To post a letter back?

[Claplikeaseal]

Sorry, it's another clapping thread.🙄

So every Thursday some of my neighbours go out clapping, banging saucepans etc. Which is good for them. However, my DD is 2 and I suspect has some sensory issues because loud noises of any kind distresses her.

She's usually in bed but of course when the noise starts it scares her, she covers her ears and cries. So, naturally, I don't go outside to clap and comfort her. I probably wouldn't anyway, simply because I feel there are many other better ways to support the NHS which I do make an effort to do.

Last night I received a letter about how the "community" had noticed we hadn't been clapping and they were upset we were letting the "community" down and they hope we make an effort next time 🤨. There was more, it was nearly a full page letter but that's the gist.

I know who posted it, my partner opened the door. WIBU to post a letter back? Basically telling them to fuck themselves but in a way in which will make them think twice next time? I now feel uncomfortable and like all the neighbours are gossiping, but then I don't feel I should have to defend my actions as it should be my choice regardless of my reasons.

Stupid people YANBU

I wonder how many people will no longer speak to their neighbours after lockdown for stuff like this

I cannot believe even 2% think YABU!

I'd write a open letter of apology to the community for letting them down. Point out that you received a letter of complaint on behalf of the community and you are horrified that in prioritising your child's special needs you have let down your community. Then post it through all your neighbours' doors. I can guarantee that poison pen writer won't dare to stick their head above the parapet after that.

Did your partner not deal with this when they opened the door? What did the neighbour say when caught posting the anonymous letter through the door?

I'd have a field day with this. I'd go round all the neighbours with the letter and ask them if they sent it as you'd like to have a quick chat with the writer in person. You are concerned about them as they are obviously struggling with the whole lock down thing as no one would write such a letter normally. Make sure you leave the suspect until last. That way everyone sees it and you make her look like the nasty busybody she is.

Well, I wouldn't do that. How about showing your child that it is not a scary thing by involving her in it? I know 8 is late for a 2yo, but exceptions can be made and it's one night of seven. You could have her snoozing on the sofa and at 8 take her outside to clap with everyone. She'd remember that, and it would be a more positive way of dealing with your discomfort.

You could warn her it's going to happen. You could plan how to go about it with her; yes she's only 2 but she's old enough to understand a bit.

Don't dignify it with a response.

What is wrong with these twits?

You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.

I don't clap and if anyone decided to criticise me for it they would hear the sharp side of my tongue on a bad day, on a good day I would follow my own advice and ignore. I am not into virtue signalling.

The first time we did it I went outside and showed my appreciation with everybody else. It was an immediate way of showing just how grateful we are and felt like a sort of celebration. However, after 3 (or is it 4?) weeks of doing it I’m finding it rather pointless. We all know we do it, but the NHS workers are all too busy to hear it. Or so I’d imagine. And yet I feel like the OP, that I’d be judged if I stay indoors now.

The cowardice of hiding behind ‘the community’ for this kind of self-righteous indignation is sickening.

I wouldn't respond to the letter at all. However, when talking to the other neighbours I would mention how surprised I was at the busybody neighbour and how you can't clap due to settling yout child and so on. On the neighbourhood grapevine it will quickly get back to her that she has been a busybody pain in the arse.

I really do hate people. This is making my blood boil. If I were to reply, I’d be sure to keep it very short and sharp, with a quick mention of how she’s spreading germs.

Just ignore.

People like this thrive on attention as it gives them a sense of power. The best thing you can do is give them no attention, don't post anything back just act like normal.

Nobody has the right to dictate how you should behave, especially not a stranger who just happens to be your neighbour. How entitled of her!

I expect the letter is just from your neighbour and not the community, she's just added that bit in for maximum affect.

Clapping is great if you want to do it, but no one should be made to feel bad for not doing it and feel they have to explain themselves.

Pfft! I'd be posting it on the local FB page with a personal public reply to the poster. "So, Karen 'Kim Jong' Smith of No.24, I do not appreciated this shit coming through my door. I will not be joining in with your ridiculous virtue-signalling nonsense, but will be indoors, as directed by the government, and comforting my child who gets upset over the unnecessary and may I add, NON-COMPULSORY, noise making!

Now fucking grow up and fuck off!"

They would probably love a response/attention and blow it into a drama somehow so I would ignore.

I know what you mean, peperethecat. I was in Waitrose at clap time last week. No one knew how long to keep clapping for. I remember thinking it was like applauding Stalin, when everyone was terrified to be seen to be the first to stop in case Stalin sent them to the Gulag. As it was one rather bombastic member of staff told us off for stopping too soon.

Jux - so you'd take a snoozing small toddler outside to face clapping and whatever noise? Yep, child would certainly remember that, poor little thing would likely be terrified. How would you feel going from sleep to unexpected racket? Do you think this sort of neighbour harrassment is acceptable?

OP - if you have the ability to copy the letter I'd take a few copies, write over them saying you're simpy looking after your child indoors and pop through a few doors, not just the door of who you know sent it. If you say its 'some' of your neighbours outdoors it suggests you wont be the only one to recieve it. Or, if you're active on Facebook I'd think about posting it there as suggested by pp - nothing stopping you setting up a fake profile if you dont want the fall out and posting all over your local pages.

God I hate to see these threads and hear what nasty little street police are springing up.

By the way, OP, hang on to the letter and any more she sends. That way if she really goes overboard you have the evidence to use against her.

I wonder how many of these virtue signalling wankers would walk past someone with an NHS charity box.

This is a semi-serious suggestion, but if we really do want to persist with the clapping (and NO banging pans or fireworks, please) to show our appreciation for the NHS, I think you'd really separate the wheat from the virtue-signalling chaff if you held it at 4am on a Sunday morning. This would be a tiny recognition that NHS staff have to work 24/7 and don't just have the luxury of wandering outside on a pleasant Spring evening.

I'm thinking of the same kind of people who will jump to 'support a good cause' and broadcast their wonderful altruism far and wide by jetting off to trek Machu Pichu or climb Kilimanjaro in aid of some charity or another and expecting everybody else to pay for their holiday but if you try telling them that there are (sometimes confused and cantankerous) desperately lonely elderly folk in their own community who would hugely appreciate a few hours' company and befriending each week, you will not see them for dust.

I cannot believe even 2% think YABU!

Next-Door Doris has signed up for a lot of MN accounts

It is almost unbelievable that people are doing this. Surely on the vast majority of streets, some people clap, some people don't? Let's not assume that this is normal behaviour now, because I really don't think most people are acting in this judgmental and self righteous way.

pop through a few doors, not just the door of who you know sent it.

But that would only serve to deeply embarrass her and make her look like a self-appointed, self-righteous pathetic lone-wolf stickybeak.

DO IT!!!!

Tell the Happy Clappy Monitor to foxtrot oscar.

It's getting a bit regimented and like something from the North Korean news channel. Being a cynic, I'm fully aware that over half the local electorate have voted for parties that have reduced NHS funding, refused to reward public sector staff, and who want to send the non-UK NHS staff back where they came from. To see them clapping and banging pots makes me want to shout at them, not with them.

This is why I’m glad I live in London. I don’t know my next door neighbours names and if I leave a milk bottle outside it’s likely to be stolen. Happy days.

As others have said, write back telling them to fuck off.

Our road (a quiet Surburban Street) started off well .lots of gentle clapping and cheering .Now seems to have gained momentum and last night we were treated to Fireworks as well! Dog barking like mad. About half of us clapped .I did but only for a minute or two due to dear dog. My NDN have young children, and anyone trying to get DC to sleep in it has a job on. Just say thank you for the note ,you have a young baby and feel her needs are greatest! There is no law saying you need to clap!

I would just wrote back:

‘Don’t be a twit. Clapping doesn’t support the NHS, it just makes you feel good about yourselves (and scares my poor toddler so much that she’s reduced to tears). I am above petty virtue signalling. I choose to actually support the NHS instead of trying to make a show of what a wonderful person I am (I.e. make myself look like a self absorbed wanker).’