To ask if your kids are going to grandparents?

[Tedtalk]

May have already been asked, so apologies if repeated

My next door neighbour is in her late 50s. She is now working from home. Her daughter is also working from home (not wearing work clothes) and drops her kids off to my neighbour 2/3 times weekly, sometimes stopping for a cuppa in the garden.

I'd assumed this was all allowed until someone I mentioned it to questioned it.

Can anyone clarify this for me?
Any experiences?

I know it seems a bit counter-intuitive, but I think it's a judgement call

It doesn’t seem counterintuitive, it is. The entire point of this is to slow the spread of the disease, not prevent it. Exposure to three potential sources of infection is obviously less effective than exposure to one.

As far as I was aware it’s mixing households so not allowed?

I’m a single mum to toddler twins. My grandparents are desperate to take them. Apparently the people on both sides of them still have their grandchildren several times a week. I would love the break. I’m bloody knackered but I won’t take the risk!

No you’re not supposed to but can understand how desperate some people may feel. I wouldn’t want to take any risk with my parents.

Fact is, the world is complocated.

Work from home, they say. Okay, we're doing that. But even if you can work from home, you might need childcare. I understand that healthcare professionals, including psychologists and counsellors, are working from home when possible, and providing telephone appointments. I think I'd find it a bit disruptive if I was talking to a community psychiatric nurse or a psychologist and I heard a toddler demanding a biscuit in the background!

So, do your twins go to their dad’s house?

We will all at some point have to go back to some sort of normality, its simply unsustainable. We’ll all be expected to go back out into the world and practice social distancing long before a cure is found, none of this will matter soon. You can want to stay indoors as much as you like but if you want to keep your job and can’t work from home you’ll be forced to go out. The herd immunity plan hasn’t gone away...

@Schuyler
.”

*Not correct. Guidance says you should only go to work if it cannot be done from home and this may include those not on the key worker list.

Children with SEND can attend school, as can those who fall into vulnerable categories, some of which will be at the schools’s discretion e.g. children who are young carers or domestic abuse in the home.*

You have phased it wrong the guidance you should not go to work unless you are a essential worker but you can travel to work yes I know clear as mud .

You should not be sending dc to relatives just because you work . How is this lockdown?
I know about sen children I have one and it was initially agreed that my child go in a couple of days it was then decided it was safer for him to stay at home during lockdown it will be reviewed after lockdown.
I was totally against lockdown for these reasons but those that saying well it's safer than going to nursery / childminder etc it's not you are working going xyz so the dc is then going to relative so possible passing the virus on .
I can't believe those justifying this , the rest of us are not seeing relatives but others are because they have to work . I'm not surprised this virus is spreading .

I'm still working - but what I wear depends on my mood at present. I have been known to wear my sparkly Christmas top just because I felt like it, maybe matched with the "not to be worn outside" scraggy leggings.
If my DC were younger I might well park them with a Grandparent while I worked if there were no health issues etc. As it is very hard to talk to someone professionally on the phone with small children interupting etc. People are very understanding at present, but it is much easier without interruptions.
In fact my pretty grown up children requested I get a sign for the door so they know when I'm busy or when they can interrupt with questions.

Wrong. I’m not a key worker and I’m out working. Can’t work from home.
Fine but you shouldn't be sending dc to relatives.!!

I thought the herd immunity plan had gone away and we are now trying to reduce transmission?

I'm not surprised this virus is spreading

It’s meant to - slowly so as not to overwhelm the NHS. Hospitals are now half empty because we were expected to comply far less than we have.

@ilovecakeandwine so where are children suppose to go?? I am working but not a key worker so please do tell me where my son can be looked after instead of going to his grandmothers???

It’s ok for people not affected by this to say it’s wrong but your not coming up with any solution?!

ilovecakeandwine

Great, what should she do with her children then?

YABU. My sister is a nurse and her childcare is closed, even for key workers. My mum is looking after the DC. The alternative is my healthy, able, skilled nurse sister doesn’t work at a time when she is very much needed?! She goes to work in clothes that are slobby and probably more suited for pyjamas because she changes when she gets there. Honestly, some people need to think a bit.

How old is your mum?

If she is over 50, then sending children who are more likely than the general populace to catch it seems more risky than childcare (is every nursery really closed nearby?).

@ilovecakeandwine

So, where do the children of key workers go if childcare is closed?! You keep saying people shouldn’t but nobody is actually answering this.

Again, no skin off my nose, I don’t need childcare but some people cannot seem to think outside their own little boxes.

@Schuyler thanks! I have asked the same question a couple of times on this thread no one can give a answer as to what I should do with my son? I’m Sure if I left him to fend for himself while I was out at work a lot of people would have something to say about that! Can’t win!

@Bounceyflouncey

DN has additional needs so cannot just do to a random childminder or nursery without training to their medical needs, trying not to give away too much personal info.

I guess the thought between my mum and sister was they are ‘only’ mixing 2 households instead of multiple households. I wasn’t involved in that decision, just sharing an example of when it might be appropriate for another adult to provide care to a very vulnerable child.

This thread is making me want to bang my head against the wall.

It is not the case that you can only go to work if you are a key worker, and I am a bit that people are still saying it is.

But mostly the frustration for me is coming from people obsessed with the letter rather than the spirit of the rules. Sending your dc to childcare such as schools will mean more social contact and give the chance to spread any virus among a larger number of households than sending them to a relative's house would do. It is really obvious. If said relatives are healthy and happy to provide the care, why the heck would anyone take a riskier choice? The point of these measures is to limit/ manage the spread of the virus, so I am at a loss as to why anyone would think a riskier option was better!

@Schuyler I'm not talking about key workers. I said if you are not a essential worker then you shouldn't be sending your child to relatives.
Of course key workers have to work but everyone else no otherwise it's not lockdown .

@ilovedjerrymore
You !!!
Until lockdown is over for gods sake .
I get you have to work so do I but we on a lockdown.

ilove That’s your opinion but that’s not what the law says.

@ilovecakeandwine BUT MY JOB CAN NOT BE DONE AT HOME!!!!!! How bloody hard is that to understand!!!

Ffs I feel like a broken record!!!!!

Of course key workers have to work but everyone else no otherwise it's not lockdown

The guidance says if you cannot work from home then you can still travel to work. It doesn't say only key workers can go out to work.

The other thing that will blow the minds of the curtain twitching neighbour watch squad is that people with certain disabilities can go out more than once. It is not only permitted but actually encouraged. As they are invisible disabilities e.g. autism, you might not know why John and his mum go out twice a day. What’s more is none of your business.

There are so many shades of grey in this situation. Extremely vulnerable individuals don’t deserve to be watched through the curtains. They are legitimate reasons for certain things happen and it’s nothing to do with you.

I’m sure some of you would hate my work project which is ensuring even more people with certain needs and disabilities get to leave their home more than once a day.

There are plenty of vital key workers who are working from home. - social workers, care coordinators, advice and guidance Councillors, JCP and benefits staff, payroll teams etc. These people have to be able to deliver essential services and having to full time parent younger kids might not be possible. So it is within the guidelines for them to source safe childcare- grandparent not in a risk group as an alternative to a nursery or school- much higher risk. People are just being totally illogical.

Also none key workers who can't do their job from home are still permitted- indeed often expected to go out to work. And employers won't pay them to stay at home- and they can't be furloughed if there is work for them , Their only option is using holiday or unpaid leave.

People are too ready to judge without enough knowledge of the circumstances