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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bin wars

135 replies

YE420032c · 24/04/2020 16:07

I’m sorry for this long rambling post. Ive read a couple of threads on “bin stuffing” and I intend this as a cautionary tale for anyone who says they would dump the rubbish back on a neighbour’s property. I did this and learned to bitterly regret my hasty decision.

I’m in a position where I don’t know where to turn. My credibility with my neighbours has been destroyed and now they all think I’m a nutcase. I’ve had a police “warning” for harassment. Ive had a warning letter from the council for “fly tipping”. I’ve also received a solicitor’s letter threatening legal action if I “harass” my neighbour any more or encourage family members to “stalk” her.

Going back 2 years or more I became aware that someone was using my wheelie bin for some of their rubbish. My husband would put out the bins each week with only a bit of our rubbish in them. Someone would then come along late at night and put more rubbish in. I had to admit that they never came into my garden and they were not stopping me from putting out more rubbish. The rubbish was also neatly tied up – not dirty or messy. But it really annoyed me that someone was putting more black bags in my bins without asking me.

I got my nephew to park his car nearby and watch out the night before the bins went out. One night he spotted one of my neighbours doing it. Lets call her neighbour A. Next day I left the rubbish on her drive with a note telling her not to do it again. Unbeknown to me neighbour A had CCTV focused on her gate. Shortly after I got a warning letter from the council accusing me of “flytipping” and threatening me I could be summoned to court and sued if it happened again.

Following this incident I have on several occasions had my bins hidden away so they did not get emptied. They were found a couple of streets away. Or unpleasant things were dumped into my bins. Builders rubble, rotting food, shitty nappies.

Even more sinister I had several neighbours accuse ME of putting rubbish in their bins. One accused me of putting disposable nappies in her bin. She said that there was junk mail with my address on it among the rubbish. Another couple had just moved into an empty house. They said there were “about a dozen” black bin bags of rubbish dumped in their garden along with packing crates from a kitchen supplier with my name/address on them. When I denied it they said that I was “known” for dumping rubbish on other people’s property and they had seen “photographic proof”. They had obviously spoken to A and seen her CCTV photos.

When they came over they did not even speak to me. The husband, who did all the talking, just talked across me and addressed my husband as if I wasn’t there. He threatened to go to the local council if there were any more “incidents” and implied that I had a mental health problem.

Ive also had a letter from the manager of a business part that backs onto our property – and that of neighbour A. It accused me of throwing sacks of rotting food onto their property on several occasions and mentions them containing “correspondence” with my address. Again there were threats of legal action if any more “fly tipping” occurs.

I suspected that A was engineering a conspiracy to punish me but had no way to prove it. The incidents were weeks – sometimes months – apart. Therefore it was difficult to find out who was doing it.

My nephew did try waiting there a few times but one night he was approached by two police officers. They checked his documents and said they had received a complaint that someone with his vehicle registration has been sitting outside the house of a resident and intimidating them. My nephew tried to explain about the bins but the officers were not interested and got huffy. They warned him that if there were any further complaints about him “harassing” the resident he could be arrested. Of course he has not parked there since. And he feels that he dare not even park in the street now.

My neighbour A is an old woman who lives alone and had no doubt presented herself to the officers as a “vulnerable” person who was being stalked by this man who sat outside in his car. It seems you can no longer watch someone’s house even if you never approach them or intend to do them any harm. Its “stalking” which is a form of harassment. Apparently its now a criminal offence.

Going back to the stuff dumped in my bin. Builders rubble, mouldy cat food, and shitty nappies.

I still think that my neighbour A was behind all this. She doesn’t have a cat or any children but I suspect she was recruiting her friends to help out in “punishing” me. My husband and I tried going to her house and confronting to her about it and asking her to end the “bin war” but she said “You cant go about accusing people without proof. You’ve obviously got mental problems and a fetish about dustbins. ”

A rents her house and I did try to phone her landlord. He said it was a personal dispute and the tenant has done nothing to break her lease. He put the phone down on me.

Later that day the community police called. They insinuated that my husband and I were “harassing” my neighbour which is a “criminal offence”. We have been left a “police information notice” which warns us that neither I nor any member of my family must do anything to contact or annoy A, otherwise we can be arrested under the “Protection from Harrassment Act”

Ive also received a strongly worded letter from A’s solicitor headed “Letter before action”. It threatened me with legal action for harassment if I or any member of my family approaches her, tries to communicate with her or “surveils” her house. It also mentioned my “spreading malicious gossip” to her landlord. It seems that too is a form of harassment. If I want to communicate with her I have to go through the solicitor or risk legal action.

So Im now in a position where I don’t know what to do. I can’t ask my nephew or any of my relatives to park outside in case they get into trouble. CCTV is not an option for me because there is a high fence between my house and where we put the bins.

At the moment I am "hiding" in my sisters house 300 miles away. So if any more dumping incidents happen I can prove it was not me. I sneaked out of the house under cover of darkness and am feeling very tense about the idea of going back home.

OP posts:
Weregoingonanadventure · 24/04/2020 23:43

Oh, and OP, an elderly woman probably didnt want to struggle dragging her bin in and out when she could just put her hag of rubbish into a neighbours bin with plenty of space. She waited until you had put yours in and just popped it 8n before the bin truck came. Your reaction is unhinged.

What she has done since has been a campaign against you, but you started it 18 years ago and as 8 said before, this is karma.

You need to move. And try to function like a normal human with your nee neighbours.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/04/2020 23:45

It doesn't always follow, but when almost everybody else - a mixture of random unconnected people - is collectively accused of a bizarre way of behaving towards one individual person, you can nearly always find the one common denominator in it all and identify your main culprit (or fantasist).

Or, in simple terms, if you discover that a man has been unlucky enough to have been widowed 9 times and, on each occasion, the wife's tragic demise has been the result of a freak million-to-one accident involving a sledge hammer falling on to her head from a great height - you definitely don't want to marry him yourself; and probably never arrange to meet him in B&Q either.

MrsBungle · 24/04/2020 23:46

Seriously, this is either a reverse or you are unhinged.

JKScot4 · 24/04/2020 23:46

You sound unhinged, keep your bins in your garden and put a lock on.
I’d have thought a high earning antique business owner to have more sense OP 🤔😉

eisbslej · 24/04/2020 23:47

You can tell the schools are closed 🤦‍♀️

MovingBriskyOn · 24/04/2020 23:47

Eeek

Sushiroller · 24/04/2020 23:49

Well ignoring the obvious...
What I dont get is how is the old nanna is procuring used baby nappies and building ruble....?

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 24/04/2020 23:49

Aye right.

Sushiroller · 24/04/2020 23:50

Annoyingly I'm not even drunk, I meant to say...
What I dont get is how is the old nanna procuring used baby nappies and building ruble....?

eisbslej · 24/04/2020 23:52

@Sushiroller and dragging bins several streets away to hide them 🤷‍♀️

Sparklesocks · 25/04/2020 00:00

Christ. I can’t believe that you made your nephew sit outside in a car for potentially hours a night to catch someone putting rubbish in your bin the night before collection and then it’s just descended from there. I don’t think an elderly woman is seeking out dirty nappies and building waste solely to spite you, but the fact you think that’s a possibility speaks volumes about what you think is normal behaviour.

FrancisCrawford · 25/04/2020 00:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklesocks · 25/04/2020 00:10

A question I have is how did you even know rubbish was being added to your bin late at night the day before collecting? Surely it’s collected early in the morning? So are you going out of your house either in the middle of the night or very early doors...to look in your bins?

ManualFlusherSnot · 25/04/2020 00:14

You are being a little too precious about your bin! On my street, if somebody’s bin is full, they will use another neighbours bin. If it has space in it, and stops your street getting rats, why not? As for stalking the neighbours, that is really bad! Can you not see that? It’s like you’re trying to intimidate your neighbours! Just relax yourself, and then I believe life will get a lot easier for you.

krustykittens · 25/04/2020 00:30

You are unhinged, OP, you have treated your neighbour despicably. I refuse to believe that she has got the whole neighbourhood to conspire against you. Do you know why? Because you thought it was perfectly reasonable to have a man watch an elderly woman's house all night over a bin! And then you act surprised when you get a police warning over such behaviour. You are the problem. Move and give your neighbours some peace

BusyProcrastinator · 25/04/2020 00:40

I think you need to show some empathy! Imagine if some workmen started traipsing about your house and you were unhappy and your neighbour said 'but you're only a tenant!'.

Imagine if your bin was full so you put something in a neighbour's bin and they dump it on your doorstep. Then get a young guy to sit outside your house in his car, watching you. I'd be pretty terrified.

I'm not sure what you can do to make amends. Write to the solicitor and say you'd like mediation? (and to apologise). Or just move and try to think about how your actions are perceived in future.

Lifeasweknow · 25/04/2020 00:40

😂😂😂

That is all.

VanGoghsDog · 25/04/2020 00:46

Over the years Ive had to ring the landlord a few time

Well, you sound like a total peach to live next door to! Not.

lifeisgoodmostofthetime · 25/04/2020 00:57

Why does she have so much rubbish that she had to use your bin?

She clearly has a vendetta against you and a lot of time to make your life miserable. She's a mastermind and devious. I'd reply to the solicitors letter apologising and maybe a sorry card. Make her think she has won, just for the peace and pressure to come off. I wouldn't add to the war but just wave my hanky and give in.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/04/2020 01:03

If the PP is correct in wondering if the elderly neighbour would struggle to manoeuvre her own big heavy bin out and then back in again, when she only has one neatly-contained bin bag in any case - and you've said that you never use much of your bin's capacity - why wouldn't you just tell her to use yours anyway as a matter of course?

We had garden waste bins provided by our council and emptied as a free service. After a couple of years, they were having to look for cost savings, so they decided to start charging householders if they still wanted the service. We find it a very useful service, but we rarely more than half-fill ours on an average week (the current suspension notwithstanding!). Our lovely NDN only has a very tiny little garden and not a lot of space to store extra bins, so we went around and suggested that she send her bin back, save herself £40 a year and put her waste in ours. Weren't we great? Absolutely not - it makes no difference whatsoever to us. We do each other a lot of little favours here and there. She's out all day, so I take in regular parcels for her; she doesn't have any kids, but she brings an Easter egg and other occasional treats for our son. She's a gem.

We will be so sad if she ever decides to move; and we most certainly would never want to be the cause of her deciding to move. I know it's not always possible and some people are just unpleasant regardless, but if you have good neighbours, cherish them; and be a neighbour for them to cherish in return. Everybody's lives are just so very much easier, more enjoyable and less stressful if people are nice - why ever wouldn't you choose to be?

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 25/04/2020 01:21

As a homeowner (albeit with a big outstanding mortgage), I utterly detest it when certain other homeowners take a truly bizarre superior attitude over renters and keep tattling to their landlords - as if they're little kids and you need to report them to their mummies for a good telling off and sending to bed without any cocoa - over things that are nothing whatsoever to do with the fabric of or title to the property but are just related to the way the people who happen to live there choose to live their own lives.

How can somebody possibly be so dim as not to understand the massive difference between somebody's landlord and their parent/carer/parole officer? You might as well call and complain to Debenhams, because a nasty man said something very unkind to you whilst he was wearing one of their jumpers, and demand to know what they're going to do to put things right.

MovingBriskyOn · 25/04/2020 01:41

who actually cares if there is an extra bag of rubbish in their bin

To be fair, @FrancisCrawford, if someone started a thread on AIBU saying exactly that, with minutes thread would be full of

  • absolutely unacceptable *I'm furious on your behalf *log it with 101 *this would enrage me too, OP *dump the rubbish back on her property

And there might be a few posts saying "meh... can't get worked up about this if your bin isn't full anyway"
But they'd be drowned out by those with the pitchforks

GetYourGoatYouHavePulled · 25/04/2020 01:57

You come across as a spiteful snob. From your behaviour so far, I wouldn’t be surprised if you were making up the stories about your neighbour planting junk mail with your name and address in rubbish that has been dumped.

Purpleartichoke · 25/04/2020 02:43

You can now buy cameras that are wireless and will stick just about anywhere, including on your tall fence.

squeekums · 25/04/2020 03:45

You sound like the nightmare actually
You try have the neighbor evicted and dob on her to the landlord. She has every right to say when workmen can come on the property. The landlord is not there to settle your petty bs.
Just a tenant...... LMAO, whatever
You get annoyed over a neatly tied up bag of rubbish in an half empty bin, so annoyed you grab it out the bin and put it on her driveway, like Wtaf.
You get another family member to stalk her, your lucky it was only a little old lady and you didn't get your family member attacked. If dp nanna rang saying someone was watching her house, he would be there asap and not looking to talk.

You started this over thinking your better than her and have more rights simply cos in your words, she just a tenant
You continue this by getting so worked up over bins and rubbish. It's not like the original bag was thrown across your yard.
I'd have you spoken to for harassment too
Makes me think she got cctv for a reason........ If she renting either the landlord gave permission or did it himself, again, wonder why......