hilarious, and a reminder not to eat fish for lunch - I was horrified!

We were once playing pictionary with my y8 form group, they had to draw names of book or film titles for other to guess. One of the girls picked a card and she whispered to me that she didn't know the book at all, never heard of it, I said without looking at what she ended up with that hopefully there is something in the name that she could draw. She drew a gigantic penis on the board. I was thinking WTF and then looked at the card. Moby Dick...

On the last lesson of the year I was playing Articulate with yr9.

The word was ‘celebrate’. The kid in the chair gave the clue ‘you do it with your family’

Cue an enthusiastic yell of ‘INCEST!’

I teach English and in my NQT year I was teaching A Midsummer Night’s Dream to a Year 8 class.

One of the characters ends up with the head of an ass when the fairies in the play are up to mischief. It didn’t occur to me that some might not know that an ass is a donkey. I asked them to draw the scene and one girl actually did a drawing of the character with an arse for a head! I genuinely had to get under my desk to control myself.

It didn’t help that the character was called Bottom!

Heard this one from a teacher colleague. A year 3 class were getting ready for Christmas and the teacher was asking about parts for the nativity.

Boy: I want to be the horse.

Teacher: You mean the donkey. There isn't a horse in the nativity.

Boy: Yes there is - 'Deck, the horse'!

They’re all coming back to me now.

I remember getting y7 to storyboard The Highwayman. One girl did a very graphic depiction of the line,

‘As the black cascade of perfume came tumbling over his breast’.

The highwayman had a splendid pair of boobs!

My middle daughter is very... Blunt.

At her reception parents evening, her teacher was laughing as she told me

Dd: miss x

Teacher: yes dd

Dd: do you really want to be here. I mean really

Teacher: erm Well yes

Dd:oh okay then

And she went back to her colouring. She was 4. Her teacher said she didn't know what to say!!

A boy in Y5 was on the field at lunchtime with his friends, threw his head back to laugh and a seagull pooped in his mouth.

We had a little boy run back into the room from the toilet “miss miss someone has done a dirty in the waterfall”
I had no idea what he was talking about. Asked him to show me what he meant and he took me to the boys urinal where the biggest shit I’ve ever seen was just lying in the bottom.

Another one I remember from years and years ago a little girl needed her pants changed, and was asking the member of staff helping her to change “where did that shit come from ? Did you shit in my knickers miss !! “

Don’t know why my two stand out stories of over 10 years have been about poo!!

I have a stamp I occasionally use which says (and you need to know I teach History...) "What's going well and not so well in History"

The idea, obviously, is to have the student write down where they feel they are achieving well, and what they are struggling with.

A student once took this absolutely literally and wrote "Well William the Conqueror is doing quite a good job but the Anglo Saxons don't like him much"!

I had to write "No - for YOU, Wiktoria - for YOU..."

It cracked me up though.

My first job was teaching year 5 in a catholic school. One of my jobs was to teach Sex Education- which you can imagine was 'interesting'

Anyway, one year a boy asks me....
"Miss, what does sex feel like?"
I am completely floored and wondering how to hell to answer when another boy pipes up...
"Duhhh, she's not married, she won't know!"

Talk about being saved by the naivety of children! My married LSA then went on to say it was like a 'nice warm feeling'.

I will never forget that moment of sheer panic as long as I live. I've been a teacher for 12 years and that's got to be one of the funniest and most terrifying moments!

Knackered is a rude word! It means worn out from sexual activity!

Took a class on a trip to a museum that had a section about ww2. On one of the info boards it explained how it wasn’t common for women to go to pubs, not like today. I asked the class why they thought this might be - trying to get them to understand that society was different in the 40s in comparison to today.

Me: why weren’t women allowed to go to pubs in the 1940s class?
Little sally: because women when they get drunk they get angry miss.

😳

@Bigearringsbigsmile no it really doesn't!

www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/knackered

Name changed as outing

At a school when I was on teaching practice

Twins, both kept forgetting their reading book, teacher says ‘you really need to look for them’, one twin turned to the other and said ‘I think I know where they are, they are under mummies bed next to her plastic willy

Happened to me

Child in year 1 tells me the police were at her house last night because ‘mummy and daddy were making dirty videos in the garden shed and the police come and took them all away’

I don't think that's the type of light-hearted story the OP was looking for. That is so disturbing and I hope someone referred the incident to social services.

And actually I don't believe you. Amateur porn combined with sex toys. You've over-egged it.