Asked for a break on Monday from the kids and basically told no.

[Needtobepositive]

My husband has a day off on Monday (not a keyworker but able to go to work alone and do his usual job) and I’ve found the last couple of days really hard work with the kids. We aren’t getting a break from each other and the stresses of home learning are getting to us. One of them is also chronically ill and I do all the care for that. I asked if on Monday he could take the kids out for their hour exercise while I stay home and enjoy an hours peace. He asked when he got his hours peace and I told him he gets it at work all day as he works alone. He said he’s working so it’s not peace. I know he’s working but he’s not dealing with health issues he’s not dealing with home learning and arguing kids. He’s not nagging them to get on. His routine is as normal and ours is disrupted. AIBU?

Just leave the house alone. He's not your jailer

Another "just do it".

When my DCs were both pre-schoolers, I loved the days of 20 minutes peace driving to work, 5 hours of stimulating mental interaction with the teenagers I taught, and then a couple of quiet hours at my desk planning and marking before another 20 minutes home. Admittedly it was the 9pm to midnight admin plus being up at stupid o'clock to get a head start before the kids that finished me off. But undoubtably, even being a secondary teacher was a mental break from the groundhog day existence of parenting children with high needs (in this case just down to age).

OP says chronic health issues without specifying the level of supervision required.
Either at 8, 11 & 12 the children are fine to have loose supervision and just an adult avaliable, or one of the children needs close supervision and the second parent must absolutely pull his weight in family life. Every parent deserves a physical and mental break and he is getting far more!

Why not get a full time job in Tsco and hire childcare (for which he will have to pay half) - nanny in your house then sunny Jim the husband will have to lump it.

To be fair I'd assumed from the OP you must have very young children. With children those ages, they don't need constant adult interaction so it should be perfectly possible to plan your day so that you have some time to yourself. Many parents at the moment are in your position AND working as well. So maybe that's why your husband is refusing - he can't understand why you can't manage your time?

And unless the 8 year old is very unreliable, can't the DC just go out for a walk by themselves? or stay home by themselves while you go out?

Are people not reading that one of the dc is chronically ill and the op does all the care

My work doesn’t give me any peace so that’s a crap argument. A better argument is that he will get it the other 23 hours of Monday whilst he isn’t helping with the kids.

I assume this isn’t a new problem.

having a Job does not abdicate his role as a Father

Many people use work as escapism from their home life and indeed children, it can be easier going to work than staying home all day with the kids.

He’s being incredibly selfish.

And unless the 8 year old is very unreliable, can't the DC just go out for a walk by themselves? or stay home by themselves while you go out?
Yeah, leave 3 pre teens, one of whom is chronically ill, home alone so the man doesn't have to do ONE HOUR of childcare, or have them walking round the streets spine. Great idea @RedskyAtnight

@Xenia any idea how hard it is to hire childcare for a child who is chronically ill?

go out together with kids for a family walk then take an hour for yourself to go for a walk. He obviously can't be arsed to take care of the kids without you there. You need to stop asking him and start telling him.
e.g. I am tired I am going to lie down for an hour; I need some exercise I am going for a walk on my own etc.

Walking for an hour on your own is NOT the same as chilling in your own home.

tbf during lockdown it's probably easier to go into work than be stuck at home all day.

@HMSSophie
My god how selfish

No, it's not, Qgardens. But it sends the message that the OP feels entitled to her hour and it also places full responsibility for the DCs on her selfish oaf of a husband. If she stays at home he will get stuck into some project requiring total concentration and the DCs will come to her for the million and one things that they will need while she is in the bath or reading on her bed, etc.

They aren't small children. They can be trained to give you a rest.

My guess is the H has already trained them from a very early age not to approach him when he is busy.

Redirecting the children to dad when the OP wants time off is not fair to the children. If it happens, I suspect they are going to be sent back and forth like shuttlecocks until the OP breaks down and gives in or the DCs' needs become impossible to put off and she will tend to them because this man will not down tools and accept that parenting is his role.