To ask if your kids are going to grandparents?

[Tedtalk]

May have already been asked, so apologies if repeated

My next door neighbour is in her late 50s. She is now working from home. Her daughter is also working from home (not wearing work clothes) and drops her kids off to my neighbour 2/3 times weekly, sometimes stopping for a cuppa in the garden.

I'd assumed this was all allowed until someone I mentioned it to questioned it.

Can anyone clarify this for me?
Any experiences?

Logic, common sense and sensible risk assessment seem to be dying a death.

Indeed. We saw that clearly in the poster who claimed they would send 3 children to 3 separate settings, rather than a grandparent who wasn't vulnerable. Absolutely madness.

You cannot do a one size fits all.

Agreed. another poster summed it up well earlier The safest thing stay at home away from everyone. Most people are having to choose the least risky option.

There ius a huge difference between casual visiting and genuine need for childcare.

What do you suggest people do with their kids?

So genuine question. Those who think it’s not allowed, who looks after the kids while parents have no option but to work?

@Alsohuman Their dad never has them so no they don’t go to his.

@Blackbear19 yes from my experience employers say they understand but really don't..

I would also like to point out that there are plenty of people with under-3s who have to work, and use grandparents as they cannot afford nursery or a childminder. Lockdown doesn't mean they can magically pay for childcare.

@Nicknacky my friend who as in this situation- her husband is a key worker (and out of the home all day) but she isn’t, and their son’s nursery refused to take him as ‘one parent can work from home’.

You can request furlough if you can’t work due to childcare commitments (as started by the government on the 4th of April)- so that is what she’s done, and her employer has agreed. Employer did offer to let her drop to part time (from full time) but she’ll be paid more if she just accepts furlough.

Both sets of grandparents are local in this case, too- but they weren’t even considered as an option for childcare.

^ that should be “my friend was in this situation”

patch Yes that can be an option for some however not everyone is able to do that. Therefore childcare has to be arranged.

Furlough isn't a magic bullet. Companies still need income and people to work.

Even WFH with preschool or babies is horrible. You end up burning the candle at both ends with kids overdosing on screen time.

If your nursery is closed contact your local authority as they have a list of local nurseries open for key workers. Our nursery has taken in children where their nursery has had to close.

Using family members for childcare is against the lockdown recommendation but I can also understand why people have need to do it. I wouldn’t have thought it advisable for those first few weeks of lockdown but after this long if everyone has followed the rules then a grandparent looking after a child now means none of them should be at much risk to each other - unless someone is working outside the home or shopping often.

@Nicknacky everyone can request it though, and see what an employer says. Like my friend, if you’re needed at work but have no childcare provision, you can’t leave kids alone- really, your employer has no choice but to furlough you. At least they won’t have to cover your salary.

Fundamentally we shouldn’t be mixing households- that is what the government has said. Therefore, if you have no nursery/ childcare provision, you should not be using grandparents unless you live together.

I agree that this places lots of families in difficult situations (it also affects DH and I- I’m considering asking for furlough to relieve the strain on our family), but I’m fed up of people pretending that this is fine or that they’re a special case. @Blackbear19 I am currently working from home with a pre-schooler and am lucky that I can do my hours when it suits- so working late nights and early mornings. Yes I am tired and burning the candle at both ends, but that is no reason to call on DS’s grandparents- if I can’t cope, I will ask to be furloughed. I would feel ridiculous packing him off to his grandma’s so that I could work a nice 9-5 in an empty house.

@PatchworkElmer everyone may be able to request furlough doesn’t mean it will be granted, a company that is open and fully functional will need staff, so again people are put in a difficult position where they need a grandparent to look after their child.

I think everyone just needs to face the facts if they are able to be furloughed then great but for those who need to work and are unable to arrange other childcare due to not being eligible for a school place then a grandparent is the only option.

Patchwork
Having sat and read through this whole thread this morning, and reflecting on all the views and experiences that everyone has shared, I agree with your point.

I understand it is hard for people with no other option but I all I see are the risks posed by mixing households. I think people who are Doing so maybe aren't seeing the bigger picture of the danger this poses, as long as their risk assessment is best for themselves. But I do realise it's not black and white. All entitled
To opinion x

@ilovedjerrymore that’s what I said though- “you can request it and see what your employer says”. I don’t think anyone on this thread has said that they’ve tried? If the alternative is young kids being left alone, I would be surprised if many employers would say no (though there’s always the heartless few).

Sorry, I still think that people shouldn’t be using grandparents- certainly not without exhausting every other possibility.

Not allowed. My mum used to do my childcare and now she cannot because we would be mixing households - so we are working from home while looking after children and homeschooling, like most people

@Tedtalk thanks.

Basically this is a horrendous situation and I really hope it’s over soon!

and yes it is knackering - we work two shifts to cover childcare between, so I finished at midnight and was up again this morning as usual. Appreciate the split shift option isn’t available if you are single parent though

@PatchworkElmer well I have exhausted every other avenue and only managed to get my work to let me work from home 2/3 days a week the rest of the time Im on site. My child goes to his grandparent. There is no other option I need money to pay for bills just like everyone else. If I want to continue to put a roof over our heads this is what needs to be done.

I’m not the only one in this situation there are many the same who have no option it’s ok for others to say it shouldn’t be happening and that the risk of mixing house holds is too high. It’s simple, people don’t have a choice.

@ilovedjerrymore sorry that your employer wouldn’t furlough you. That seems very unfair.

@PatchworkElmer thank you. Feel lucky just to be home at least a couple of days a week. Horrible situation.

Never.

Doing as we are told and keeping mine well away from vulnerable grandparents.

Haven't read through the thread btw

Not allowed. My mum used to do my childcare and now she cannot because we would be mixing households - so we are working from home while looking after children and homeschooling, like most people

Does it ever occur to some people that just because you can do something it doesnt mean everyone can?
Not everyone has other childcare available.
Not everyone is working from home. Most people? I dont know anyone who is doing that.

Not everyone over the age of 50 is vulnerable and needs 'protecting'!

Staying between 2 homes is probably far better than mixing with other kids who you have no control over outside the setting. They could be going to numerous houses when not at the setting, how are you to know? Despite childminders and teachers best efforts they cannot guarantee anything outside of their setting.
Kids from seperated parents can go between both houses whats the difference?