Neighbours trampoline AIBU?

[Hidinginshameofthememory]

Our neighbours have put up a trampoline this week, no issue with kids playing in the garden as I think it's nice to hear and my own child and family children are out in our garden most days weather permitting (just mine now!). They are the last house on the row so share a fence with us but the other side of their garden is onto woodland. The trampoline is right up against the shared fence. When it went up I didn't think too much of it to be honest but then on Monday we were sat in the conservatory having breakfast and noticed their older child (early teens maybe?) was stood on the trampoline looking into our house. I felt a bit uncomfortable as we were all in our pjs (not indecent but still I felt a bit 😳). Anyway this has happened a few times since, she can also see into our living room so when I'm sat playing with my baby on the floor/ watching tv etc I've looked up a few times to see her peering in. I know she's not really doing any harm per se but im finding it very intrusive. Dh usually does a workout in the garden every morning in just his shorts, the last two mornings he has come inside as the girl was there at the fence and he didn't feel comfortable.

Because of all this I went round to next door and knocked (then stood at the gate before I get flamed!). I've always got on fine with these neighbours but we haven't really had much interaction. I asked politely if there was any chance they could move the trampoline as their daughter could see into our house/garden and we were finding it a bit intrusive. I think I kept it quite friendly, wasn't rude or anything. Long story short neighbour said she would speak to her daughter but she won't move the trampoline as they like the garden setup as it is now. Their garden is huge, they could easily move it to the other side and it would affect no one. But I thought okay she will speak to her daughter and issue will be over.

Unfortunately either she hasn't spoken to her or the daughter has ignored her completely. It's happened a few times since and I've just been sat expressing and looked up to see a pair of eyes at the fence again. I've had to get up and come upstairs. AIBU ?? I know it's their garden but I just would like to be able to walk round and use my own house without having to watch what I'm doing or feel like I'm being watched.

Such weird thinking on this thread, yeah I know it’s mostly meant as jokes

But how about next time (every time) she stares you go out and ask her “could you stop staring at us please, it makes us feel uncomfortable “

Instead of all this weird passive aggressive shit

Just tell her politely but clearly not to do it and do it everytime you see her looking over the fence. Works much better than the do you want something type stuff. Some kids need it very clearly spelling out to them and if there is any sn then unless it is severe she will get it.

I would just keep telling the parents every time you see her doing it. It will get annoying for them and they will either make her stop or move the trampoline.

A few years ago, next doors children were tall enough to peer over the top of the then 4ft fence and start calling out to us each time we were in the garden.
When it was the 5th time in one play session, I very politely, directly and loudly responded with 'hello and just so you know, I am not going to tolerate this for the entire summer holiday'. In my teacher voice. With my teacher stare.

It never happened again.
In fact, I don't think they even played in the back garden again ....
I've got my teacher stare down to a tee.

OP I am majorly invested in this thread now, how has today been?

Just seen your update about the mother. Yeah, you need to make it her problem.

Ring the doorbell and say, "Look, we've asked you to ask your daughter to stop staring, we've asked her to stop staring, she's still doing it. If she keeps on then I will turn the garden hose on her every time I see her doing it, until she gets the message."

And then follow through on that threat.

Unless you make it difficult for the mother she clearly won't do anything about it.

I don't know what to suggest but it needs to be something that makes the mother's life more difficult as she is clearly a selfish madam.

@IHaveAMagicBean Oh crap 🤦🏻‍♀️ Does anyone have a link?

Yes she has been back out this morning but not for very long thankfully! Dh thinks he saw her talking to our dog when he was out doing his morning business so I think that is the draw! However we have very boringly solved the problem. We have bought a gazebo this morning (we were considering getting one as I worry about my baby getting burnt in the garden). I think if we put it up against the fence or even next to it she won't be able to see over (she will just see the top of the gazebo if that makes sense)

Sorry all for not dressing up or doing one of the funnier solutions!!

Oops NC fail!

Great result op...

Op can’t fix trellis to the fence if, as she suspects, it belongs to next door. Legally she can’t even knock a nail in it without permission.

Ah. Doesn't work like that in Scotland - boundaries are shared. What a stupid rule. It's not easy to get postcrete just now, but if possible should could just put up a new one inside the boundary.

@Lessthananovice might it be this post, if the OP changed details about sex of children?
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3886374-Trampolines

If so, I wonder if there was a misunderstanding with them thinking you were asking for it to be taken down altogether? More likely though it's a different person altogether! Your situation sounds so annoying. Hope the gazebo solution works!

Early teens would suggest the girl is aged 13 to 15? Isn't that a bit old to be spending her days bouncing on a child's trampoline?

You'd think that, but I suppose there would be no harm if she enjoyed bouncing on it at her age - although I find it rather odd that they've only just got it, rather than, say, her having had it since she was 6 and just never having stopped wanting to keep using it.

That might even be a bone of contention - if her mum (or another family member) got it for her for a birthday present simply because it was very cheap or even off FreeCycle rather than because it was deemed a greatly desired, lovingly-sourced and age-appropriate gift.

She wanted something expensive and more grown-up, but mum/dad/gran/uncle found a very cheap trampoline, thought "that'll do - it's a generic kids' thing!"; her mum knows it's not really what she wanted, but feels guilty so keeps saying "Go and play on your trampoline - don't you like your new present?" The girl doesn't like to say "No, I don't actually - it sucks: I'm 15!" but of course, she's too old to enjoy just bouncing, however staring and people-watching are a bit more like it.

Having postulated that, though, teenagers can be extremely fickle with what's 'cool' or what's 'for babies'. It never ceases to amaze me (well, not right now whilst it's locked for COVID) how the teenagers like to congregate in our local kiddies' play park. I like to think they pre-arrange it and exchange texts about 'hangin' out 'n' chillin' wid ma bredren on da climbin' frame, innit'

They posture and swagger and really give off 'so very cool' vibes - whilst sitting on a seesaw designed for a 6yo!!! I saw one girl stuck in a baby swing once - it was hilarious watching her street-credibility plummeting southwards with every second of struggling to extricate herself

It's more annoying than funny, really, as they lurk and swear and make it a generally unwelcoming atmosphere for the little ones for whom it's actually intended.

Well done, OP

Ah phew don't think that's my neighbour! :-) no birthdays and I definitely didn't ask for her to take it down, I didn't even push for it to be moved just for the staring to stop 😂 gazebo will hopefully come quickly and solve all my issues ;-)

I’m sad it appears to be solved. I was going to suggest an old fashioned pea shooter.

There's s big difference between a child playing on a trampoline (which the OP says she has not problem with) and a child standing on it staring for 15 minutes into neighbour's garden

I’d start rating her trampoline skills, with score cards.

Bit difficult to award gymnastic-excellence points based on 'ability to stand there dead-eyed and open-mouthed', though

Isn't it funny though how the responses on that other thread are completely the other way round!

I was just reading the other thread... hope people don't think im a joy sucker 🤣 I don't mind kids playing out at all, i love hearing the little girl and boy on the other side of me. They are always singing in their garden or having funny little squabbles. I do however draw the line at someone standing staring at us/our home. I definitely think the dog is what has interested her. Quite looking forward to my new gazebo and trying to persuade dh to let me get an egg swing !

I was going to suggest an old fashioned pea shooter.

What, getting her DH to mark his territory in full view?!?!

Oh, you meant a toy gun. Phew

The neighbour is in the wrong. We know someone who contacted their county /then solicitor for identical problem, and it was made it clear that the trampoline couldn't be within 2 meters of the boundary line because of issues like this. Trampoline was moved.

Early teens would suggest the girl is aged 13 to 15? Isn't that a bit old to be spending her days bouncing on a child's trampoline?

No.

The other thread is ridiculous, by the way, with the support for the trampoline owner. You'll note she didn't say where the trampoline was placed and if she monitored her children's usage. Completely unreasonable if it's next to her neighbour's fence and if they're doing what the child here is doing.

@Lessthananovice that’s good to hear. Hopefully the problem is solved.