Asked for a break on Monday from the kids and basically told no.

[Needtobepositive]

My husband has a day off on Monday (not a keyworker but able to go to work alone and do his usual job) and I’ve found the last couple of days really hard work with the kids. We aren’t getting a break from each other and the stresses of home learning are getting to us. One of them is also chronically ill and I do all the care for that. I asked if on Monday he could take the kids out for their hour exercise while I stay home and enjoy an hours peace. He asked when he got his hours peace and I told him he gets it at work all day as he works alone. He said he’s working so it’s not peace. I know he’s working but he’s not dealing with health issues he’s not dealing with home learning and arguing kids. He’s not nagging them to get on. His routine is as normal and ours is disrupted. AIBU?

Work is work and shouldn’t factor as alone peaceful time. However he is being a dick to not support you in your hour or need. Therefore YANBU. He is being selfish and patriarchal thinking childcare is your responsibility.

It’s not unreasonable at all to need some downtime, totally agree. I think your DH should definitely take the children for an hour. Then you have the children for an hours while he has downtime. The rest of the day- parent together. Being the SAHP is tough, but so is full time work. I’m learning this as my DH has been furloughed so I’m picking up extra shifts to make up the cash. I’m tired on my days off and am frustrated being knee deep in bastard fractions and peppa pig!!!

Why not offer him a break too? Both of you give each other an hour or two alone.

An hour? And he said no? Mother of god. What a selfish man. I had DTwins and about 6months in I was not coping. My DP told me to go on hols for a week in the sun. I did - lasted 4 days then came home with renewed love for my family and more energy. Your DH can't give you one measily hour?!!! Omg

I'm probably in the minority here but I think YABU to compare his time at work with an hour of peace and quiet to yourself at home. However, YANBU to expect him to take an equal share of childcare on his day off - it's called parenting and it seems odd that he wouldn't want to spend time with them when he is not working.

It's not a competition and it won't help to make it one. It's so easy to do at the moment but it just builds resentment on both sides. You get an hours peace and then he does, the rest of the time 50/50.

I wouldn't use the comparing work bit, but I would say "can you take the kids out for an hour I need some peace"

Perfectly acceptable

When will he get his break? YABU to say him being at work is a break... You should both get an hour of peace

I'm assuming he gets a lunch break at work (as legally required) whereas OP doesn't with the kids there. In that case of course she is not being unreasonable to want a single one hour break.

He had a day off work, yes? So his peaceful hour was the whole of the rest of the day? What a dick

I can give him an hours break but if he’s taken the kids out for an hour then really we have to stay in the house and garden. He will often find something else to do at home like little odd jobs that mean he gets time to himself. He enjoys these little jobs but then if he does those for most of the day then there’s not a lot of time and no where for me to go.

I think you should go out and leave him with the kids.

You can't make him take them out but you can remove yourself from the situation.

X post - just go for a walk. Anywhere. Just be out!

Yes that’s true. He has a lunch break and he choses to walk across the fields (no one around) or read a book. I hadn’t thought if that. He gets an hour every day.

An hour with his own kids is surely just daily life. He is BU.

Going to work is not a break but luckily DP was the first to say his hour commute to and from work with a nice coffee, reading what he likes, going toilet when he likes and having a lunch break was a nice breather for him.

OK so work is not really alone time. Presumably he can't just do whatever he wants.

So he has the kids for an hour and you do the same on another day or over the weekend.

Does he spend any time with the kids alone? Does he do anything in the home or with the kids over the weekend?

I could do but they’d all want to join me. Plus I’d prefer to be at home and get a couple of things done in peace without kids constantly around me.

I was about to say exactly the same - go out for an hour on your own. Just call 'see you later' as you head out the front door.

Btw no one is limited to an hour’s exercise and you can to out of the house more than once a day to exercise

Yanbu. I’m in your position. I stay in all day every day with DS12 and it falls to me to help with the home schooling which I have found very stressful as I’m not IT literate. I seem to spend the whole day sitting with him to help sort out his work. It is wearing trying to do everything yourself, day in day out. I need time alone and get it once a week when I go out to drop shopping to my elderly Mum. It’s not for long but for those few hours I have no responsibility apart from myself. Without it I would go nuts! Your request is reasonable and the very least he could do is spare just the one hour to give you a break. It’s not as if it’s hard work - taking your own kids out for a walk! Sounds like your DH is being a bit spiteful. My DH couldn’t understand why I was getting stressed about the home schooling until I made him do a day to experience the tears and frustration.

He's being a twat. Work is a holiday compared to childcare in lockdown.

As has been pointed out repeatedly, SAHM without any playdates, outings or social contact is a totally different and insane proposition.

If I were you I'd fuck off for exercise. Then sit in the car have a mini break since benches are apparently forbidden eat a choc bar and listen to some fave music.

He's being a selfish arse

Where are you getting an hour from? It can be longer than an hour. The advice is "daily exercise". No time limit..

Yanbu. I agree you should definitely have the hour’s peace. But tbh I’m sure he can have an hours peace too. Either in the house or with you taking your daily exercise with the kids too. As has been pointed out by others, you can have more than an hour’s exercise and you can each take the kids out separately. It just a question of “reasonable”, which imo this would be.

Me and do take it in turns so we each get a good 3. / 4 hour break every other day then once a week we all go out together. Think that's pretty fair tbh

He’s an arse.

Why does it have to be a completion????

Why can’t you say to your partner, the person who is your number one supporter (apparently) “hey I’m struggling - please help me” and expect them to say yes of course, I’m sorry it’s so hard, let me help.

Do people this selfish really exist and how do they even find people to marry them???

If you’re feeling generous you could say “how about you have X hour to yourself and I’ll have Y hour to myself”.

If you’re anything like me though I would make it perfectly clear that their lack of care, thought and consideration has made me see them in a new (not very good) light.

I’m sorry you’re struggling, I hope you do get a break soon