To ask if your kids are going to grandparents?

[Tedtalk]

May have already been asked, so apologies if repeated

My next door neighbour is in her late 50s. She is now working from home. Her daughter is also working from home (not wearing work clothes) and drops her kids off to my neighbour 2/3 times weekly, sometimes stopping for a cuppa in the garden.

I'd assumed this was all allowed until someone I mentioned it to questioned it.

Can anyone clarify this for me?
Any experiences?

This is quite interesting and has a link to a page with advice for families with nannies too. I would say that the one on one childcare provided by a grandparent is closer to a nannying arrangement than a childminder.

One point - the reference to people not relying on grandparents for childcare was with regards to grandparents who fell into the shielding catagory.

It’s all very grey though and you have no idea of the ins and outs of her situation.

But mixing households if unnecessary ( so not including children travelling between the homes of two parents) is increasing the risk if we all did it.

The entire point of the lockdown is that we don’t mix. We’d all like to - to see our families and or to have help, but we can’t.

It’s individuals interpreting the rules to fit their own circumstances - which can indeed be argued as a basic right. But we are supposed to be acting as a society now to protect each other.

Not strictly allowed - but I think many families are treating their separate houses as one household as far as lock down concerned.

SquitMcJit

You didn't answer my question. If you had 3 children, in 3 different schools / nurseries. Would you send them to the separate providers?
Surely you can see that doing so is a bigger risk than sending them to their grandparents, providing they are healthy and not shielding.

The entire point of the lockdown is that we don’t mix.

No the point of the lockdown is to reduce the spread.

@ArtichokeAardvark i would do the same

Some people do not seem to get thst mental health and being stuck at home with a new born and a 2 year old could be worse than the minimal risk of spreading it

And Boris hasn't opened schools to cover 12 hour workimg shifts

If you stack shelves all night in a supermarket or sort mail during unsocialable hours you'll be using grandparents if you have them because schools are closed then

DD goes to grandparents when I have to go to medical appointments. I've got to attend the appointments, DD isn't allowed at the hospital, I can't leave her unsupervised.

Yes, it is probably considered 'breaking the rules', but sometime you need to be sensible and work out which is the best option. By all means think about how you can reduce the risk of spreading CV, but there are other elements of keeping people safe and healthy that need to be taken into consideration too.

I'm sure some neighbours may presume that I'm dropping DD off for a trivial, non-essential reason. Quite frankly, it's none of their business. I'd be more than happy to justify my actions to someone official if required (police / medical / social services etc), but I don't care what the neighbours think.

You say she's not a keyworker but she is presumably having to work. If she can't work at home and look after her kids at the same time what is she supposed to do? Not everyone can choose to do THE safest thing and stay at home away from everyone. Most people are having to choose the least risky option.

@GrimmsFairytales exactly !! People are taking 'the rules' too literally , the sutuation you are describing is not the same as gaily ignoring the rules and having a bbq with 20 mates on the beach

If people are OK with the children of keyworkers being in childcare, why would they not be OK with this? Surely this reduces the number of people from other households coming in to contact with one another as compared to a nursery, childminder or school?

Sorry, my previous post was before I’d read yours.

Yes, I would or would look at any possible other options than involving grandparents. I’ve got an impossible personal situation here in my family now due to lockdown but we’re just having to manage as best we can.

I’m guessing that everyone is making their own decisions on how to cope. It’s interesting to pick up on how much mixing of households is probably going on. I wonder if the law makers and statisticians build in a realistic level of whether people can and will adhere to such rules.

It’s no riskier than moving the children of separated parents between households. It just proves how completely illogical “the rules” are.

This virus is certainly bringing out the worst in so many people. OP maybe you should just concentrate on your family rather than someone else’s.

No the point of the lockdown is to reduce the spread.

That was what I thought, but there seems to be a country-wide misunderstanding that it is actually a form of group penance. Apparently the more miserable we are, the sooner God will take mercy on us and relieve the plague.

No although I must admit it’s difficult to not to see grandparents when you see others breaking rules. We are also already at risk because dh is a key worker dealing with people all day. However rules are clear about visiting family so we haven’t and won’t until told otherwise.

Can’t wait to hand my kids over to my mum though, driving me crazy today!

Yes, I would or would look at any possible other options than involving grandparents.

So if you would consider it, then why do you think others who are actually doing it, are is dangerous and takes the piss out of everyone else who is doing as we are asked.??

I am working as much from home as possible but 2/3 days a week I am needed in the office etc so my son goes to my mums for them days.

I have my niece over 3x a week. Her parents both work. Usually i have her 1 day, my mum has her 1 day and the other grandma has her 1 day. We decided to minimise contact and shes only coming here now. All kids havent been to grandparents.

In Spain they aren't allowed to even leave their house for exercise , we have it lucky here , I'd rather it is like this without people like the op watching what everyone else is doing , the spread is reducing , the curve is flattening , social distancing is working , come ith may youll he able to see anyone who isnt sheielding or in isolation in my opinion

See a few weeks ago everyone would have been saying nope, of course it's not acceptable, she is killing off the elderly. Now people think it's fine, the government really needs to think of a next step as lockdown fatigue is real. And no, she shouldnt really, but at this point people have started doing what they want anyway.

8th May

Unless you are a key worker you shouldn't be sending children anywhere .
We are on lockdown , you either wfh or are furloughed.

To the poster who said that this is why people have been furloughed - that is not correct at all. People have been furloughed because businesses cannot afford their wages. It’s got nothing at all to do with their child care difficulties.

Astonished at the number of people who are still using grandparents for childcare. Hard not to feel resentful to be honest, when I haven’t seen my mum for over a month, DS is crying because he misses grandma, and DH and I are working shifts between the hours of 6am and 9:30pm to make sure we both get our work done AND supervise our child.

I think the rules are pretty clear about mixing households. We shouldn’t be doing it. I’d like nothing more than to drop off DS for cuddled with her so that DH and I can both work a 9-5 and get a bit of balance back.

One of the families in our village have totally ignored the rules, they are in and out of each others houses many times every day, the Granchildren stay overnight with their grandparents. The great grandparents have carers in twice a day the of the family dont seem to understand that the carers might be spreading disease. None of them work so its not for childcare

@GrimmsFairyTales

If you have 3 children in 3 different schools / nurseries, would you really send them to the different providers, rather than their grandparents

You misunderstood. I’m saying yes I would have to do the 3 schools thing in that circumstance, or look at any other possible options. I wouldn’t mix households with family members.

Not sure why you are fixating on this