To ask if your kids are going to grandparents?

[Tedtalk]

May have already been asked, so apologies if repeated

My next door neighbour is in her late 50s. She is now working from home. Her daughter is also working from home (not wearing work clothes) and drops her kids off to my neighbour 2/3 times weekly, sometimes stopping for a cuppa in the garden.

I'd assumed this was all allowed until someone I mentioned it to questioned it.

Can anyone clarify this for me?
Any experiences?

I have been looking after my grandson (4) while his mum, my dd, still worked. I am one of his main care givers (long story) and his school is now shut for essential workers only. It's not like hes coming for a jolly, although I am happy to have him as I had him every day after school. He was still on half days at school due to separation anxiety so we have tried to keep his routine going. My friend still childminds her gd 3 days a week as her daughter still works and my friend was her gd childminder anyway (shes only 2 and not in nursery). So there are reasons why but I havent been to see my own parents with my 13 year old as we havent a reason to mix households with them. We shouldn't judge. My neighbours have started seeing their grandchildren again along with their daughter. I dont know their reasoning. The kids are roughly 8 and 12. I wont judge as someone could be doing same to me without knowing the facts x

Just like to add I'm 47 years old with no underlying health problems if that matters anyway x

Pretty sure it’s not “allowed” in the sense that it’s mixing households but if I was in this mum’s situation and could have my child looked after by a fit and healthy instead of sending them to nursery right now then I probably would or at least would prefer this set up.

According to the government it shouldn’t be done if the grandparents are elderly or particularly vulnerable. But the advice does seem vague and certain sections of the population will use vagueness and uncertainty to their own ends. Personally I wouldn’t use gps or be caring for a child from outside my household at the moment but there doesn’t seem to be any hard or fast rule so until there is I suppose we all just argue who’s right and who’s wrong...plus ca change...

It's not allowed and it is a risk to the parents (elderly). We have not seen my parents since lock down began and they don't go out.

it is a risk to the parents (elderly)

Surely late 50s isn't considered elderly?

Mumsnetters always assume grandparents are elderly?! I’m a grown woman and my grandparents are only in their 70s!

Mummy Care to link to the legislation that says it’s not allowed? Here’s a hint. You won’t find it.

Yeah, on MN, the general presumption is that the last two generations have waited until post-35 to have children. The world is a little more diverse than that!

I can't eye-roll hard enough anymore. I really can't.

⭐️ here's your gold star OP.

Why does everyone assume if you're a grandparent you must be elderly?? What decade are we living in??

No idea whether it's allowed but surely things have to be sensible. If Her grandparents aren't old or high risk then surely she is better going there than nursery, it's safer for her, her parents, teachers and other children at school.
However, if her mum is working from home then she should be at home with her, not at grandparents or school. Those are the rules.
It's difficult one really... I own my own business and we are key workers, family members of mine have been furloughed so i have employed them to help us out/make up their wage. This means we spend all day at work together but dont mix our houses at all. We walked past the other day and stood on the front and spoke to them for a few minutes. It was a bit silly really as we had previously spent 6 hours with them at work in fairly close contact, with masks and gloves (no choice due to nature of work)

Its not ideal. This is one reason why Lockdown did not happen sooner; that children are often looked after by grandparents.
Some families do not have a choice.
Without knowing all the details, I think it unwise to jump to conclusions.

Here is what I don't get. If, in a few weeks time, they say we can socially distance in select "bubbles", which is what Scotland are saying - why is it too risky for me to see my 53 yo healthy mum today but not in 3 weeks time? The virus will still be there.

@Frompcat I've been saying this for a while now. Common sense exists. Everyone shouting about people not obeying 'the rules' must surely realise this virus really isn't going anywhere for a good while yet, and we'll all have to learn to live with it when lockdown ends.

@CrowCat because on MN most people waited until they were about 40 to start having kids because you have to be financially stable and have a spare room and enough money for private school before you can have unprotected sex according to a lot of people on here 😂

@Chillicheese123 comment of the day

I initially started my family unscrupulously young, so now I'm in my early forties, have adult DC AND primary aged DC, and a grandson. I should be tarred and feathered

Curious as to what she's meant to do if there's no other option and not allowed to work from home? There have to be exceptions to every rule as we are not all the same with same circumstances. It's so sad that some of you can't see that because you're too focused on being holier than tho.

It's not allowed and it is a risk to the parents (elderly).

Oh do stop! 50's is not elderly what are you on about?

So its ok for me to work in a supermarket being surrounded by other staff and customers 8 hrs a day with no PPE but not ok for me to look after any grandchildren I may have? Where is the logic in that?

Its a damm sight better than sending them anywhere else or losing your job! Whatever happened to common sense? If everyone is doing their best to stick to the guidelines and staying way from others as much as is possible then I would say everyone is far safer at non vulnerable grandparents. At least you know your parents/inlaws you dont know what other parents of kids at school/nursery are doing.

Some people do not have a choice, schools and nurseries are not open to accomodate shift workers, long commutes etc.

This is the Government advice. No. 8 makes it clear that people should not be visiting relatives.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do/coronavirus-outbreak-faqs-what-you-can-and-cant-do

Logic, common sense and sensible risk assessment seem to be dying a death.

I'm with @Willow on this one.

You cannot do a one size fits all.

Common sense is a thing.

People cannot just afford not to work.

If children of separated parents can mix between the two household then what's the difference if a child goes to its grandparents/aunt/uncle/whoever it's other carer is while the parent works? At home or otherwise?

Hint: There isn't one.

Tanith there is a difference between visiting relatives and having them care for a child if you need to work.

No11 asks employers to be understanding but really many are understanding to the point "if you can't do it I'll get someone who can there's your P45."

Of course key workers have to work but everyone else no otherwise it's not lockdown

Not everyone is a key worker but they still have to go to work if they cant work from home and the business is still running. Not all businesses are 'key' as in NHS but they are still required to keep the country going with supplies of things and a hundred other reasons!

Fine but you shouldn't be sending dc to relatives.!!
What are you supposed to do with kids then? Leave them at home to fend for themselves?

@CrowCat completely agree!