To starve my toddler

[TiredMama90]

My son is 3. He’s been a fussy eater since the beginning. I’m a single mum (not by choice). Admittedly some days, for an easy life, I’ve given him what he chooses.

It’s his 3rd day of not eating a decent meal and only wanting crap.

Shall I just refuse him the foods he wants (crisps, chocolate & the like) until he gives in and eats proper food.

How long until he will give in??

@Pentium85 nothing wrong with chocolate and biscuits occasionally. It's about balance. 'parent properly' 🙄

@Rubyroost

Totally agree. But for the OP, it isn't occasionally, is it?

The Gruffalo Crumble cookbook was a godsend for us. My child would not eat and was eventually diagnosed with several allergies after about a year and becoming very ill. If you’re sure there’s no underlying issue like that then it’s a battle of wills, but making it fun could help.

OP, my DS2 was like this and it turned out he was autistic. We didn't know at the time, but one early sign is that they will NOT eat things they don't want, and will genuinely starve rather than eat, so the usual rules of put it in front of them and offer nothing else don't apply. You said he's behind in other things too. If it turns out he is autistic, the approach you have to take is very different and might well involve a lot of crap foods like biscuits and crisps, so you haven't necessarily been falling into bad habits.
The most important thing is that he doesn't starve.
The second most important thing is that mealtimes don't become battlegrounds - horrible and stressful and so worrying for you, and for him, it could put him off eating and make the act of sitting down to eat so traumatic that he never will.
If you can, get hold of some abidec drops - your GP can prescribe them so they are free and add them to his milk or juice or squash. They will give him the vitamins he needs. If you can, try posting tiny amounts of food into his mouth while he's distracted by TV or playing a game. I used to chop up tiny slivers of pear, cheese slices etc. Then when it was time for 'dinner' I'd offer him crisps and biscuits so he'd associate dinner with enjoying his food. Gradually I added some healthy choices alongside the rubbish and eventually he would try them.

Make a list of everything that he will eat or has in the past. Try and offer a bit of a range of these at each meal and just let him choose what he wants. DS2 moved on from crisps and lived on tinned spaghetti with grated cheese, carrot sticks and tiny peas for about eight years - seems awful and at the time I used to cry my eyes out, but it was healthy-ish: carbs, protein, roughage, fresh veg.

Unless there are any sensory issues etc, just parent properly.

Geewhizz - what a helpful comment. Maybe try not to say anything unless it would actually be useful to the OP. Maybe as the child has just turned 3 she doesn't know yet if there are any sensory issues.

Life is not always simple and black and white for everyone - y'know?

Assessment for ASD? You mention delay and a ‘weak stomach’. If he has ASD then it’s not so simple as having a fussy child. A child with ASD may literally starve themselves if the food they are given does not meet their sensory needs. I would suggest you repost this in the SEN section for advice.

Always wanted a copy of this book for my kids. But it was out of print until they were much older but noticed it was reprinted a couple of years ago and the author did some press, if you can’t afford the book.

www.pinterandmartin.com/my-child-wont-eat-how-to-enjoy-mealtimes-without-worry

But it was touted as a gentle, common sense approach

Don't get into a battle of wills. I recommend a book called 'How to get your kid to eat...but not too much'.
I was a very fussy toddler - my parents found it impossible to handle, and were essentially abusive... would push my head into a plate of food if I didn't eat it. Not suggesting you would do anything so heinous, but as a warning - I ended up with an eating disorder by age 10 and landed in hospital.
It's SO not worth it. You can ruin your relationship with your child over this. Be light and happy and not phased at all by what he wants. Offer healthy good food - if he doesn't eat he doesn't eat. The more invested you are in his consumption of what you offer, the worse.

My DS was like this and he is ASD. If he is ASD then he will starve himself rather than eat - we asked to be referred for help via doctor as our child had got down to 4th percentile for weight and was literally refusing food for days if away from home.

The specialist advised to feed him anything to get his weight up and said if he fell to 3rd percentile they would have to intervene. He's now at around 25th percentile. So I would not do anything that involves starving him if you aren't certain he has not got SN. Allergies is another possibility.

I would get your doctor to refer you to a specialist for help and take their advice. Mine is good with a selection of foods all separated in bowls he can pick and choose from - he won't eat anything mixed. I would try to keep crisps and chocolate to a minimum but it's more important if he has a low weight he eats. Mine eats bread, bread sticks, carrots, apple, grape, banana, oranges, brocolli, petit filous, potatoes and plain meat. It's worth noticing if certain foods make him ill like dairy or gluten - a specialist can test, ours thought our son was lactose intolerant. If he struggling to chew things then maybe easier foods to eat or blend things a bit. Like mashed potatoes rather than boiled.

Sorry its so hard but you are the adult here.

If he ate healthy foods at nursery but won't now because he knows you'll give in then its unlikely to be sensory issues. If he'll eat saucy foods at all then you can get a lot of hidden veg in - I put carrots, broccoli and cauliflower in the food processor so they are chopped very fine and then add them to sauces. Put out food for meals but no pressure to eat, if he doesn't eat then offer the same food again an hour later. If he still won't eat then try something different at the next meal.

Do you know exactly what healthy foods he was eating at school/could you find out? If so, offer those rather than junk - he should eat them eventually. Show him that there are no crisps etc in the usual cupboards!

So apparently I only ate. For over a year. Fish fingers. Baked beans. And waffles

My mum took me to the dr and said. She will only eat this.

He said. Yeah? She's having protein carbs. And fats. At least she's eating!

That was that. Lols.

Join a facebook group called "mealtime hostage" for tips.

I would be worried of refusing him if you're going to see a dr about Sen

Those kids would starve. My dd is one! I'd ask the dr for advice.

My DS is autistic and is like this. I thought he hated pasta until he was 4, turns out he loves it but only if there is no sauce on it!

He also eats better if everything is separate on a plate.

He's 8 now and still picky but thankfully he loves fruit and will eat carrots, cucumber, broccoli, peas and sweet corn so I try not to stress about it now.

It depends. People always say kids will give in and eat but it isn't always true. One of mine was touch and go if they were going to be admitted to hospital as their weight dropped so much. The doctor gave us a week, he said let her live on chocolate, on cake, on chips or whatever she will eat, if she loses another pound when I weigh her next week she is going into hospital. She was 4.

OP- if your son has communication delays and possible sensory issues.. don’t ask on a forum! Ask your health visitor/gp. These issues need careful handling and ‘what worked for my Jimmy’ may do emotional harm for another child. Tips to work on it by all means, but going cold turkey with a child who doesn’t understand and may struggle with textures? Not appropriate. I have been in the exact same boat and nearly 1 1/2 years later I am still caught off guard by the things my son struggles to understand. Be so careful with balancing this and please do ask for relevant input health wise. Best wishes

Actually with mine what she would eat was fruit cake so I baked lots of cake with extra eggs and butter. I figured it was filling and high in calories. We gradually addressed the food issues once her weight was OK. She is an adult now, still fussy but eats a fairly normal diet, just a bit picky.

Thank you. I appreciate that. Admittedly I’m actually quite scared to go to a GP because of what is going on. More so because I don’t want them to say “oh for Christ sake, this isn’t really an issue right now, people are dying”.

It worries me.

How you present the food can be a game changer. My son started to get picky and was a slow eater, until I introduced this amazing racecourse plate. I'll find a link for it. Not cheap, but was a game changer. The hidden surprise/treat at the finish helped. And the small portions were less daunting. Also try naturally sweet foods , sweetcorn, peas, carrots, sweet potato. Yogurts, scrambled eggs, baked beans and fish fingers are reasonably nutritious too.

The plate is called Winner Dinner by Fred. Google it. They now do lots of different themed ones.

@Weregoingonanadventure But it doesn't work like this with a kid with sensory processing disorder. It just doesn't.

www.amazon.co.uk/Fred-DINNER-WINNER-Kids-Dinner/dp/B00I0VUMBI?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

You can buy it cheaper off other sites.

@Boshmama Great advice you have given. Spot on.