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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Acceptable time to sleep after night shift.

145 replies

Deepmidwicket · 22/04/2020 17:37

I work 2 night shifts a week. After the first a go to bed for most of the day as I am between 2 Night shifts. I work between 12 and 14 hours shifts both nights

After the last night shift and since being in lockdown my husband seems to think I should go to bed at 10am when I get in and be up and ready for doing stuff at 12noon such as homeschooling and playing with our six yea told DS. He says because I am not at work that night I should power through.

I have done this for 2 weeks now, got up today to find they had got all the stuff out for baking and I was expected to happily join in.

My husband is a teaching and only working a day a week at the moment

Aibu to expect to be left a bit longer

OP posts:

HillAreas · 22/04/2020 22:30

He’s either not very bright (an asset to the classroom I’m sure) others just being a twat.
Not sure why anyone would assume that people who work nights need less sleep than the rest of the human population... my opinion of these people is as above.

EllaPaella · 22/04/2020 22:33

@Lolly86 me too, although to be fair I'd be in bed by 9am but sleep no later than 12.30. If I slept too late after the last one I wouldn't be able to sleep that night and it would throw me out for the rest of the week.

OP's husband sounds like an arse though. If she needs to sleep she needs to sleep. I bet if it were him he wouldn't want to be disturbed.

Starlightstarbright1 · 22/04/2020 22:36

What is it he wants to do in these 2 hours ??? It is many years since I worked night. Utterly exhausting.

My question bus what the fuck has it got to do with you what time you sleep till.

There are 2 days you aren’t available.

Toddlerteaplease · 22/04/2020 22:39

I go to bed at 8.30 -1700 in between nights and 8-1300 after my last night. Has he forgotten that you are actually working full time?!

DeeCeeCherry · 22/04/2020 22:44

A man whose wife is out at work all night then wakes her after she's had just 2 hours of sleep is a wicked person. That's it.

JorisBonson · 22/04/2020 22:45

Used to do 3 nights in a row - the first 2 I'd be straight to bed from 8 til about 4.

Last night onto a day off I'd get in and have a ritual of toast and g&t then only sleep til about 12/1. But that's usually because my last night would be over a weekend and I'd want to go out.

JorisBonson · 22/04/2020 22:46

Also yes, your DH is an arsehole for trying to make you run on 2 hours sleep.

PrincessMaryaBolkonskaya · 22/04/2020 23:00

I’ve not seen a 100% vote before. YANBU. Get the fuck to bed for as long as you need.

MrsJBaptiste · 22/04/2020 23:08

Bloody Hell, a 100% YANBU vote !

Says it all... 😴😴😴

crochetandshit · 23/04/2020 06:47

I can't believe you would rather change your work pattern, resulting in less pay and more hassle, than tell him he's being an absolute twat!

Quarantina · 23/04/2020 06:57

Your husband is being very cruel.

BelfryBat · 23/04/2020 07:07

Wondering what your relationship is like apart from this? Sleep deprivation is a notorious form of torture.

yumyumpoppycat · 23/04/2020 16:43

Ask him to watch the ted talk about sleep. It is even more important to sleep enough at the moment to protect your immune system. On the day when we all lose an hours sleep when the clocks change heart attacks, road traffic accidents etc all go up 20% approx and that is just from the effects of losing one hour of sleep!

Waveysnail · 23/04/2020 23:10

Hang on - you have epilepsy. He is even more of an idiot. Self care require you to get decent sleep

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 23/04/2020 23:29

@Deepmidwicket - when you wake up, you need to be blunt with him:

“Dh - I was so tired tonight, I had a seizure. If I follow your idiotic suggestion if 2 hours sleep and then powering through, I WILL have more fits - do you think that is a good idea? I think it is a dangerously stupid idea, and I will NOT be doing it. I can manage (just) on 4-4.5 hours sleep, but NOT 2. Live with it.”

Grandmi · 23/04/2020 23:33

I used to work just one night a week in a very busy AE and I went to bed at 9 am and got up about 3 pm ...felt absolutely hideous and was back in bed by 8 pm ...am not sure what planet your partner is on !!

Cherrysoup · 23/04/2020 23:34

My dh does shifts. On nights, he gets home at 7.30am and he sleeps in til 3pm. On his last night, he gets up at 12, usually has a snooze in his chair about 7pm. Your dh is unrealistic. Ignore his nonsense.

Hopefulhen · 23/04/2020 23:48

I work two nights per month on average. After the last shift I try and sleep for six hours (8am- 2pm) rather than eight or nine hours so I can get to sleep again that night and return to normal sleeping pattern. I am however very useless when I do get up and not capable of doing much.

DoorbellsSleighbellsSchnitzel · 24/04/2020 00:19

Your DH is being a dick.

Even with factoring in getting up a bit early off my last night shift I'd still try to sleep for up to 4-5 hours... And if I woke any sooner than that I certainly wouldn't be jumping in to baking/educational activities etc with the children, not if my perfectly capable DH were there too!!

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 24/04/2020 00:58

You need to sleep after your shift for about 6 hours minimum. Get up, do stuff then go to bed at a normal time.
There is no way you can power through regularly without having a detrimental effect on your health longer term.
My DH used to do nights and day one off would be a write off.
He is being very unreasonable expecting you to do a fourteen hour night shift and then cover home schooling with two hours sleep. Selfish arse.

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