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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Asked for a break on Monday from the kids and basically told no.

115 replies

Needtobepositive · 23/04/2020 22:06

My husband has a day off on Monday (not a keyworker but able to go to work alone and do his usual job) and I’ve found the last couple of days really hard work with the kids. We aren’t getting a break from each other and the stresses of home learning are getting to us. One of them is also chronically ill and I do all the care for that. I asked if on Monday he could take the kids out for their hour exercise while I stay home and enjoy an hours peace. He asked when he got his hours peace and I told him he gets it at work all day as he works alone. He said he’s working so it’s not peace. I know he’s working but he’s not dealing with health issues he’s not dealing with home learning and arguing kids. He’s not nagging them to get on. His routine is as normal and ours is disrupted. AIBU?

OP posts:

Grumpos · 23/04/2020 22:41

Competition * sorry

mswales · 23/04/2020 22:44

I'm totally shocked that he would refuse to take his children out for an hour on his day off! What happens at evenings and weekends? Do you get any time off? As previous poster pointed out working somewhere on your own is a total walk in the park compared to staying at home with kids and homeschooling during lockdown - especially if he is having this lovely leisurely lunch break every day, can't even be that stressful a job! And even if it was the most stressful job in the world, when you are both at home the childcare should at the very least be 50/50 during this current intense situation.

WhyCantIthinkOfAgoodOne · 23/04/2020 22:46

I think you should both get an hour's peace. He can take them out to exercise you can play a board game or watch a film with them downstairs while DH relaxes upstairs.

CalleighDoodle · 23/04/2020 22:46

Take yourself out for an hours walk.

When you get home you can do your jobs then. He can surely watch them. If not, you have much bigger problems.

Viviennemary · 23/04/2020 22:47

I don't think it was too much go ask for an hour's peace. Take turns.

KitKat1985 · 23/04/2020 22:49

Can't you ask to give each other a couple of hours break? Sounds fairest to me.

Moonlite · 23/04/2020 22:50

My hubby works and openly admits it's a break. We have 3 children 2 with Asd and our house is crazy stressful atm. I make sure I get an hour to myself each evening to have a bath and read for a while. He shouldnt have to be asked to take the kids for an hour, hes selfish and using work as a reason not to have to take over parenting duties.

You deserve a break OP. Tell him you will do their hour exercise one night then he does it the next so you both get time at home alone

Porpoises · 23/04/2020 22:51

He's a twat not to give you an hour's peace. But I agree with him that work can't count as his relaxation time. You need to both work together to give each other quality downtime.

blubellsarebells · 23/04/2020 22:52

How old are the kids?
Does schooling have to be so stressful?
If they are young just do less, let them lead it more, follow their own interests, rather than structured worksheets and the like.
My ds is very reluctant to sit and study and write and to be honest right now neither of us can do with the stress and frustration.
We're doing small amounts of school work, then other things like card games, cooking, researching things we're interested in, building, painting.
Make it easier for yourself.
And yes your husband should be taking them for an hour. At least.
If he's working 6 days a week he should want to spend time with them anyway.
Do they have bikes or scooters?
If he wont take them go for a long walk alone.

user3274826 · 23/04/2020 22:55

What?! But what does he do after work and on weekends? (if he doesn't work weekends). Those times aren't free time if you are a parent, they are times that you parent. Is he actually planning on not doing his 50% share of parenting on his 'day off'? Or does he just not want to to take the kids out on his own/had planned a particular run/bike ride for his daily excercise instead? Even so, he is being unreasonable to say no.

MumW · 23/04/2020 22:57

I'd be tempted to go out to the supermarket - those social distancing queues are a nightmare at the moment - and then park up in the far corner of the car park with a flask of coffee and a book. It might not be quite the hour off you wanted but it will give you a bit of headspace and leaves him to deal with the kids.

Original poster

Needtobepositive · 23/04/2020 22:57

He only gets one day off a week and it varies each week. He works a lot of evenings through choice. He does overtime and often doesn’t get home before 8-9pm so I don’t really get an evening either.

OP posts:

LilacTree1 · 23/04/2020 22:59

“ He works a lot of evenings through choice. ”

To avoid his family?

You need to have an allocated time each for looking after the kids.

Sparrowlegs248 · 23/04/2020 23:00

As the single parent to 2 small children, work absolutely is peaceful time. Even in a stressful job. I'm WFH now but normally, I drive thee in peace, goto the lib peace, can sit and het on with work with no interruptions. Lunch in peace. Drive home in peace!

Tootletum · 23/04/2020 23:00

What? An hour? Is he the dad or just a random guy who lives in the same house and isn't interested?

Original poster

Needtobepositive · 23/04/2020 23:01

They are 8, 11 and 12. He would happily take them for a walk if I go too but won’t often take them on his own. I’ve asked him before to take them swimming (well the younger two, the older had plans) so I could get jobs done and he wouldn’t.

OP posts:

OhioOhioOhio · 23/04/2020 23:05

My xh was like that.

LilacTree1 · 23/04/2020 23:08

Just go out on Monday.

Samtsirch · 23/04/2020 23:10

OP you need to strategise.
It’s only Thursday and you are already projecting to his day off on Monday , thus setting up resentments which don’t need to be there.
Do the best that you can tomorrow and over the weekend, then on Monday explain that you are exhausted/ or really need to get the house cleaned up/ whatever works, so would he mind awfully enjoying some time outdoors with his children as a change from working, while you pick up the slack at home.

Notajogger · 23/04/2020 23:13

I've asked him before to take them swimming (well the younger two, the older had plans) so I could get jobs done and he wouldn’t.
This is appalling. You need to have words. Why on earth wouldn't he want to spend some time with his kids being as it sounds like he barely sees them?! He will have zero relationship with them as they get older.

RandomMess · 23/04/2020 23:13

He can't be bothered to parent them.

He gets 6 x 1 hour lunches "me" time per week.

You need 6 hours per week too how is he going to enable it to happen?

Shouldbedoing · 23/04/2020 23:14

The divorce courts are going to be busy after lockdown.

blubellsarebells · 23/04/2020 23:16

Wont take kids that age on his own?
Whats wrong with him.
Quite sad really that he cant enjoy his own children.
Plus they are old enough to give you a break of an hour assuming they are nt.
Older two could cook lunch or dinner together.
Can they not read, play minecraft, board game or cards unsupervised?

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 23/04/2020 23:18

He's a selfish dick.

smiften · 23/04/2020 23:20

Not much of a dad, is he?

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