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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU I’m saying you have to spell everything out for men

105 replies

sunnyblossom1 · 23/04/2020 11:18

I asked my husband to make a telephone appointment for my two sons. They both have had their eczema flare up during the lockdown. The doctor rings me now about one child and when I ask about the other he says they are not on his list. When I ask my husband he says I rang and said I wanted a telephone appointment for two children but she only took details for one and so I thought that would be ok. Why does everything have to be spelt out for some people. No one gives us a manual when we have babies we just use our common sense. Aaaaaaah just had to vent as I didn’t want to cause an argument in lockdown. Will call docs tomorrow and sort it out as it’s easily done but it’s just the frustration sometimes.

OP posts:
Curiosity101 · 23/04/2020 11:22

I think that comment is a little unfair on men. I'm sure there are plenty of daft women too. Grin

But I totally get your frustration. He obviously noted that the person only asked for one set of details, but then didn't confirm/check. Very annoying...

However... is it possible that the flare-ups have the same cause? Can the advice from the doctor be applied to the other child or do you definitely need another appointment?

ladykuga · 23/04/2020 11:23

I quite agree. That's why I won't be bothering with them again. It's exhausting enough doing it with a child. I can't be dealing with that level of foolishness.

Babyboomtastic · 23/04/2020 11:23

It's some people, not men.

SarahTancredi · 23/04/2020 11:24

This isnt a case of making a mistake or not knowing. this is strategic incompetence. He sees the kids as your domain.

If men were really as incapable as they make out they would not hold jobs or indeed survive to adulthood. I mean they arranged appointments and fed themselves before they knew you didn't they?

Make him correct the mistake. You doing it means its had the desired effect. It's now your job

HeyDuggeewhatchadoin · 23/04/2020 11:24

I honestly wonder if they do a bad job on purpose to ensure we don't ask again.
Planned incompetence.

Hipsterjoe · 23/04/2020 11:25

Nah it’s definitely men

Hipsterjoe · 23/04/2020 11:25

Don’t fix it for him, let him fix it

GinDrinker00 · 23/04/2020 11:25

I don’t think it’s men. Just people in general who lack common sense.

YesThatIsMyRealName · 23/04/2020 11:27

Some men do "learned helplessness" because they want to get out of doing things because they have been socialised to believe they are more important than anyone else.

Then the women around them say stuff about "not wanting to cause an argument" so they go on doing this dumdum routine and nothing ever changes.

Not sure how anyone can stand being married to such a person tbh.

user1471517900 · 23/04/2020 11:27

So he said two kids at the start. In which case he did it correctly. Ok sure he could have asked if they needed the other child details, but it's something that could be corrected if he simply phones back. I don't think this is a completely inept thing regardless of sex.

P1nkHeartLovesCake · 23/04/2020 11:30

Everything has to be spelt out for YOUR man, some of us married better 🤷🏻‍♀️

In all seriousness though some people do just lack common sense but if you call the doctors and put it right tomorrow he isn’t ever going to learn. So he calls the doctor tomorrow

pooopypants · 23/04/2020 11:32

Maybe it's just your husband OP.... mine's fairly capable

Imagine the comments if this comment was made by a man about women Hmm

Thymelord · 23/04/2020 11:33

These types of posts always amuse me. Anything remotely connected to feminism is shouted down here now and threads are littered with comments about "man haters". Yet these are the threads that should actually be classed as 'man hating'. Men are incapable and stupid and need things spelt out to them? No, they don't. Many many men choose to display this learned behaviour of "helplessness" because many many women roll their eyes, say "oh you know what men are like" (and then other women agree because they have followed the same path) and take over. Expect more. These men are perfectly capable, they just think it is your job. End that.

Sn0tnose · 23/04/2020 11:34

If you call the doctors back yourself, you are telling your husband that it’s ok not to bother doing it properly because you’ll be there to pick up the slack. Keep fixing things for him and it will only get worse.

You need to tell him to phone the doctor back and sort it out himself. He’s not a child and I assume he’s not paying you a wage to complete all general family admin.

YesThatIsMyRealName · 23/04/2020 11:37

@Thymelord Fucking YES. People who think men are too stupid and incapable to change a nappy or notice that the dishes need to be done or that the dog hasn't been walked are the real man haters.

SarahTancredi · 23/04/2020 11:40

Imagine the comments if this comment was made by a man about women

Strategic incompetence 99 percent of the times seems to only affect certain things. Its a male/male.socialisation phenomenon. Where they can achieve highly at work yet cant change a nappy or remember to feed the kids or get kids to school on time.

Nwher affects their ability to go to the gym or cause them to miss the flight to their brothers stag do.

WorraLiberty · 23/04/2020 11:41

I don’t think it’s men. Just people in general who lack common sense.

This ^^

No-one gives us a manual when we have babies, but think of how many mistakes we've made along the way.

SarahTancredi · 23/04/2020 11:41

They can do it. They chose not to

FlamingoAndJohn · 23/04/2020 11:42

Your husband =/= all men.

What a dreadful sexist statement to make. Just because you married an idiot it doesn’t mean that 50% of the population who happen to have the same chromosomes are also idiots.

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 23/04/2020 11:44

"Maybe it's just your husband OP.... mine's fairly capable"

"Imagine the comments if this comment was made by a man about women"
This. Many MNers would be up in arms if there was a comment about, say, women drivers, yet a comment about men and everyone piles in.

nibdedibble · 23/04/2020 11:45

OP mine is like yours, with the added annoyance that if I do spell things out for him, he tries to improve my plans. I struggle myself to get on top of everything I need to do in the order I need to do it in so it's really derailing.

We muddle along and I know I have my quirks but I can definitely sympathise with this! (With the disclaimer that it's probably very individual and not a man thing!)

luckylavender · 23/04/2020 11:46

It's definitely not men - it's some people. Imagine if this were reversed.

bongsuhan · 23/04/2020 11:48

"wanted a telephone appointment for two children but she only took details for one"

Seems that a woman is at fault here, not a man.

SarahTancredi · 23/04/2020 11:49

This. Many MNers would be up in arms if there was a comment about, say, women drivers, yet a comment about men and everyone piles in

Except women are actually safer drivers and men kicked off aviutbrue sexism of lower insurance premiums for women.

This isnt about men being useless. They are as capable as the next person to do anything. But there is a real problem with large numbers of men , countless threads over the years who pretend they cant do stuff/misunderstand. Where they abilities to function at work does not seen to replicate itself at home with house and child responsibilities.

peoplewhoannoyyou · 23/04/2020 11:50

Some people need everything to be spelled out for them. It's not because they are men. Plenty of women are as stupid as you say your husband is, OP.

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